rape survivors

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    Mother’s last wishes (warning can be triggering)

    So my mom passed last week. The week before she passed we were at the Drs office as they delivered the news that my mom had a few weeks left to live. My mom brought up my oldest brother and said I know that my brother didn’t rape you.
    This was not a time or place I wanted to talk about it.

    My mother and I never fully talked about what occurred with my brother when I was younger. My brother on more than one occasion was inappropriate with me as a child. I talked to him for most of my adulthood. A few years back I had flashbacks of the situations. Which I can see clearly as if they were yesterday. I decided it was too difficult for me to continue to act like nothing happened.

    My mother basically wanted me to forgive my brother. Without knowing fully what the situations were. So my Mother on her deathbed wanted me to forgive and makeup with my brother.

    I feel guilty as my mother has passed and I know that this would have made her so happy. Idk what to do. If I do it for my mom as it was her dying wish. Or stand strong and continue to feel guilty even thou I did nothing wrong.
    #Mothers #BereavedMothersDay #mother #ChildAbuse #RapeSurvivors #adolescent sexual molestation trauma #Survivor of rape and or molestation

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    Does anyone else with sexual trauma feel upset after being intimate?

    I can be enjoying being with my fiancé. I can tell myself he won’t hurt me but for some unknown reason, I find myself crying or depressed afterwards. I was wondering if I was alone in this and what to do about it.

    #RapeSurvivors #SexualAbuse #PTSD #Relationships

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    Dying to be loved.

    Because of my illnesses, I tend to come off as “broken” and “unlovable” to possible partners. I only see myself alone with this mindset. Anyone out there fall in love —post diagnosis?? #chronic depression #Epilepsy #PTSD #religious trauma #EssentialTremor #Arthritis #RapeSurvivors #hashimotos #Fibromyalgia



    I just want to rid myself. Sometimes I feel like I should just go to anyone and asked to be fucked because it hurts so much that people don’t respect consent and it would feel so nice just for someone to ask me and for me to say yes. It hurts that I’m just a doll but what can I do #Rape #SexualAssault #PTSD #CPTSD

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    Full of stories after a middle school day, my granddaughter, blind since birth, is getting her “sea legs” at a public school. She’s beautiful. Inside and out.
    #ChronicDepression #Epilepsy #Fibromyalgia #PTSD #CPTSD #RapeSurvivors


    Abnormal or par for the course?

    Should I be having a harder time with normal, everyday issues because of what I’m going through???? Are you??
    #everyone #ChronicDepression #Fibromyalgia #Epilepsy #Auto Immune#RapeSurvivors


    Still getting over it- TW-rape

    I was raped by more then 7 men (assholes). They were fraternity members. It seems “gang” rape is the term everyone uses for this. The term just makes me feel all twitchy. There are other things that bother me about the whole thing. I was grabbed and kept in a room until it was over.. when I left there were more guys sitting in chairs along the hall. I have blocked out a good part of it so I don’t know if they assaulted me too. I could have pressed charges but I completely shut down. I don’t know when I won’t blame myself just a little bit #PTSD #RapeSurvivors


    Please help

    If anyone out there has any supportive words or advice, please share them. I’m really struggling to heal right now and am experiencing the most intense flashbacks of a rape. #SexualAbuse #Depression #RapeSurvivors #SexualAssault #PTSD

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    July 8th..

    Well, today was the day. I am finally rid of you on paper, and I will no longer have your last name. You abused me in every way. You left me with so much trauma to deal with. So even though I am rid of you on paper, sadly not rid of you like I want to be. You destroyed the person I use to be, I allowed you to. Because I loved you. I loved you more than I loved myself.

    It’s insane to me how you could spend 8+ years with someone.. know them inside and out, go through so much shit, and then all in one day, turn to nothing. But that’s just it, I’ve always been nothing to you. And I’ve known that, I just wanted you to love me. I just wanted to be enough for you. You always told me how I made you feel loved, I just wanted to feel that way.

    But you had better things to focus on, which was you. You were taking care of you, I was taking care of you. Meanwhile no one was taking care of me. You made me hate who I was. You made me a nobody. You kept me from the people who loved me the most.

    In 8 years you made/gave me an alcoholic, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and WORST of all ptsd. For the love of GOD I should have put you in jail when I had the chance, but I loved you. And I forgave you. For everything.. that’s one of the hardest things to do is forgive someone who isn’t sorry.

    Now all I want is myself. I want my life back, I don’t want memories. But that’s all I’m stuck with. I will never be the person I was..

    I will now be better, stronger.
    I’m not sure how I’ll get through this. But I know I will. Because that’s all I know how to do is fight, and survive, except I’ll get to a point where I’ll be living NOT just surviving.

    One day you will no longer be in my thoughts, memories. The trauma you caused me will no longer control me. You’ll just fade away.

    Until then, I’ll keep fighting.

    #RapeSurvivors #PTSD #Anxiety #startingover #Divorced #movingforward #Trying #Goodenough