HIV/AIDS

Who decides what is sensitive #censure

Some time ago here, in the MIGHTY , my normal regular picture, almost headset, it shows black and it says: WARNING, THIS PICTURE MIGHT CONTAIN SENSITIVE CONTENT.

WHAT? Is AI, or THE MIGHTY , talking about the picture or me?

If anything, OK, I am sensitive content.

I am dangerous, because I speak up, and I am an advocate and an activist, and REPRESENTING means a lot to me.

I AM SENSITIVE, because as an empath, I try my best to listen, but also to feel what you are going through, and what my community is going through.

I AM LOUD, I AM LIGHT, I AM MANY COLORS, I AM A LATINO/X/E, I AM AN IMMIGRANT who came to this country with no LEGAL papers, I AM A GAY MAN, who has many shades and it has not been an angel.

I AM A SURVIVOR, 38 years living/dying with HIV, 12 years CANCER survivor, living with CHRONIC PAIN.

I AM, YES< an expression of an AY AY AY AY, because my pain is always there, and even pain has a cultural connotation.

I AM FREE, but ALWAYS a SLAVE of my journey, trying to be always a GOOD BOY.

I AM EXPRESSIVE, when I have sex, and when I feel the rain and the wind over my face and body.

I AM YOURS, if you want to hear my story as part of the HUMAN LIBRARY.

I AM...who you think I AM, but also many other faces that had been part of your experience and your family's experiences.

I AM, a DREAM, A HOPE, A THORN and SEED.

LOVE YOU....because I'm sending you healing energy, and I know you might feel me, and I might give you a smile.

I can get caught in that awful loop of beating myself up, only seeing my flaws, only recognizing things I haven’t done instead of giving myself credit for things I have done, getting stuck in self judgment, only seeming to hear my inner critic’s voice, I can lose all my self confidence, let my self esteem dip and things can look pretty bleak.

Over time more and more I have been able to catch this in the moment, pause, breathe, re-set, and then be gentle with myself and allow myself to shift my energy. I can then take first steps towards better self care…and reverse that repetitive loop, replace it with self respect and start to believe in myself! One situation at a time, I’m getting better … and every time I succeed it can get a little easier the next time. I can see that I have grown along my path and although it can be very hard for me to accept, there is unique beauty to the journey I have been on. I am not broken - I am strong - I have been accepting my flaws and see that as I have picked myself up over and over I have filled myself with gold!

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I find doing a gratitude list can help. A while back it was recommended I process a gratitude list every morning. I like to think of my blessings: roof over my head and food on the table; a car that runs and being able to afford insurance & gas for it; MY HEALTH…here I go through all my 5 senses thankful they all work, touch and feel my legs that didn’t at one point and give thanks that parts of me are healing but by bit ! I give thanks for my whole support network: great doctors & health providers, my friends, and my family!!! I find after doing this I start off the day feeling much better about myself!

What is on your gratitude list?

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #Disability #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Selflove #Selfcare #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #COVID19 #Parkinsonism #Concussion #BrainInjury #Migraine #Headache #BackPain #neckpain #PhysicalTherapy #HIVAIDS #PTSD #Stigma #PeripheralNeuropathy #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #CheckInWithMe #InsideTheMighty #MightyTogether #DistractMe

Being passionate about sports is a trait my Dad passed on and instilled in me from an early age, and watching and talking about them together was a very bonding experience we had that built over the years. When I was young I was very blessed and had the opportunity to attend a lot of games with him live: football & basketball, some baseball & hockey games, and we even went to Indianapolis for the Indy 500 races twice. His father had taken him to the big race a few times too and to many other games when he was a child, which I think had the same impact on him!

I was never a good athlete, but under his tutelage I became very interested in drama and intrigue with sports and began to understand, appreciate and enjoy all the nuances of the games: teams - their players & coaches, stats, and strengths & weaknesses; types of plays; strategies; the history of the sports; … and I adapted Dad’s favorite teams & players and we followed them very passionately, intently and took the games very seriously. To this day I can get depressed after a game my team loses, and as a kid I’d pout and be in a really bad mood, often for days.

We watched games and followed our teams, not just the games, but almost every day, as we even fought for who got the Sports page first! His excitement, curiosity and dedication were contagious.

