moneyworries

I am exhausted. Mentally. Physically. I feel like I aged at least 5 years in 1 week. I have none of my antidepressant, none of my anti-anxiety, and on Tuesday the 14th my dad was diagnosed with advanced pancreatic cancer. He was in the hospital until Friday. Then we had his son and his kids here. That was okay. But I am so tired I am just not okay. Nothing to help me sleep nothing to help me relax and stay calm. My fear/anxiety manifests as either anger or straight up malfunction.
My husband is just as burned out. My mom is a wreck. My kids are always fighting. I am trying to work too. And put money aside to save for any medical treatment costs that my dads medical insurance won't cover.
I am so tired.
I just want to go to sleep. Wake up, and this will all have been one, long, intense nightmare. Can this just be a nightmare. Please? Make this a nightmare!
I am scared.
Migraines for a week and a half straight.
Can't this all be over?
#exhaustion #PancreaticCancer #Stress #Anxiety #Depression #nightmare ##Medication #money #moneyworries #Dysphoria #Migraine

I just don’t know how much more I can take. My boyfriend hasn’t been working since February, and can’t receive unemployment. We are living off my 17ish hours of play plus whatever unemployment I can receive. (My hours aren’t cut due to COVID)

I also feel like I’m doing everything. I clean mostly and take care of our 10 month old daughter. He says he has been applying and looking for jobs, but nothing is hiring. I’m afraid to talk to him cause he just got pissy at me cause I’m stressing out. And he tells me I need to stop stressing over things I can’t control. I’m just the type of person that stresses over every little thing. I don’t know what to do anymore. My friend told me to give him two weeks or I’m leaving. I just hate confrontation!!

Just feeling so alone in all this.

Im so stressed and low right now. I have pudendal neuralgia and colorectal issues and am receiving really good care from the hospital in London which is great but I live in Cornwall, the furthest place in the country from the hospital. Earlier this year I had to go there once a week for 8 weeks, now its every week for 4 weeks plus countless appts in between. It costs me £400 a time and I can only work part time, I get a small amount of benefit but this is breaking me financially.
The hope is by the end of this year I'll have a stim fitted to better manage the pain and from the trial of it I had it did reduce it by half... I feel guilty complaining when there are so many without proper treatment of this condition. I've so far got into £3500 of debt from hotel (cheapest I can find) and travel and am getting so stressed out from worrying about money its making my pain worse and Im barely sleeping. I set up a crowdfunder but took it down quickly as it felt wrong asking people for money. When I mentioned the idea to my parents and partner they all said it was a very bad idea yet offer little in the way of solutions. They say when the hospital trips slow down I can put the money im not spending into paying off the credit card, but I'm living hand to mouth as it is... just so frustrated by all of this