Mental Suffering #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety
I haven’t posted in a while.
In the time since my last post, nothing has changed...and everything changed.
My Father says that I’m in my 30’s and therefore I need “tough love,” ergo I should be able to solve my own problems.
As if I didn’t know!
As if I don’t already feel like a failure!
Everyday I am drowning in my own anxiety. Every second I can hear my heart palpitating, and feel the intense sickness radiating from my stomach.
Every night, if I can sleep #Insomnia, I am cursed by strange and confusing dreams, and when I wake up, I still feel tired.
I can see his anxiety growing everyday. He is quieter, doesn’t smile as much, and isn’t eating properly.
I, as his carer, therefore see my failure everytime I see his sad eyes: Sad eyes that only exist because of me.
And now, my previous employers have painted the worst possible picture of me as a defence against my claims (not unexpected) and that cackling tortuous negative voice residing in the middle of my brain drools in delight at every accusation.
There is no back up plan.
There is no way out.
There is no help.