Suicide Prevention

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    Guilt.

    I can not do today. I have been struggling for weeks, but I keep pushing and shoving myself to keep going. I know the signs that I'm hurting, but "I'm doing so much better now" so I don't feel like I'm allowed to go backwards...I can't stay in bed anymore. I have come too far. I called out of work today because I literally couldn't pull myself out of bed. I can. I know I can, but today was too much. My head hurts from medication withdrawal because my shipment from the pharmacy is delayed and the migraine is making me feel sick. I feel hopeless and defeated, but still feel overwhelming guilty for taking time from work to try to take care of myself... if I had a stomach bug or the flu I wouldn't feel like this...my boss never answered me. Never responded. Now I'm terrified for my job on top of it and I feel guilty, but still can't get out of bed.

    #MentalHealthisHealth
    #MajorDepressiveDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder
    #SuicidalIdeation
    #PTSD
    #mentalhealthmatters
    #StopTheStigma
    #SuicidePrevention
    #itsokaytonotbeokay

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    I may be done with posting

    So after event of today I am thinking about stopping my posting on here and my blog. I received a comment from someone, a lengthy one. Telling me that I use my blog to destroy others and masks how horrible of a person I am. The commenter said I am manipulative and don’t have a mental illness. The person stated all my suicide attempts were the result of be not wanting to take responsibility of m y action. They said I am selfish and that all I do is post lies and use post to make myself look better for my upcoming hearing. The commenter said that all the bullying I endured the past eight years was people seeing the real me. Also, that all the friends I lost were because they realized I am a horrible, manipulative human being. A final huge take away from the comment is that someone with as bad of a mental illness I claim I have would never be able to hold a job for eight years, graduate from college, or be able to get into nursing school. One other final comment was for me to kill myself and make the world a better place.

    I don’t really know what to say by the comments. They are extremely hurtful. I post on here and my blog to discuss thoughts and beliefs I have and as a may to talk about trauma I have endured through my life. I feel I have been devalued. I am just left speechless. I really need to sit back and think about if I want to continue because what if everyone that read anything I post on here or my blog in the same way. But I truly do get nice comments from people on here and on my blog.

    #MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #cruelity #Blog #Suicide #SuicidePrevention

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    We Are Suicide Prevention #PMDD #MentalHealth #SuicidePrevention #TheMighty

    Someone said to me recently,
    'You don't find Suicide Prevention, It Finds You.
    Those words sent shivers through me, like I'd never expected.

    It couldn't be a truer statement.

    It was something, that as a young child, my family would never have thought they would need to equip themselves with; preventing my suicide. As an adult my husband needs to furnish himself with knowledge on how to prevent my suicide.

    People don't know how to talk to you afterwards, they look at you differently, treat you differently. They want to acknowledge what you have done, without actually acknowledging it.
    A fractured mind, a broken soul.

    There's a stigma attached to suicide within society.
    There's a stigma attached to hormones, mental health and menstrual health with society.
    Thankfully its felt by the few and not the many.

    Suicide Prevention is us sharing our stories, reaching others, creating those lightbulb moments & just listening & carrying the weight as a community when the burden of living becomes too heavy in this the cyclical life of PMDD, not just for us as #PMDDPEEPS , but for our partners, our loved ones, our children, our friends, family too, because they feel the weight of our condition as us also.

    We Are Suicide Prevention.

    #SuicidePrevention #PreventingPMDDsuicide #PMDD #PremenstrualDysphoricDisorder #MentalHealth #TheMighty #SuicideAwareness #Suicide #Depression #PmddAwareness #Hormones

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    Suicide Prevention Month

    September is National Suicide Prevention Month. Our world has been rapidly changing, stress abounds and it’s taking a toll on some of the most vulnerable populations, including our youth and young adults. It is not only in the mental health community. Cases of suicide are on the rise across the board, which makes learning the warning signs more important than ever.

    Mental illness does not discriminate as to race, background, religion, age, gender, or position in life. As an advocate and a survivor of mental illness and suicidal ideation, I thought it would be helpful to discuss this topic. IT IS OK TO TALK ABOUT SUICIDE. After all, if we do not, severe consequences could be ahead.

    I want to discuss one part of suicidal ideation today – first contact. This can be done by either party, i.e. a loved one where the person is in crisis, or you, yourself can initiate the conversation. The topic is, the person struggling is thinking of taking their life. What is important is noticing when something seems ‘off’. When you have a close relationship with a person who lives with mental illness, it is important to sense when their symptoms are on the decline. They may stop eating, are secluding themselves or they may discontinue basic self-care. Warding off crisis mode is the most important thing. Once a person hits crisis mode, everything is exacerbated and much harder to deal with.

