My heart is racing and there is a tightening in my chest. I can't breathe. I feel out of control and beyond scared. I am panicked. I feel lightheaded and dizzy. I have a headache. What's happening? I'm not manic. I never feel this way when I'm manic. I'm triggered. I try to picture myself in a safe place where my abusers aren't present but just the thought of them and what they did take over my mind and send me into a panic. I want to move past this. I want to enjoy things. So I have to shift my focus.

I don't think I'll ever move past all my triggers because some are unavoidable. I have to accept that and take it in stride. Therapy and medications can only manage the condition but I believe it is also a mindset. Whenever I start to feel overwhelmed I redirect my attention and thought challenge my negative thoughts. Sadly I tend to think the worst most of the time but if I just shift my focus to more positive things then I can work with my triggers. I can go to places that I want to go to.

If I choose to work with my triggers rather then against them then I can accomplish my goals. Shifting focus can also help me to see positives in life too. When my Bipolar Depression kicks in it makes it harder to see the positives. Even then I can find something to be grateful for.

Showing myself grace when I do get depressed and triggered is one of the ways I can help myself learn, heal and grow. I urge all of you to shift your focus and show yourself some grace. It's been 4 years of healing from years of abuse but the more I shift my focus the more I can accelerate my healing. I am no where near completely healed but I can say that I am getting there each day. I pray that all of you can do the same. Love and light to you all.

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