nomorepeoplepleasing

I have realized, people pleasing has been part of my agenda all of my life. When you live with mental disorders, it often comes naturally...as we try to make up for our perceived deficits. I have often fostered toxic relationships, even clung to them. I am not saying I'm not culpable, or that I have not brought toxicity into relationships. What I have finally come to terms with, is I am not for everyone. Everyone is not for me. I still choose to walk in love with others, even if maintaining a relationship is not possible. That's pretty huge, for someone like me. I have tried to force relationships, as I was always the "fixer" in my family. My role was "make everyone happy"and things will be great. Not so much. I was displaying more of a God Complex, in retrospect. Trauma children acquire an innate ability to people please. By default, if it means you won't get the blank kicked out of you that day, or, other types of abuse, it makes sense. Carrying that process of people pleasing into adulthood, can be dangerous, however. I now fully accept, if I am not understood, if I have to continually explain my very existence, if I am judged by those who do not even wish to get to know me...I will no longer trip over myself to make it work. This even goes for family members. I am often rejected and labeled by others. I have relatives who will not engage with me, as I am neurodiverse. I have relatives that do not acknowledge my existence. That's on them. We all have light and dark, good and bad. To judge me, due to stigma and an uneducated stance, is not on me. I have and continue to do everything possible to rectify the symptoms I live with. Rectify as in make myself socially acceptable in a neurotypical environment. If you KNOW me, I have much love, and am generous to a fault. I walk in forgiveness and confront issues. I expect trust, not deceit, from those I love. The constant stress of trying to live up to expectations of others, is no longer an option for me. I am very aware of my limitations. I must lay down my expectations, if others lay them down for me. Part of this is very freeing. The other part is radical acceptance. The in between, is pure Hell.
❤️Alice

#Iamnotforeveryone
#RadicalAcceptance
#nomorepeoplepleasing
#childhoodtraumasurvivor
#PTSD
#CPTSD
#BPD
#PersonalityDisorders
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#neurodiverse
#neurotypical
#empathizeeducateadvocate
#searchingforgrey
#weareallfalable
#Judgement
#MentalHealthAwareness
#stigmafighter
#warrior

I have realized, people pleasing has been part of my agenda all of my life. When you live with mental disorders, it often comes naturally...as we try to make up for our perceived deficits. I have often fostered toxic relationships, even clung to them. I am not saying I'm not culpable, or that I have not brought toxicity into relationships. What I have finally come to terms with, is I am not for everyone. Everyone is not for me. I still choose to walk in love with others, even if maintaining a relationship is not possible. That's pretty huge, for someone like me. I have tried to force relationships, as I was always the "fixer" in my family. My role was "make everyone happy"and things will be great. Not so much. I was displaying more of a God Complex, in retrospect. Trauma children acquire an innate ability to people please. By default, if it means you won't get the blank kicked out of you that day, or, other types of abuse, it makes sense. Carrying that process of people pleasing into adulthood, can be dangerous, however. I now fully accept, if I am not understood, if I have to continually explain my very existence, if I am judged by those who do not even wish to get to know me...I will no longer trip over myself to make it work. This even goes for family members. I am often rejected and labeled by others. I have relatives who will not engage with me, as I am neurodiverse. I have relatives that do not acknowledge my existence. That's on them. We all have light and dark, good and bad. To judge me, due to stigma and an uneducated stance, is not on me. I have and continue to do everything possible to rectify the symptoms I live with. Rectify as in make myself socially acceptable in a neurotypical environment. If you KNOW me, I have much love, and am generous to a fault. I walk in forgiveness and confront issues. I expect trust, not deceit, from those I love. The constant stress of trying to live up to expectations of others, is no longer an option for me. I am very aware of my limitations. I must lay down my expectations, if others lay them down for me. Part of this is very freeing. The other part is radical acceptance. The in between, is pure Hell.
❤️Alice

#Iamnotforeveryone
#RadicalAcceptance
#nomorepeoplepleasing
#PeoplePleaser
#cantbuylove
#neurodiverse
#neurotypical
#empathizeeducateadvocate
#searchingforgrey
#childhoodtraumasurvivor
#PTSD
#CPTSD
#BPD
#PersonalityDisorders
#Judgement
#MentalHealthAwareness
#stigmafighter
#warrior