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Not feeling like a person.....just a list of symptoms. #Bipolar #Mixed episode #side effects #Migraine #chronic pain syndrome

I have been in an extremely prolonged mixed episode. Along with severe headaches every day, anxiety, and severe chronic pain in every joint and muscle in my body. My psychiatrist also does my psychotherapy.
But, I hate it when my symptoms become so bad and the prominent thing in my life...so bad that pretty much all my interactions with my psychiatrist are checking in or dealing with my symptoms directly and we can't do the real therapy that I need so badly.
He has put me on a couple new meds and medicine that affects my thinking or brain chemistry don't usually go over too well with my body. I have on numerous occasions become very sick. Sick enough to be admitted to the hospital for medical care (as opposed to the psych unit).
So I understand why we have to be extremely careful and monitor every little thing because when things have gone wrong in the past sometimes they have gone wrong very fast.
But my psychiatrist is who knows me the best. And the person I trust the most. And when we have to interrupt psychotherapy to deal with all the symptoms we are trying to get relief from and side effects from meds......it sometimes makes me feel like I have been reduced to a list of symptoms to check on and make sure I am not having dangerous side effects. Same list of questions at every appointment and every interaction. Then we run out of time until next appointment.
And I know it might not be his intention or even his experience -that I have become just a list. But, that's not how I FEEL. FEEL is what I want to do. FEEL is what I need. But there is just so much other stuff going on. Important stuff. I understand that he has to check the questions....because if I die or can't get the symptoms and side effects under control then there is no way we can delve into the hard psychotherapy work we have started but desperately need to continue. My brain understands this. My feelings don't understand exactly because they need to come out. It leaves me feeling even more sad and empty.
Anyone else experience times like this with your psychiatrist, psychotherapist, therapist?? #Bipolar #Mixed episode #Migraine #central pain syndrome

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Support needed

With Fibromyalgia, Hashimoto’s, Depression, Anxiety and 4 back surgeries, I found out yesterday that I have to have another surgery and it’s a doozy. My kyphosis scoliosis went from 10 to 40 degrees in a year, and 13 more degrees in 4 months. I live in constant chronic pain, which my medications no longer provide much help. My neurosurgeon told me my spine is basically collapsing on itself. My muscles and tendons are not doing their job supporting it and my only hope to not live in so much pain is to have a scoliosis surgery, where rods and screws will be put in my thoracic area. 3-5 day hospital stay and doc says I will hate him for the first 6 months. I am in my early 50’s, and scared to do it but also scared to have it progress even more.
Anyone else out there have this surgery? I’m nervous as hell. #kyphosis scoliosis #Fibromyalgia #hashimoto #Depression #Anxiety #Mixed connective tissue disease

15 reactions 12 comments

Anxiety or Manic Episode coming on? #Anxiety #Manic #Bipolar #Mixed episode

How do any of you with bipolar/mixed episodes and anxiety distinguish between an episode of extreme anxiety or if it is a manic episode beginning? I suffer greatly from mixed episodes and anxiety. When my thoughts start to get fast or I get super nervous I have trouble knowing if it's anxiety or another bout of manic symptoms beginning. I have so much fear it's the manic coming back.

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#do not give up

Last week I took too many tablets, my way of self harming. I had had enough and just wanted to sleep .... Yesterday I felt like doing the same but started to do something and the horrid feelings eased. I know I am not sleeping much and am worried about having a #Mixed episode again. Please help.


Bipolar #Mixed episodes #Depression

I can’t figure it out. Like what is wrong with me. I tend to want to be isolated a lot or I want to be around people and talk. Why can’t my head not focus straight and be clear minded? Why tf do I go in hyper moods? I just rather stay depressed for the rest of my life because at least I feel like I’m normal then. Why the hell do I have anxiety so fuckin much and it’s not even anxiety that bothers me as much as the facts that my brain feels like it doesn’t think shit thru and that pissed me off because it effects my out look towards people. I lack so much confidence in my self I literally had to keep a dem journal and write down shit to motivate self to stay alive. I feel like shit everyday. I wake up in the morning then I just wanna be shut off from the world. I use to smoke marijuana to keep myself from being depressed it felt so good I wish I could go back. I feel like people don’t even wanna walk up and talk to me ever or maybe I just don’t wanna talk to them or maybe I just look to dem busy and they don’t wanna disturb me. I don’t even want a big group of friends but I do like to have a few and good once if that because people these days just do too much dumbshit ya know