    I picked up a phone call last year, not from a friend but an acquaintance. I had a casual relationship with her through work. She confessed to me she didn’t know where to turn at that moment. She didn’t want her personal life altered by reaching out. Uttering the word ‘suicide’ is a big thing. This can be a huge stumbling block in announcing “I feel suicidal”. She knew I was a mental health advocate and spoke openly as to the topic. I thank God she reached out to me.

    The last thing the person wants to hear is, “oh you’ll be fine, you’re just having a bad day, snap out of it. Why don’t you do something fun like have an ice cream cone or hug a baby? Remember all the beautiful things you have in life to live for.” Platitudes and well-meaning surfacey sayings are not going to cut it here. You either move into the foxhole with the person, or, it can be make or break. The ultimate first step is getting them to reach out to the suicide hotline. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) has installed a new number for just this topic. It is 988. You use it just like 911 to talk or text with a trained counselor.

    If you are not able to handle the situation, please have the person dial that hotline number. Don’t send them to another family member, your priest, minister or friend. I am convinced, unless the person is trained in what to say, it can make the situation go south very quickly. There is no reason for you to feel guilt when there are trained personnel ready to deal with a crisis situation such as this.

    Back to our story, the first thing I had this woman do was a ‘brain dump’ of everything she was thinking and feeling. I was prepared to hear her out, no matter how raw or vivid her words got. I stayed silent. I did not respond until she was done completely with dumping her feelings.

    The next thing I did was affirm her. I said things like, “Susie, I completely understand why you could feel that way. It must be such a rough time for you right now. How long have you been thinking these thoughts? Have you held them in, journaled or talked to anyone else about what you’re feeling? Have you reached out to your therapist or psychiatrist?” I listened as she fed me more information. I did not respond or try to fix her.

    Next I asked her, “Susie do you have a plan? Do you know exactly how you would go about it? Are the items necessary to do so in your possession currently? If so, where are they located? If not, how do you plan to get them?” I dove right into the point of access as to how serious she was. I let her walk through her words of how exactly she would execute her plan.

    It is imperative that you do not get fearful in your voice or response. Try to keep as calm and monotone as possible without breaking a sweat and screaming “you can’t do that – what are you, nuts?” This is not about you. Your focus is totally on the other person.

    Then, you make the issue third person. You say something such as, “let’s see if we can tackle this problem together. This problem needs addressing and I need your help to do that. Are you willing to take a few next steps with me to tackle it?” This way you separate the intimacy of the act and urgency of the feelings for the person.
    You might say, “Susie, there is a new hotline number to call that will lead you to some more healthy options than what you’re currently thinking right now. Is there any reason why you couldn’t call that number and get back to me immediately after the call? I care very much about you and would hate for anything to happen. Let’s see what these trained professionals have to say and then discuss that next.”

    You are leading the person through to the next step. You are letting them know you are not freaked out by what they are saying. You’re not judging what they are saying. Nor are you allowing yourself to try to be the answer. What you are being is a stable and safe place for the person to be able to talk through their feelings.

    It is also important that you do not phone the nearest relative or friend and spill your guts about what Susie has divulged to you. Obviously she trusts you to hold things in confidence. Your spilling of Susie’s story to anyone that has gossiping ears and would love to hear this juicy tidbit, is off the board. If it gets back to Susie, you have lost her confidence, her trust in you and she loses her hope. That is what hangs in the balance here.

    I want to share that my friend not only made it through her crisis moment, she is thriving and doing great as I write this. Please also understand that suicidal ideation, also known as suicidal thoughts, are a temporary and fleeting thing. It will not be followed through with unless the person does not reach out and/or gets a very bad response when they do.

    This is why I felt led to make a blog on first contact. First contact is paramount in this situation. Chances are if they don’t get a great response from you, they are going to not pick up that phone again and will go further down the rabbit hole of suicidal ideation.

    I remember when I was in my early twenties. I was married to my first husband and his father suffered severely with depression. He would come to our home as newlyweds and would tinker, fix things and have dinner with us. It was his way of keeping busy and not diving into his depressive feelings. He would talk constantly about his dark ideations. My ex and I were young and stupid. Very stupid. After months of this behavior went on, it was coming between our marriage. Finally, one evening, in a fit of rage and desperation, we both yelled at him, “Stop talking about it … if you’re going to do it, just do it!”

    The next week he was found in a hotel room. He had done it all right. My ex came home from identifying his father. He looked at me and proclaimed, “you are responsible for this.” Needless to say that was the end of my first marriage. I would confess the incident has haunted me my entire life. I am at an age now, where I realize after much therapy and training from resources provided by the Mental Health Community, that I am not responsible for my ex-husband’s father’s death. I was young and naive and there were not as many options available as there are today.

    My friends, anyone reading, this is how serious it is. Your reaction, your words, will either compel the person to continue to have hope, or repel them into thinking there is no way out.

