knowthesigns

#Depression #knowthesigns until a few years ago I thought I was lazy and messy until someone showed me I was crying for help.

Today happens to be my birthday. I don't want your congratulations. I share this because I am a senior citizen still struggling, after a lifetime of battling depression and anxiety. I am so tired of this up and down, back and forth, the depth of the depression growing as I age and my inability to cope getting stronger and stronger. I used to wish I were dead. Now, I truly wish I had NEVER been born. Nothing I have experienced in my life has been so magnificent that, were I never to have walked the Earth, anyone's existence would have been lessened. I do not have a support system. The mental health worker I see dispenses the same old meds and sees me out the door. I moved a year ago from the east coast to the west, so I'm a fish out of water and a human with no humanity around her. Only others who have experienced this battle with chronic REALLY understand and sympathize. Many believe I can "will" this away. Really??? Ithink what I might need is one person to talk with regularly. I need to know there is one person who cares about me. I don't need a party; I need a hug and a word of encouragement.... Truth: I was having a very bad evening last week and called Suicide Prevention to hear a compassionate voice. I was put on hold because of the call volume.... kinda says it all, eh?!?
#CheckInWithMe