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    Am Hopeful 2day slight pain all over, depression with psychosis 🤔😔😒🤦 1 day at a time. #HOPEFULLY #hopeful

    5 reactions 3 comments


    hellooo friends, my name is Petal :] i've been diagnosed with adhd, anxiety, autism, and dysautonomia, and i also am certain i have psychosis. i'm excited to interact with all y'all and learn stuff about myself as well <3 #Autism #Anxiety #Psychosis #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Dysautonomia #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome

    12 reactions 4 comments

    Just want some understanding

    Over the years, since 2008, I have struggled with mental illnesses. Most of that time untreated. My diagnosis' to date, sorry for long list, are
    -BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)
    -MDD (Major Depressive Disorder)
    -Bipolar 1, manic depressive
    - ADD/ADHD(combined)
    - Generalized severe anxiety
    - General Psychosis

    With all this I also had a genome test done that showed my body does not produce Serotonin or Dopamine. As well I have an over active metabolism and diagnosed with a Metabolic disease.
    All this contributes to my mental health, but most don't realize I have physical problems that contribute as well.
    - Degenerative Disc Disease
    - Recurring Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
    - Daily Migraines
    - RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome)
    - Lumbar Radiculopathy
    - Bilateral Pars fracture
    - Asthma

    I go through so much and yet feel like I can't talk to anyone. None of my doctors can tell me why I have these issues and 2 of them are infact rare(Metabolic disease, Recurring Carpal Tunnel).
    After attempting suicide for the 17th time last year I was hospitalized and I have not been the same. The doctors believe I damaged brain matter when I overdosed on Adderall(Bad Idea).
    I am tired now of all the swinging my emotions do, the thoughts I can't control, not being able to describe what goes on to anyone and feeling bad about wanting to die. I wish I could just talk to someone about all this without their judgment or belittling it/me.
    #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #BipolarDisorder #MentalHealth #MensMentalHealth

    25 reactions 8 comments

    Can you induce a schizophrenic/psychotic episode through sheer will?
    Isn't that what this person on the above video is doing or am I missing something? #Schizophrenia #MentalHealth #Psychosis #episode

    1 reaction 1 comment

    Trying to Keep it Together #struggling #Trauma

    Ever have a day, week or month where you feel like the world is against you? That’s where I’m at now. I’m severely depressed and just want to block out the world. My symptoms seem to be getting worse. Psychosis is looming on the horizon. That’s what has me anxious. I just want to be healed from the trauma I survived. I’m tired of drowning in shame. My emotions are all over the place lately. I just want to be happy and healthy and while I know there is no magical pill to make my past and pain go away, I wish there was. I have a support system and mental health support but when I’m alone with my thoughts that’s when things get bad. I have a list of therapy skills I could use but those go out the window when I’m upset. I just wish I could have it together. I took a few days off from work to relax but I’m still depressed. I know I have to keep it together for everyone else but I often wonder about how people would react if they knew everything. Disclosure of abuse is a gamble, at least in my experience. I’ve gotten bad reactions and good ones. Sometimes I think it’s better to keep it to myself. I don’t like dumping on people it just makes me feel bad. Besides there’s not much they can do anyway. It’s in the past and yet I feel like the past is following me around. Until this triggering event is over, I have to deal with all this. I’m just tired and have hit a wall I guess. I know it will pass but I’m really struggling right now.

    #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #SexualAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #SexualAssault #MentalHealth #Therapy #needhelp #CheckInWithMe

    11 reactions 4 comments
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    Missing People

    During the pandemic my beloved psychiatrist retired. He couldn’t keep up with the demands of the computer. I miss him terribly. I saw him every three months for years and I totally looked forward to seeing him because he always listened to me. He was so sweet and affirming to my recovery journey. He knew me well like from when I experienced my psychosis years ago. I was dying and he saved my life.

    I also miss my wonderful social worker who I saw for many years. The office he worked at had wonderful receptionists who were passionate about their work. They truly cared about the patients.

    My social worker was like a dad figure to me and I was very vulnerable about my pain. He knows more about me than anyone. Not even my family knows all he knows.

    I also have had other people leave who were on my treatment team. I think that I have trauma because of it.

    At night I feel anxious and alone but I listen to soft music and I pray. It makes me feel better and makes me feel not so alone.

    I appreciate the years with these people and I think often of things that they said. It comforts me and gives me peace.

    4 reactions 2 comments

    I’m going back into therapy

    Yesterday I made the decision to go back to therapy, just waiting for a call so probably won’t be until next week. So some new things have happened and I don’t know what to think about what happened. So! I threatened to call the police to our house if my things weren’t returned because I found two more shirts missing and I’m just to stressed to not say something about it. So of course I get the screaming and being called crazy and psychotic blah blah blah right and this whole time my stuff has been missing he would not help me look for them since he told me that they’re here and I had already looked but did not pull out the whole closet because my shirts would be on their hangers where they go! Right? Well yesterday evening after we had picked up our son from school and did a couple other things we were gone for about 2 hours ok, so we are in the middle of an argument about the whole ordeal and he goes into our closet and pulls everything out and low and behold first he finds my shirts then finds my shoes that has been missing for almost a year that I never wore and I’ll admit I’m still pretty suspicious at this point because I did intact threaten them with the cops. I go into my area where I keep my makeup and other things and everything is there except for 3 things and the three things wouldn’t be returned if they were used because I hadn’t used them yet and they had a white pull tab on the container you have to take off to use it, they were still missing. Now all of this has made me feel torn. Am I going through psychosis or did his mother pull a fast one while we were gone? Are there any professionals on here that may have an opinion? I even offered to commit myself because if I am going through something like that I mean I should get help right? Well he didn’t care anything about that and didn’t care about the fact that I am willing to go back to therapy. I found this odd. Somebody, anybody opinions please and thank you. #PTSD #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder

    2 reactions 1 comment

    Out of Meds

    So when i went to pick up my refill for my medication, the pharmacy informs me that my insurance doesn't cover 2 of my medications anymore. One was a newer ned (lamictal) specifically administered for my somewhat recent bipolar diagnosis.

    I'm extremely nervous on day 3 without it and can only feel my previous mania spiking (whether that's actually the meds or just my anxiety spiking it i don't know). I'm just entirely frustrated with healthcare and frustrated with myself for having an issue in the first place.

    Would love any tips on how to calm down or reduce a great manic episode. I'm so worried about going into psychosis or something.


    13 reactions 11 comments
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    Dealing with Trauma

    In the past two weeks two of my neighbors have died and one is moving within the month.

    They are not with me anymore but they are in my heart and soul. Ron used to always help me and talk to me. He had two beagles and they were so sweet and cute. They barked at squirrels.

    The two deaths have made me think about my own life and how anything can happen. I also worry about anything happening to my mom. She is my friend and my caregiver. She does my laundry and makes me supper. She drives me crazy sometimes but she is so caring. She took me to a wonderful hospital when I experienced my psychosis in 2007. She knows how important my antipsychotic medication is. She celebrates my recovery.

    I will miss these two older men who died. One was like a dad to me. I had a lot of friends in common because we were both involved in the theater.

    I am traumatized and grieving. Somehow I will come out of this feeling better and feeling hope. There is always hope.

    2 reactions