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the price of pretty

If I stopped to think about all the men that have taken advantage and abused me sexually, physically, mentally, and emotionally…I would cry forever. #Abuse #SexualAssault #Incest #RapeSurvivors #Survivor of rape and or molestation #DomesticViolence #PTSD #SexualViolence #Shame

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Im shooken up this time TW…

He contacted me again this time sent me many different videos and told me how much he hates me. I’m so sick of this my ex rapist continues to stalk online social media after 3 years I reported him to the police 👮‍♀️ a few months ago and looks like I have to go again. All I want is to move on with my life and have something go right which it really hasn’t for the last 10 years. #hodgins lymphoma survivor #RapeSurvivors

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I hate when I get disgusting thoughts

TW I'm pretty young for all that I've done and gone through but this one definitely tops the cake when I thinking about it I puke.my sister used to rape me twice a day for three years
I did the math and I found out that means
I have had secs 2190 times.i feel disgusting
Even though it's not my
Fault
Any advice??? #RapeSurvivors #Advice

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Food for thought!

Some know my history (somewhat) and some might not. I wanted to share something I believed going into the rehabilitation center; for drug abuse and domestic violence, that we as humans can change our way of thinking by ; "rewiring our brains "! Example: drug addiction, avoiding people, places and things that remind us of our using days. Essentially you're rebuilding new positive habits. Which also means, we are changing the way we think, "rewiring our brains ". As far as my C-PTSD, I had to face my triggers in a safe environment with people I trust. This over time reprograms my brain to see that; my head being touched doesn't necessarily represent danger or future trauma. Essentially, replacing memories of bad touch with memories of good touch. But again, I had to rewire the way I looked at many many different areas of my life. My Motto now is: "Come What May". Either way I refuse to allow stress come back into my life. Whatever is coming my way whether appointments, family, or financial issues, I refuse to stress over it. It's going to happen anyway so I don't need to add and negative emotions into the mix. All that would cause is for me to; allow my mental health be impacted, cause headaches, blood pressure elevated. All things I avoid. My toxic abusive relationship with my ex was 14 months long. I fell in love with the lies he told. It took me a long time to see that it wasn't truly the man I was in love with. By the time I realized I needed to get away before one day he killed me, it was to late. He suspected something and never left me alone. I also believe there is a silver lining in every situation we just have to be patient to be shown what it is. My silver lining is that; I am a survivor and in being one have been able to heal enough were I can share my story and help others just beginning their healing journey. Also, that relationship taught me what I honestly value in my life, and What I will no longer tolerate. Example: my daughter has always been sort of toxic in the way she talks to or acts towards me. But also, I've always been her best friend and I've supported her in her life choices. She also gave birth to my three grandsons. But recently, I've had to place her out of my life because of her toxicity towards me. Yes it's causing added depression but I remind myself that with her gone, missing her and grandsons are less overall stress than having them in my life.

Sorry, if I've gotten off track. I probably have cause I forgot where I was going. But as our biggest advocate for ourselves, we need to take the steps that is "Best" for us and not just going along to keep the peace! Document any symptoms new or old and keep notes so we can actually show doctors what we are struggling to remember or put in words. If we don't feel a certain doctor isn't helping, we have the right for a second opinion or to find a different doctor. Asking around for recommendations. Find several hobbies; trust me, I need several cause my body reacts differently to different activities. So I have to switch them up periodically.

May everyone reading this have God's Devine blessings and be able to accept what life has given you. Embrace it, learn from it so you too can share "your life experiences " with others

#EhlersDanlosSociety #Life with C-PTSD #mighty Art Room #lift Me Up #Chat Space# Distract Me #RapeSurvivors #MentalHealth #Conquor Your Mind #emotional Abuse Survivor #no Shame

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Cries of Innocent Tears

Tattered clothes and venomous grins

Screaming soul and helpless being

Oh, what sort of monsters are you #made of?

Who couldn’t see a pleading prey?

Sinful hands stripping the peel,

Suffocating it in its demonic grip,

How cruel can you be not to hear?

The screams and shouts and aching tears

It’s like the earth herself was crying,

Burning by the devil that she resides

Where are we heading to if not the hell?

Every day, an innocent soul is sold

Snatched by the hands of the beast,

Into the horror of a hollow pit

Humans, Animals and even the dead

What is this desperation that reeks in them?

Waves of fear now crumble us down,

We see, we hear, but nothing we do.

Oh, how are we going to face them too?

Is this what the hell feels like?

Even evil has some mercy inside.#

Sadly, how we sat there empty

With Humanity and Justice sobbing aside

Little souls who believe in dolls and dreams

When did they get trapped in this grim?
#sexualassualt #RapeSurvivors #Poetry

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UPDATE

Can’t believe it! It’s been 3 whole months since I’ve taken any Vicodin. I’m still alive and dealing with my pain on my own. #Fibromyalgia #Arthritis #Depression #PTSD #AutoimmuneDisease #RapeSurvivors #Epilepsy

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Mother’s last wishes (warning can be triggering)

So my mom passed last week. The week before she passed we were at the Drs office as they delivered the news that my mom had a few weeks left to live. My mom brought up my oldest brother and said I know that my brother didn’t rape you.
This was not a time or place I wanted to talk about it.

My mother and I never fully talked about what occurred with my brother when I was younger. My brother on more than one occasion was inappropriate with me as a child. I talked to him for most of my adulthood. A few years back I had flashbacks of the situations. Which I can see clearly as if they were yesterday. I decided it was too difficult for me to continue to act like nothing happened.

My mother basically wanted me to forgive my brother. Without knowing fully what the situations were. So my Mother on her deathbed wanted me to forgive and makeup with my brother.

I feel guilty as my mother has passed and I know that this would have made her so happy. Idk what to do. If I do it for my mom as it was her dying wish. Or stand strong and continue to feel guilty even thou I did nothing wrong.
#Mothers #BereavedMothersDay #mother #ChildAbuse #RapeSurvivors #adolescent sexual molestation trauma #Survivor of rape and or molestation

12 reactions 5 comments