As I got older and I moved away to other places I made the “pilgrimage” up to two hours every Sunday to watch football with Dad & on Memorial Weekend went to watch the Indy 500 with him almost every year. We didn’t even miss a minute of games, with Mom being part host, part cook & part waitress … bringing us big homemade deli sandwiches, her legendary guacamole, and yummy desserts she baked. Then during commercials sometimes we would both sprint to different bathrooms for a break, rushing so as not to miss a second of the games!

However, I recently realized I have actually tried to avoid watching big games there since he passed away. I just admitted to myself that over 3 years after he died it still can be emotional watching games in the room where we watched events together. It can be a sad & empty feeling🥲 The first games I watched without him there soon after he died were some of the few things that triggered me to cry when I wasn't processing things well yet. When I sat there in my familiar chair and our team scored I would turn to high five him and saw the empty chair he always sat on next to me and suddenly deeply felt his absence… It was one of the first ways I truly realized he wouldn’t be there to share experiences with me (physically) anymore. It hit me hard. The first time I watched a game without him I completely broke down in tears which was the strongest emotion I had experienced since he died to that point.

I realized that sharing sports with him was so much more than the games, it was something we shared together in almost a ritual format for decades, and looking back I remember how much I always looked forward to being with him for each coming game. So I still am deeply invested and tuned into sporting events and that focus can help me to take a break from pain, depression, anxiety, fear & worry. It’s all I think about for that 2 ½-3 hours, sometimes longer.

🏀🏈⚾️⚽️🏒⚽️⚾️🏈🏀

Do any of you take comfort, find refuge, a healthy escape and/or a distraction in watching sports? Or are there other things you enjoy watching like binging episodes of your favorite show? Or watching a movie trilogy over and over? Or watching thrillers that keep you on the edge of your seat, or action or drama movies that take your complete focus like tunnel vision? Or do you enjoy watching nature, animal or history channels? Was sharing them with family a part of your childhood?

What engrosses & entertains you the most? How do these affect your energy and emotions when you watch them? Do you find it a much needed window away from thinking about your health challenges like I do?

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #LossOfAParent #Grief #Disability #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Selfcare #BipolarDisorder #COVID19 #Migraine #Headache #HIVAIDS #PTSD #Stigma #BrainInjury #Concussion #BackPain #neckpain #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #CheckInWithMe #InsideTheMighty #MightyTogether #DistractMe

@texassonrisa
@sparklywartanks

Recent years I have spent the night alone at home, sometimes watching the ball drop and seeing everybody celebrate together which has made me depressed, feel lonely and wishing my physical limitations didn't limit me so much! I am actually in great spirits recentky with parts of my body feeling better! yet I am aware that it might be a tough night for me. Has anyone else been thinking about this? Had this experience in the past too? I think those of us with physical limitations can have these feelings at least some of the time…does that sound familiar?

It would be a closed group with password only offered here directly to members of the group (and MHC FB group) so people can feel safe…we can chat, check in, share stories, even have a meal together (I've done this on zoom dates where we both got the same food! You can’t share apps through the screen😉 but it was a cool experience)

All that said I don’t have a zoom account and have never set up a zoom group…I am not sure if you need one, but if anyone out there can help me with this I would at least go on myself and see who joins me! We could RSVP or just show up, it could be for just 11:00-midnight, or longer and people could just drop in. I plan on smudging my apartment and doing divination readings for the new year…I have done groups where we all lit a candle or burned sage …which is a cool connection.

The idea of a group zoom just hit me yesterday and it seemed like it could be nice for some of us to connect and support each other as it can be a tough holiday for many of us! I am totally open to any suggestions of structure, things to do together, what time window works for people etc and it would really help if someone interested could set up the zoom. I know it’s very last minute but if it doesn’t work I would love to offer one every month or two (maybe on the full moon?!?)

Please tell me what you think of this, if you are interested and if you are technical and can set up things please DM me one-on-one so we don’t have to discuss it back and forth here!)

I know The Mighty had started things called Rooms awhile ago, but I gavent heard about these happening recently, and don’t know if they are still available to do, and I also think there is a way to at least do a group chat which would easier to set up…but i woukd really love to see and hear people, of course you coukd also keep your camera off! I am kind of excited that this could work, even if it’s just a handful of us!

Please chime in about the zoom with your thoughts, interests, and what you think it would “look like” that is best for you…hope to hear from many of you…

In service,
Moshe

You can email me at Justmemoshe@gmail.com

or message me through Facebook where I am Moshe Mark Adler,

I won’t put my phone here but would offer it in a DM if calls or texts work better for you…all that said if nothing else I know how to start a group text so that would be a last option but less “intimate.” I think I could figure out how to do a conference call so we could also do a phone “meeting”.

