Suicide Prevention

Thank you for any help sometimes I feel like I can’t cope well with life or when things get dark I get like that but I don’t want to go back to past attempts like I have, reaching out for help but curious for those who can relate to having those thoughts 💭 at times when life is a bit of a mess

But do your best to ignore them. What helps you cope or accept them. Besides reaching for help which is always the best to do so you’re not alone.

#question #chronic #SuicidePrevention #MentalHealth #forum #thanks

This is a story about the power of time. They say that time can heal all wounds. While I’m not positive that is 100 percent correct, the ones it doesn’t, time helps you learn to live with.

For me, time legitimately changed what the truth is. For nearly 4 decades, you could’ve said any hateful adjective or insult to describe me. You could say I was a poor, angry, trailer park, white trash loser, with absolutely no future, among countless other things. You would’ve been 100 percent correct, for nearly four decades.

Until, one day, to no one’s surprise more than mine. You would be dead wrong. Without me even realizing it, somehow mine went from a story of seemingly endless struggle, pain, sorrow, and loneliness to become a story of perseverance, fulfillment, and personal triumph.

“Money doesn’t buy happiness” is something I believed and would spout off about to anyone that would listen for the majority of my life. I still believe that at its core, but a modified version. When you come from poverty, a level of poverty that is hard for most people to truly comprehend, not having to spend every waking second worried about money and how I’m going to stay afloat in the moment, with absolutely not even a thought about my future, has changed my life. It has allowed me to let go of lots of anger and resentment I had towards the entire world and grow in so many areas of my life that I had been neglecting or downright ignoring the existence of. I am without question a better person today. I am a better person to myself and to other people. Isn’t that what life is about?

The purpose of me sharing all of this is because if I can change my life, so can you. There is no reason I should be anything but the angry loser I was my entire life.

I am one of 9 kids to 2 teenage parents without even High School diplomas and only one of them worked. Being teenagers themselves when they started a family, they had no idea of the world and hadn’t lived at all themselves to know enough to be able to offer the type of care and support that children need. The combination of extreme poverty(by American standards) and the complete lack of parenting and support that I needed left me angry, insecure, and directionless. I, myself, only have a South Florida public HS education. I have no special skills or talents that make me any more valuable than the most basic and mediocre amongst us. Yet, somehow, I not only overcame all of that, but for the first time in my life, the thing that seemed so far beyond my reach that to even dream about it seemed foolhardy, is happening. I am thriving. I made more money this year than I ever imagined possible for someone like me. I have a career. I took more vacation time this year than in any 2 years prior. I am able to travel. I will be able to retire one day. All this has allowed me to achieve more personal enlightenment, satisfaction, and happiness than I ever knew was possible. Just because I’m not stressed every second and angry about how far behind in life I started than most others.

So how did all this happen?

Time.

I just needed to keep showing up. Not to say it was easy or that I ever believed it would happen. I wanted to give up more times than I can count. There wasn’t more than a handful or two of days between age 15 and 38 that I didn’t consider killing myself. But, despite everyone my whole life telling me I wasn’t confident, I refused to give up on myself. Maybe I didn’t believe that things would get better, but with all the shit I had been through, I didn’t want whatever the final straw it was that beat me to be the thing that I couldn’t overcome.

I know what you’re thinking, that I need to give myself more credit. That I must’ve done something or worked hard enough to get to this point. That’s kind of my point though. I am not special. Working hard and to keep showing up takes absolutely no skill or talent. It’s the only reason I can do it. The only thing I will say that I did different to start this change in my life was to take a chance that things could be better for me elsewhere with a fresh start. I got an opportunity and finally didn’t blow it. Aside from that, I just kept showing up and working hard….and let time take care of the rest.

Keep showing up for yourself

Love

#MentalHealth #Depression #SuicidePrevention #overcome

youtu.be/Qx_2alzY_KU
#Depression #depressionawareness #MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #MentalHealthAwareness #SuicidePrevention #Suicide #Viral #viralvideo

I can not do today. I have been struggling for weeks, but I keep pushing and shoving myself to keep going. I know the signs that I'm hurting, but "I'm doing so much better now" so I don't feel like I'm allowed to go backwards...I can't stay in bed anymore. I have come too far. I called out of work today because I literally couldn't pull myself out of bed. I can. I know I can, but today was too much. My head hurts from medication withdrawal because my shipment from the pharmacy is delayed and the migraine is making me feel sick. I feel hopeless and defeated, but still feel overwhelming guilty for taking time from work to try to take care of myself... if I had a stomach bug or the flu I wouldn't feel like this...my boss never answered me. Never responded. Now I'm terrified for my job on top of it and I feel guilty, but still can't get out of bed.

#MentalHealthisHealth
#MajorDepressiveDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder
#SuicidalIdeation
#PTSD
#mentalhealthmatters
#StopTheStigma
#SuicidePrevention
#itsokaytonotbeokay

So after event of today I am thinking about stopping my posting on here and my blog. I received a comment from someone, a lengthy one. Telling me that I use my blog to destroy others and masks how horrible of a person I am. The commenter said I am manipulative and don’t have a mental illness. The person stated all my suicide attempts were the result of be not wanting to take responsibility of m y action. They said I am selfish and that all I do is post lies and use post to make myself look better for my upcoming hearing. The commenter said that all the bullying I endured the past eight years was people seeing the real me. Also, that all the friends I lost were because they realized I am a horrible, manipulative human being. A final huge take away from the comment is that someone with as bad of a mental illness I claim I have would never be able to hold a job for eight years, graduate from college, or be able to get into nursing school. One other final comment was for me to kill myself and make the world a better place.

I don’t really know what to say by the comments. They are extremely hurtful. I post on here and my blog to discuss thoughts and beliefs I have and as a may to talk about trauma I have endured through my life. I feel I have been devalued. I am just left speechless. I really need to sit back and think about if I want to continue because what if everyone that read anything I post on here or my blog in the same way. But I truly do get nice comments from people on here and on my blog.

#MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #cruelity #Blog #Suicide #SuicidePrevention