Part 1 of 2 How are we supposed to cope with the passing of a loved one? I don’t know how we do it. You can’t replace it. The loved one, the loss, or the love. I’m crying right now while I’m typing this blog. I planned on doing this on the 22nd (June) and here it is the 5th of July at almost three in the morning. And now it’s almost 9pm on July 11th. This is going to take longer than I thought. It already has.
My cousin Telesha passed away from cancer on June 22nd ,2020. She was 36 years young with 8 kids. She fought it so valiantly for three years. I got shot five times in which two of the bullets exited and ended up with seven total bullet wounds in one incident, yet I realize that she is and has always been the strongest of us all. Out of the five of us first cousins who grew up together I am the oldest. I’ve experienced more of the unfortunate trauma by far with the exception of her last three years of life. With all that I have been through, I can’t imagine how difficult it had to have been for her. I go and have been through hell and back and back and back again. Yet I realize that she is and has always been the strongest of us all.
That’s why God needed her to come back home. In her 36 years of life she outlived us all. She was a better parent than any of ours were. She cared about me more than my own mother did. She was the only one left who truly understood my pain and genuinely loved me. Her birthday is two weeks before mine and she too is a fellow Leo. We thought alike. It was always so comforting to talk to her. She was my breath of fresh air that I needed to keep from suffocating. Before she passed she just wanted to make sure I would be alright and I assured her I would be and she was so relieved. She cared for me that much. I just had to remind her that I’m me. A soldier and a Leo like she is who is honored to share the same blood as her. I told her that, knowing her, she’ll still be taking care of me. And we both agreed that she’ll be able to do it better now that she’ll have her wings back. She told me that she would have better resources also. See why I love her so much? Who thinks like that? Who would say something like that two weeks before she passed? Telesha. Don’t take this the wrong way. She by no means was saying this in the context of giving up or expecting to die. She said it so matter-of-factly like she was just telling you what time of day it was. She lived the whole time and she still lives on. Up until she passed, she was still the life of the party. She wasn’t in denial, she didn’t fake how she felt or avoid the circumstances. She wasn’t dead and wasn’t about to act like it. And she wouldn’t allow us to either. And we didn’t. That’s what is so special about her. She has always been real and authentic. Telesha.
Cousin off the old block.
I remember the last time I saw her. She was 15 years old. I hadn’t seen her for some years. She had grown. At 15 she was taller than me. I was in my early twenties I think. Anyway, I was working in my stepdad’s financial services office. So I had some money on me. Which I usually do. If I got it, you got it. Period. But with my cousins, they are the type who never ask for it, inquire about it, and could care less. The reason why I mentioned the money is because I always try to make sure my people have some money in their pocket. She was never hurting for it but, with me being the oldest I like to know they have some cash. She was going to be flying back to California and I know how expensive airport prices can be. She wouldn’t let me give her much. She wouldn’t take more than twenty dollars. I was trying to explain to her how everything at the airport literally cost an arm and a leg. I mean that’s the actual price on the price tag. It says “arm” on the front. Turn the price tag over and it says “and a leg”. When she got back to California she called me and said “you weren’t lying, that shit at the airport is expensive”. She never forgot that. She reminded me that I tried to give her all the money in my wallet. That’s how the whole of us five were. We were just always happy to see each other. Money or no money. So unlike our parents.
We taught ourselves love. I’m not gonna cry…
Alright. I lied. I’m crying.
Back to what I was saying. My point is. When I got money, you got money. Period. Who the fuck else is it for? So I asked her if she wanted to get something to eat. I took her down the street to my favorite little spot that always had breakfast. I used to go there everyday. The people that owned and worked there loved me and the feeling was mutual. We had a ball! It was like the world was ours that day. Just reminiscing about when we were kids. We were kids that day. Every time she tried to take a drink of orange juice I’d say something that made her laugh. I got a way about saying some