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Afraid of judgment by therapisf

I see a clinical psychologist about once a month, and lately I’ve been feeling like she judges me.

I’m going to be honest…I believe I am imagining it out of guilt for my shortcomings and issues.

But it is affecting how honest I am with her. I know…I know in my heart of hearts, and with my whole brain that honesty is the most important thing when dealing with my mental health team.

My husband says I should bring it up with her. But then I worry about her judging me for my paranoia…

Where does it end?

Have you ever been in a position like this? How did you handle it? #BipolarDisorder #Therapy #Judgment #honesty


The Second Arrow and the Balm of Compassion

We’re in the middle of a global crisis. Still, self #Judgment looms, especially as a parent. What if we were able to develop a sort of friendship with the uncertainty and discomfort we are feeling during the #pandemic , and even pass on that skill to our #Children ?

As a caring and concerned person, how can you NOT be suffering, to some extent, right now? As parents, responsible for raising caring and concerned people, the weight of every decision is heavy. The future is uncertain, and difficult to plan for. The lack of control over basic needs can be triggering.

It makes sense that we evolved as #Parents to be sensitive, and adapt to threats in our environment. That is how we keep our little ones safe.


I try not to reject my #Anxiety , while also not letting it run my life. We are #anxious right now for good reasons! We’re in the middle of an unprecedented global pandemic! Even ‘BC’ we had plenty to be concerned about as parents. 

However, I want to manage my fear enough that I don’t constantly have a knot in my stomach, clenched jaw and jumpy thoughts. I want to catch myself right before I yell at my kid or criticize my husband. I want to help others who are suffering.

I also want to have access to the other #feelings that are present alongside my fear: coziness, hopefulness, courage, trust, grief. They’re all in there together. The ones I reject, fester. So, I do my best to own and embrace all of my feelings, even the unpopular ones. 

My son is doing better at remote learning, and yet I imagine  other children sitting at their little desks, independently working away, and I tighten up. I get tougher on him, even though he’s doing the best he can under the circumstances.

I feel like that evaluative mind, looming over to judge even the judgement, is so exhausting and hard to shake.

There’s a Buddhist concept of the “second arrow“ that I find helpful. By judging myself or getting mad about having the uncomfortable feelings, I’m causing myself a second helping of suffering. Why???

Parenting consciously demands that I examine my deeply held beliefs, and decide how I interact with them. 

The #self -compassion process called RAIN has been a solace. I learned it from #Meditation teacher Tara Brach, and it is the one practice where my underlying feelings and needs feel safe enough to show themselves. I coax them gently to the surface, and, rather than trying to dispose of them, I engage in relationship with them. I ask them what they need. In a nutshell:





After the RAIN 

Here’s a podcast I recorded, guiding you through it: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/healthy-happy-yoga/id1449863064" originalText="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/healthy-happy-yoga/id1449863064?i=1000450115383


What if we commit to each other that we will allow our feelings to be here, without evaluating or judging them, even if just for today?


Sudden realisation at 63

It’s become very clear to me at this age that for my whole life I’ve been comparing myself & everything I do to others. Of course I usually don’t measure up to what I consider to be perfection. I compare my appearance to people on TV, I look at real people that I encounter & think....if I looked like you...I’d never be sad or unworthy. But when I think of the number of beautiful women that have ended their lives, that can’t be true. I compare my home, my cleanliness, my clothes. Everything & 99% of the time I feel miserable because I feel below par. Anyone else have this problem ? #BodyImage #Unrealisticexpectations #Judgment