I'm losing feeling in my legs, a little more every day. Along with that, I feel like I'm losing a little more of the dream of the life I delayed to be a responsible parent. I'm having a hard time letting go of those dreams, and the life I took for granted before my diagnosis, without going into a full-on "F the world" depression.
I know that life throws curve balls at us all every day. I've made it this far, but my perspective seems different now. I used to wake up with a clear head, and a bright outlook on what the I can do in the world, and what the world may reveal to me, but now I feel like it will just get darker every day from here on out.
I've been trying to see things now, rather than recreate a vivid vision of a future that could easily be taken from me, but now sucks too.
I know that's a judgement, but nothing takes your masculinity more than having to ask your children for help after falling down in the street. My identity as a strong, self sufficient father to a patient who needs ongoing care.
I'll take it one day at a time, but this is tough. #HereditarySpasticParaplegia #Depression