OnEdge

Everything has me on edge. The fan in the bathroom, noise of the fridge, people in different rooms, all feel like they are screaming at me, 2inches from my face.

And I'm irritable, spacing at the kids, avoiding eye contact, shut down emotiona.

And I'm flaring, endometriosis pain, headache, skin on fire.

And what triggered this?
A massage and acupressure facial, booked to attempt self care, has sent my senses and responses wild. I feel vulnerability and upset, broken open somehow.

I'm on a therapy journey, an hour a week feels so slow and I have to zip it all up in-between sessions

#Trauma #Hypervigilance #OnEdge #triggered

I feel scared and alone. My throat literally feels tight. I shouldn't feel this way because things are going good for me, but i do. Im still waiting on my covid results which should be here this week, and im scred that i might not wake up. What do i do if i have it? Im probably super dehydrated and feel trapped in my own body and brain. Its like i feel everything going on around me. I moved into my new apartment and its my first time living alone alone. Theres so much stuff everywhere and i dont have the energy to put things away. I want to crawl into a corner and just ignore the world. I was doing fine with the pandemic until a few weeks ago and now its like walls are closing in. I want to feel normal and right again. #Anxiety #pandemic #covidtest #alone #OnEdge #Trapped

It's 3 am, I'm at work and my mind won't stop so here is this lil thing I just wrote. I'm rusty, it's been a minute.

They say she's borderline like you can define her.
Stick disorder on her name, label her brain.
She takes on the world, filters the pain. Slowly slipping the grip, it's driving her insane.

She's the beast and the burden, built from all things uncertain.
She wants to give up, it's tough.
She is a character, a role in a play... Day in, day out she's the lead on stage.
Her edges rough, tinfoil, shiney. Heart's soft like mink, eyes that are blinding.

There's an angel under the devil's robe, but the world's painted her so cold. Her wings plucked thin she dances with the darkness because he lets her win.

She's on the verge of breaking down but you won't hear a sound. She'll carry on 1000 mph in the wrong direction, no discretion.
One day she will stop and fall. You'll find her on her knees, begging please... Have Mercy.

TLM-04/05/20

#Borderline #workthoughts #inadarkplace #OnEdge

why don’t I get a kind #OnEdge I’m ready to do bad things but why tell here #Selfharmrelapse

I’m ready to just go to sleep and never wake up #Depression #Anxiety #OnEdge