SpravatoSavedMe

The Switch Flipped
by Jenn Dacey

Intro:
This is the exact moment I stopped shrinking myself to fit into places I had outgrown.

Don’t push a good person to the point where they no longer give a fuck.
Because once the switch flips, it’s over.
The softness doesn’t disappear—
it just stops being available to people who took it for granted.
The love doesn’t die—
it just stops being handed out like a goddamn reward for bad behavior.

I was the good person.
The one who stayed too long.
Loved too hard.
Apologized too quickly.
Forgave too easily.

I gave benefit of the doubt like it was oxygen.
I extended grace even when I was gasping.
I showed up for people who forgot me the moment their storms passed.
And every time, I told myself, “That’s just who I am.”

But now?

The switch flipped.

I don’t chase.
I don’t beg.
I don’t overexplain.
If you fumble me, you lose me.
No second act. No soft return. No “maybe they’ll change.”

I’ve changed.

That’s what no one expected.
That I would rise—not bitter, but brutal.
Not angry, but awake.
Not heartless, but healed.

You can’t guilt me into going back.
You can’t charm me into forgetting.
I’m not waiting for closure anymore—I am the closure.

The girl who used to cry for love is gone.
She’s resting now.
She did her job.
She kept me alive.

But I’m driving now.
And I don’t take passengers who can’t handle the weight of my worth.

If you wanted me,
you should’ve shown up for me.
When I cried,
when I begged,
when I whispered “I need you” with every ounce of strength I had left—
that was your moment.

But you let it pass.
You watched me unravel,
and stayed silent.
You mistook my patience for weakness,
my forgiveness for permission.

You thought I’d always be there.
But now?

The door’s locked.
The key?
It was made of things you don’t carry:
accountability.
honesty.
effort.
respect.

I don’t owe anyone my undoing ever again.

You don’t get to miss me now that I’m unavailable.
You don’t get to regret what you lost
when you never fought to keep it.

I’m not ice cold.
I’m just done melting for people
who only liked me when I was easy to pour into a glass.

I loved you.
I wanted it to work.
I dreamed of being enough.

But now I realize—
you weren’t even enough for you.

And I’m not staying small to make you feel big.

I have finally, finally arrived
in the space where my peace matters more than your presence.

So if you’re wondering what happened,
if you’re scrolling through our old messages looking for cracks—
here’s your answer:

The switch flipped.

And I’ll never be that soft again
for someone who made me feel like I was hard to love.

#theswitchflipped #traumahealing
#MentalHealthAwareness #Selfworth #BipolarDepression #Suicide #Grief #FromDarknessToLight
#keepgoing
#WhenNothingElseWorked
#SpravatoHope
#strongerthanmystorm
#writingtoheal
#SpravatoSavedMe

🧺 The Basket of Markers: A Post-Spravato Revelation

Tonight, I got high.
Not just “I’m giggly and everything feels soft” high — I mean clarity high. The kind that creeps up when you’re just living your weird little life, surrounded by your weird little things, and suddenly boom — therapy-level insight smacks you in the face with a Sharpie.

You see, I’m kind of a hoarder. Not the kind they make TV shows about (yet), but close.
Especially when it comes to stuff that makes me happy. Craft supplies. Journaling pens. Markers. Planners. If it comes in all the colors, I want all the colors. And not just want — I obsess. I organize. I keep things forever because I swear to myself, I’m gonna get back into that someday.

I don’t just have one planner.
I have five.
Each has a purpose, a location, and they’re all synced up like the Pentagon of personal organization. That’s how I work. That’s how my brain has always tried to create control out of chaos.

And then there’s my marker collection. We’re talking gel tips, fine points, Sharpies, off-brand craft store specials, and yes — I recently bought a 262-color mega pack because apparently, I like to own coloring even though I do it maybe three times a year.

But here’s the thing.

Tonight, I bought a new basket.
A Longaberger — because yeah, I collect those too.

And instead of separating every marker by brand, as I’ve always done, I put them all together.

Still color-coded (duh — I’m not a monster).
But for the first time, not by brand.

All mixed up.
All in one basket.

And in that quiet little moment, I realized:

This basket is me now.

Before, everything in my life was separated:
🖤 Before trauma / after trauma
🖤 Before the pain / after the breakdown
🖤 Before Owen died / after the world collapsed

I kept it all compartmentalized — like trauma Tupperware. Neatly labeled. Sealed shut. Keep the mess contained.

But since starting Spravato, something shifted.
My thoughts are no longer all-or-nothing.
My identity isn’t black-and-white.
And my healing doesn’t need labels.

Just like those markers, I can exist in the same basket.

The grief.
The growth.
The obsession.
The creativity.
The sadness.
The sparkle.

It all goes together now.

So maybe I’m still a little OCD, and maybe I’ll still color-code by rainbow arc because I like pretty things. But I’m not organizing by trauma anymore.

I’m organizing by joy.
By who I am now.
By what makes sense in this moment.

And that’s not crazy.
That’s recovery.

So yeah, maybe it’s just a stoned night with a bunch of markers and a woven basket…
Or maybe it’s Sigmund Freud meets radical self-love, with a gel pen in hand and a giggle in my throat.

Either way, I’m keeping the damn basket.
And I’m keeping all of me in it.

⸻

By Jenn
🌈 Color-coder of chaos. Hoarder of hope. Marker-wielding warrior.
#postspravatolife #healingoutloud #ocdbutmakeitart

#postspravatolife
#Stillhere
#healingjourney
#EndTheStigma #youarenotalone #FromDarknessToLight
#WhenNothingElseWorked
#GriefIsLoveWithNowhereTo #GriefIsLoveWithNowhereToGo #mentalhealthmatters #SpravatoSavedMe #writingtoheal #strongerthanmystorm #SpravatoHope #healingjourney #EndTheStigma #keepgoing