Just thinking out loud about this and was curious if it might interest others…

I am completely open to brainstorming here together as a group…

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Disability #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #HIVAIDS #COVID19 #Migraine #MightyTogether #IfYouFeelHopeless #CheckInWithMe #DistractMe

Are you really looking forward to seeing family and friends? or Do you dread being alone? Do you love hearing Christmas songs on the radio or at the mall? or Do you just wish it would be 2024 already? For me it makes me feel a mixture of these…each year I go down to see my mom and family for Chanukah which created social anxiety for me this year but eventually I settled in and enjoyed the company and connections which was nice, then since I came back home at times I have felt sad, lonely and isolated! I celebrated Hanukkah weeks ago and In the past I have felt like so many others are being festive and celebrating Christmas with a decorated house, sparkling tree, and presents for all…without me …especially when I was younger! What are you looking forward to doing this weekend? I send you all blessings for a festive, joyful and special time!

#ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #physicalpain #PeripheralNeuropathy #BackPain #Migraine #Headache #COVID19 #covidlonghaul #Disability #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar1 #Bipolar2 #BipolarDepression #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #HIVAIDS #longtermsurvivor #PTSD #PainAcceptance #Acceptance #Happiness #Selflove #Selfcare #MightyMinute #MightyTogether #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #MentalHealthHero

Being uncomfortable and uncertain have been challenges I have faced very regularly in my life, and I have dealt with so many times that were “hard”, full of pain, made me anxious or angry, wore me down, and tested my fortitude & resilience. I used to always fight and push through these obstacles and challenges every day facing things head on. I was stubborn, determined to keep going no matter what…and I got a lot done, stayed busy and proved to myself I wasn’t a quitter and could accomplish anything I put my mind to. I certainly did grow in many ways and find out a lot about myself and what I was capable of doing, and gained confidence and learned to feel comfortable with adversity…

…Yet I did so without realizing I was pushing my body to its limit and maxing myself out! I wouldn’t pay attention when my back was screaming to be rested, my neuropathy in my legs and feet burned so much and they begged to be kicked up & treated, and/or when I had a blistering migraine that made me so sensitive to light, sound & movement, and completely drained my energy. I still pushed through.

Then something happened … I don’t remember who it was or what they said, but I had a light bulb go off, an epiphany of sorts. It changed my thinking and how I have chosen to function since then. I realized I don’t have to always be strong, determined and push myself so hard just to prove (to myself) that I am willing and able to get things done.

I can just pause for a moment, breath, and do a little personal inventory to see how parts of my body are really feeling, then if they are telling me to stop I have learned to be gentle with myself and take a break, not feel like I have to do everything on my ToDo list that day. Then I almost always find that I can just call it a day…. I can table everything left on my list til the next day or two, and my world won’t come crashing down. I have learned that I am almost always the one putting all the pressure on myself, I am the one who sets unrealistic goals, I am the one that doesn’t want to admit to myself that I have numerous challenges that require regular care and that I have limitations of what my body can do.

I am disabled and that’s ok. It’s ok to not be 100%, It’s ok to need to use a cane, It’s ok that I get brain fog & stutter, it’s ok that I have to wear obnoxiously big migraine glasses in public, it’s ok to need to use handicap parking spaces…and it’s ok if some days I don’t complete everything on my list, and instead choose to be mindful that I’m tired and pushing through would make it worse.

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Yet, some days I’m tired but I still want to go on the daily walk my Physical Therapist has finally cleared me to go on, I still want to finish a project in my kitchen, join my family for a big dinner, or go to the men’s group meetings I have missed for a long while. Then sometimes I still push it and do them, but only if first I can honestly tell myself it’s not too much and that I will also choose to stay mindful along the way and just stop when it’s time to stop!

For me it’s about balance, acceptance and practicing good self care! A lifelong journey…one challenge at a time!

What have you learned about your body? Can you step back, scan yourself and let yourself rest if necessary? Please be gentle with yourselves … dealing with multiple health challenges can be tough enough, I’ve learned that my stubbornness and pride have often made things worse!

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Disability #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Selflove #Selfcare #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #ADHD #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #COVID19 #Migraine #Headache #HIVAIDS #PeripheralNeuropathy #BackPain #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #CheckInWithMe #InsideTheMighty #DistractMe #MightyTogether #conqueryourmind