Not feeling like a person.....just a list of symptoms. #Bipolar #Mixed episode #side effects #Migraine #chronic pain syndrome
I have been in an extremely prolonged mixed episode. Along with severe headaches every day, anxiety, and severe chronic pain in every joint and muscle in my body. My psychiatrist also does my psychotherapy.
But, I hate it when my symptoms become so bad and the prominent thing in my life...so bad that pretty much all my interactions with my psychiatrist are checking in or dealing with my symptoms directly and we can't do the real therapy that I need so badly.
He has put me on a couple new meds and medicine that affects my thinking or brain chemistry don't usually go over too well with my body. I have on numerous occasions become very sick. Sick enough to be admitted to the hospital for medical care (as opposed to the psych unit).
So I understand why we have to be extremely careful and monitor every little thing because when things have gone wrong in the past sometimes they have gone wrong very fast.
But my psychiatrist is who knows me the best. And the person I trust the most. And when we have to interrupt psychotherapy to deal with all the symptoms we are trying to get relief from and side effects from meds......it sometimes makes me feel like I have been reduced to a list of symptoms to check on and make sure I am not having dangerous side effects. Same list of questions at every appointment and every interaction. Then we run out of time until next appointment.
And I know it might not be his intention or even his experience -that I have become just a list. But, that's not how I FEEL. FEEL is what I want to do. FEEL is what I need. But there is just so much other stuff going on. Important stuff. I understand that he has to check the questions....because if I die or can't get the symptoms and side effects under control then there is no way we can delve into the hard psychotherapy work we have started but desperately need to continue. My brain understands this. My feelings don't understand exactly because they need to come out. It leaves me feeling even more sad and empty.
Anyone else experience times like this with your psychiatrist, psychotherapist, therapist?? #Bipolar #Mixed episode #Migraine #central pain syndrome