So I acted on #impulse and went out last night I am not sure why I had been great for 7 days straight. It didn't go good at least not for me. I managed to get home this morning but will I be able to stay determined and say no to doing what I don't want to do in order to keep " #Hope " of not being #Abandoned God I hope so. But #HowTo Do this??
Last couple of days I've felt so drained and all I've done is sleep. My head on the other hand is so busy and messy and just dam right getting on my nerves.
So many thoughts going around.
Ive had so many impulsive thought s and it's been so hard to fight them but luckily I have.
The need to spend money. Sleep with people. The need to try and get pregnant. The need to get drunk. The need to take drugs with the thought that with that all these thoughts will just disappear like that due to them.
Well we all know those impulses always feel great at the time but they only last for so little and you end up in a worst off position then you were in before.
So I've tried my hardest to fight but it's meant I've just had to sleep it off I've had to stay at home in bed and not go out. Not go to a friend's birthday party.
My bed is my safe place.
Last time I decided to try and fight it and enjoy myself it went against me and I ended up hurting so many peoples feelings out of anger and then stood at edge of a cliff as I felt there was no going back.
So I feel lost. I feel like I try to step forward only to get pushed 2 or maybe even 10 steps back.
I fight these impulses only to feel a let down, lazy and lonely however I just don't know how else to live with it. Most impulses have always ended with me trying to end my life out of guilt or shame on top of everything else that goes on in my brain and I hate it.
At this moment in life I don't want to die and it's scary to think something so little can change the way I think. To think I can just dissociate and it all be over when i feel low whilst the inner scared drained me wants to still be here. #impulse #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #Anxiety #exhausted #Drained
As someone who fights BPD, impulsive buying is one of my biggest weaknesses. The frustrating part is that I know that I could just say “no”. But for some reason, I can’t. I don’t have the money to be reckless with, and I end up stressing myself out to the point of making myself sick. Has anyone else had/have this issue? How did you overcome it?
I’ve been REALLY struggling lately. I have bipolar II, GAD, and OCD/trich. Today I spazzed out on my husband and accused him of something on impulse and now am putting the pieces back together. I’ve always struggled - now more so than ever - with impulsivity. It bothers me because I feel like I can’t control my life. Anyone who deals w impulsivity please give tips on discipline and self-encouragement! I’m wondering now if I have ADHD. It feels like the list of things wrong w me grows Longer w the day. Help please. #impulse #GAD #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #BipolarDisorder #spouse
Reflecting on choices
Shame lurking throughout the day
The night was calling
Just wanting to play
It will be fine
You’ll be fine
Control is lost
It is no longer mine
Is it the need to impress
Or just to destress
Or just chasing the feeling
Still ending in regret
Reflecting on choices
At times a lost cause
But there will be more choices
Not all is lost after all