    I hope that this blog has enlightened some areas of darkness on this topic. My prayer is that you will not respond in panic or fear, should a person reach out to you one day. #SuicidePrevention

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    Suicide Attempt Survivor

    Being a Suicide Attempt Survivor

    Not until recently I was able to come to grips and admit to people that I have attempted suicide three times in my life. It was something I always held closely and under lock and key. I didn’t want to be judged or looked gone upon by others. My hardest suicide attempt to come to grips with was my second suicide attempt, suicide by hanging. This suicide attempt people knew I was going through a struggle and with this attempt I had marks to show what I had done. At first, I was able to downplay the marks on my neck as marks from shaving. Gradually people started to figure it out and this is when my suicide attempt which was already hard to grasps became even harder to grasp. I remember when the first two people figured it out and there first response was, I am selfish. Then came the next response that I am manipulative and attention seeking. This suicide attempt was related to an girlfriend that cheated on me and destroyed me mentally. So, I remember a few people telling me I got what I deserved both from her cheating and my mental state. The final unique response because many echoed the responses of others, was that I was a failure and that the nurse that was my coworker would teach me how to do it properly next time.

    Being a suicide attempt survivor is extremely hard because society is full of stereotypes and stigmas that degrade and devalue the struggles people go through with mental health. Instead of view a suicide attempt as an unanswered call for help, many people view it was a failure on the attempters part. Whether it be a failure to do it properly or a failure to control their mental health. Showing weakness is too often viewed as a negative thing, when in actuality it is a great strength.

    bipolartater.com/being-a-suicide-attempt-survivor

    #MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #Suicide #SuicidePrevention #suicideattemptsurvivor #Depression

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    For those struggling with suicidal thoughts: what helps you during hard times? #NationalSuicidePreventionWeek #Suicide #SuicideAwareness #SuicidePrevention

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    Suicide Prevention Week #SuicidePrevention #MentalHealthAwareness #Suicide

    It's Suicide Prevention Week.

    As a mental health writer and advocate I pledged to be the voice to those who are afraid to seek help. Did you know there are millions of people around the world who are suffering from mental health issues and are debating suicide? The majority of those people don’t have access to receive mental health needs. This NEEDS to change!

    Know the warning signs and be the change to help prevent it. It takes one voice and one conversation to just change ONE life. A person can seem fine in their day to day life, but behind closed doors tells a different story.

    Remember!
    • to be patient with yourself and others.
    •be kind to your mind🧠
    •your life matters
    •the world is better with you in it
    • you are never alone.

    I see you, and I hear you. My inbox is always open to anyone who feels like they just can’t go on anymore. Give yourself credit for how far you’ve come. One day at a time.

    If you're in crisis, call or text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988. #SuicidePreventionMonth #mentalhealthmatters

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    Trying to Live

    I am trying to live with a mind that's constantly high or low; with no in betweens! Sometimes it's hard to face myself. Sometimes it's just hard to live, period.

    I wake up to fight the same demons that I fought yesterday; it's a daily struggle! I'm just trying to live in this world but I must admit that these suicidal thoughts paralize me sometimes.

    I know that on a physical level I'm alive but on an emotional level I feel dead inside like I am ready to collapse because I'm drowning in my sorrow and pain. . . .

    Being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is very hard to accept because people judge you and try to make you feel like you're not normal; in reality normal doesn't exist anyway.

    Having BPD and dealing with such intense emotions and struggling to even know who you are sometimes can make one feel hopeless honestly speaking but as a suicide attempt survivor I am not going to give up this fight!

    Yes; trying to live with BPD is extremely difficult but I know I am not alone. I know I survived for a bigger purpose than myself. I know that I am more than my diagnosis. My identity is not defined by my mental illness.

    I am trying to live, to do better, to survive, to have hope, to love again, to dream again, to fight, to be strong, and be brave in this life.

    Because as long as I am breathing, there is life in me and that means there is purpose in me and I will never give up on that and neither should you.

    We can fight this. We're in this together!

    #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Trying #Suicide #SuicideAwareness #SuicidePrevention #Life #SuicidalThoughts #youmatter #fight #notalone #keepfighting #NeverGiveUp #Pain #sorrow #despair #Depression #BPD

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    The truth about me and my mental health

    I may not getting many views of my blog, YouTube videos, Twitter, or Instagram. But most are important for me in my management of my mental illness. They give me not only an outlet to advocate, but also a way to get my racing thoughts out there and most important a way to attempt to take back my narrative. So for the past two and a half hours I worked on creating a meaningful blog post about the truth about me. Very few will ever read it, but for me it was a way to deal with my PTSD and trauma not only from my past but also my present. The following link is to my blog.

    bipolartater.com/september-5-2022-the-truth

    #MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #takebackyournarrative #Suicide #SuicideAwareness #SuicidePrevention #MentalHealthAwareness #Depression #Anxiety #MyJourney