messedup

Recently, I’ve been feeling like I’m spiraling downwards. I’ve been pushing off, important things I need to do, I’ve been making excuses for everything, and my mood is like a tornado, never to know where it will lead me. It’s been extremely stressful these last few months. I need to plan a wedding, in my home country of Germany, with my fiancé, that’s Italian-American with dual citizenship. And let me tell you, I’ve never hated German bureaucracy more in my goddamn fucking life. From horrible opening hours to, OHHH we’re not open on Mondays or weekends. I also should clean up my apartment, which by the way, I haven’t done in weeks. And then, there’s the big clock ticking over my head, that I need to empty out my home by mid April. So I’m running out of time, and my motivation is nowhere to be found. Giving up is not an option, I can’t let my fucked up head, and my unmotivated ass, get the best of me. I know I can do all of this, I did if before! I’ve packed up my whole life, and moved across the Atlantic before, so why shouldn’t I be able to do it now?! It’s just another move, just another episode of my head, not agreeing with my responsibilities, just another way, my ADHD is testing its limits. But I didn’t come this far, to just give in to it now. I’ve fought before and I’ll fight again this time.
I know I’m not the only one here, to have these problems. Hell, all you moms out there are superheroes to me, with your organization, planning, and executing of all the things you have to manage daily. So can we make a deal for just right now, and you’ll be my mom for a second, and you tell me how to get my head out of my ass, and get my shit done! Pretty please with a cherry on top? #needhelp #Unmotivatedperfectionist #stressmanagement #Anxiety #movingout #Cleaninghouseissues

Why this pain??
Why this sadness,??
Why can’t it be painless for a day,some minutes,seconds, some time??
Why this stupid disatisfactory feeling??
Why this need to make everybody else happy except for myself??
Why do I feel trapped?
Why not a freaking day of happiness??
Why this feeling of loneliness??
Why this feeling of getting out of this life,,wanting to forget each person I know and then feeling would I be able to live without them???
#messedup

My anxiety levels are sky high.

Please heart this.

I don’t Know why I just need to share

#Anxiety #CheckInWithMe #MightyTogether #messedup

I still am wondering why some people jumped into the conclusion that the trigger for my depression was a break up from a past relationship... I am surprised even the first time I heard it from an older colleague... and then from another... To be honest, it is sickening and confusing. It was a brief, superficial relationship after all and I was able to cope up sooner than I expected since it was the first... Anyway, I am more worried of the people in the workplace who I think are the real triggers of my condition... but there are friends... and then there are foes... I hope I’ll continually learn dealing with different personalities... #messedup

#CheckInWithMe