I got blocked by my ex yesterday on all platforms... M really having a low self-esteem right now... M thrown out like an piece pf shit from his life ... I really loved him ... N i think its impossible for me to get over him ... This heaviness and excruciating pain in my chest is making me cripple...cant even get out of bed ... Medications are also not helping me as much #someonehelpme #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #lowselfesteem #breakup
I can’t do this anymore. why am I like this? what did I do so wrong? I tried therapy and I tried meds and I have done outpatient programs in the past but I am still fucked up. I think I might have some kind of personality disorder and that terrifies me. and I have no one to go too. I haven’t seen a therapist since October of last year. I cut and have thoughts of suicide constantly. I don’t have a plan per say at the moment but I hate how my brain is trying to kill me. I just want to be normal and be who everyone seems to want me to be. I just want this to stop. I want someone I. my life who understands and gets it and doesn’t say I need to be hospitalized every time I say how I am feeling. I am so lost and alone and don’t know what to do anymore
So I was at the fair today, and I saw my real mom and her dad. I’m not supposed to see them and I don’t want to see them. But it just so happened that they where there. I was waiting for my food at one of the food carts so my foster mom was looking at something else. That’s when my moms dad came up to me and said hey and asked me if child services was telling me to be afraid of talking to him. I just said no I’m waiting for my food I’m not supposed to take to you because of court. So he said see that’s propaganda and you can take if you want to they are lying to you. I was very uncomfortable at this point and didn’t want to talk to him because it was like he was following us around the whole time. I wanted to leave so I just walked to the other side of the cart to “get” something else to see if he would leave me alone. He didn’t say anything after that but he continued to follow me around and my stupid self thought that it would be a good idea to make it look like I was having so much fun and look like I was actually smiling. I had never done that when I lived with my mom and I only started to smile after I was put into foster care. But because I was trying to make it look like I was having fun and stuff I started to play with my “cousin” and he did that thing when you try to take a picture of someone without them knowing. But I knew because I was watching him trying to see what he was doing. I know that he was trying to take a picture or a video of me having fun because of one of my friends that is boy crazy always try’s to take pictures of guys. He was doing the same exact thing that she does. So I turned around and said to my foster mom that I didn’t appreciate it when someone is taking a picture of me . The amount that that messed with my head. He couldn’t be serious because he can’t just do that. I don’t know if my mom is going to say anything or not but I really hope she does. I should be able to go to the fair and not feel Paranoid that my mom is going to twist something I say into something that would help her in court because it wouldn’t be the first time. I’ve had to deal with the thought of her him I’m head for my whole life. If you really wanted your kids than you should have been a better person. I just feel really depressed and she’s the reason I have social anxiety and why so many things are wrong with me. Though she’s not the only person that makes me have problems she is a main one. #Depression #SocialAnxiety #LeaveMeAlone
I was bit by a tick, I had the bulls eye rash/mark and my symptoms have slowly gotten worse since it happened. They didn't start until a few weeks after and now I can barely walk.
But Lyme disease doesn't "exist" where I live, my doctor believes in it but claims I m healthy when I am not. I am 23 living in a 80 year old body.
#someonehelpme #believeme #LymeDisease
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