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PPA
I’ve never spoken about this before. But when I was postpartum with my baby, I was so sleep deprived and low support, that I started to have auditory hallucinations and strange delusions. There was one time that I didn’t know what time of year it was, what day. It was like I couldn’t process the concept. I would hear things and just ignore it and see shadows out of the corners of my eyes. I always thought there was something darting around the room it was actually annoying because I could never catch a look at it. Strange impending feelings of doom, being scared to fall asleep for whatever reason. There was this one time that my husband at the time I thought was against me and tricking me to go to sleep like I can barely remember but for some reason I thought they were out to get me and like they thought I was crazy and wanted me to go to sleep so they could get away with something with the baby (my mom and him). It felt like I couldn’t breathe all the time I wa so anxious and couldn’t sleep if I heard my baby cry or would think I heard her crying all the time and would come down to see if she was and she would have been sound asleep. Or have nightmares of her crying. I don’t know if this is just sleep deprivation or psychosis but there it is.
I kept having this weird fear of falling asleep it kept me from falling asleep it was so so miserable I can’t even understand the reasoning now
#PostpartumAnxiety #PostpartumDepression #PostpartumDisorders #PTSD
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