people pleaser

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    You can't lay down yourself for others unless you have a self to lay down

    I'm reading an amazing book at the moment called "The Best of You" by Alison Cook. She makes this point that seems to obvious - but I think we're so bad at in our Christian communities!

    I know that for many years I was a huge people pleaser. And I heard plenty of messages giving theological justification for being a people pleaser - how we should put other people's needs above our own, seek to be servant-hearted etc. The problem was that somewhere along the way, I lost touch with what my own needs were. I lost my sense of self.

    I love the way Alison Cook explains that Jesus could only make the world-changing sacrifice that He did because He had a very strong sense of self, He knew His purpose and never sought to please other people. #PeoplePleaser #christianmentalhealth #churchmentalhealth #Sacrifice #Grace #compassionatechristianity

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    Guilt #Guilt #PeoplePleaser

    I have to remind myself that I have to do for me and my husband and what's best for our family ...meaning taking a better paying job I shouldn't feel bad over that...so why do i?

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    My mind is escaping to the rainbow berries… and I’ll be okay.

    “But… what happened to you?”

    I set myself on fire to keep others warm.

    Others see the crowd around the light and wait until it dissipates a little to come toss on fresh kindling.

    I spent so long waiting for someone to bring water… shoo everyone else away… start a fire and let me catch the warmth…

    that I burned out.

    Burned out on self care, burned out on community care, burned out on family care, burned out on even doing my fkn hair

    So every single thing towards life feels like a battle because I don’t want life as it is right now.

    I’m vibrating low right now because it takes a lot of effort for me to vibrate high. And I’m tired. But I’m okay. I know I will be. I just have a lot of held back tears to cry and my
    Holding back mechanism
    Is tired too.

    But I will get up and walk and find beautiful things to give me just enough to get through the day. So when a tear escapes at a moment that you feel isn’t worth the tears, know that I am okay - my mind is escaping to the rainbow berries - and I’ll get back with you shortly.

    #PTSD #Depression #Anxiety #PeoplePleaser #Dissociation

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    Addiction and Trauma

    I want to share with you what I listened in a youtube video. Some wise words by Dr. Gabor Maté, psychologist, physician and author. I reccomend you go watch some videos.

    TRAUMA, creates coping mechanisms.
    When children are traumatized, one of the ways that they cope with it is to soothe themselves and then that's where the addictions come in, but another way to cope with it, is if you got the message that you're not good enough then you might spend the rest of your life trying to prove that you are. And how do you do that?
    -By being very nice to everybody by never saying how you feel cause they might not like how you feel. By never expressing healthy anger when somebody's crossing your boundaries.”
    #Trauma
    #Childhood #PeoplePleaser #Anxiety #Depression #EatingDisorders

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    Things I’m unlearning #MentalHealth #Selfacceptance #AskForHelp #PeoplePleaser

    Anyone else struggling with unlearning? I find myself getting frustrated with my old ways of “pleasing people” being a “people pleaser” and doing what I want to do because it’s what’s best for me…

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    Speachless

    I stood by today when a stranger reprimanded my teenager for horsing around outside today. I feel like I failed him. I should if turned into mama bear. But I'm such a people pleaser, I couldn't bring the words out. #PeoplePleaser

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    Saying no #Depression #PeoplePleaser

    Therapy is exhausting but every now and then you notice a small change that just amazes you. I have an inherent need to be 'good enough' to be acknowledged as an actual human being. Part of that means giving up every bit of yourself to make others feel okay about you, not like you, just okay.

    I have been working myself to the bone to enable our team at work to meet deadlines, I'll work 30+ hours of overtime a week. I am also in the process of preparing for a massive qualifying exam and I have barely done anything related to it because I keep picking up every task that is not directly assigned to someone else.

    This week I said no to overtime, I actually managed to value myself and my future enough to tell my manager I can't take on more work over the weekend.

    If someone told me this a year ago I would have been too anxious to focus on anything but how my manager's view of me changed. How I am a terrible employee and supervisor and how I need to suck it up and get things done.

    Just taking a second to appreciate the growth! I'll panic about how much I have to do tomorrow morning ;D

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    anxiety and guilt from letting others down

    I don’t know who else is like this but I get physically sick when I’ve let someone down. It can be as small as not helping wiht dinner when I should have and the other person gets upset about it. It feels like a gut punch, like I’ve failed them. How can I even begin to work though this? #PeoplePleaser #Anxiety