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Estoy cansada #TiredOfTheseILLNESSES

Hoy consulté con un nuevo psiquiatra, y la experiencia fue interesante pero a la vez devastadora. Al parecer tengo un transtorno de personalidad y ni sé qué significa eso, además de neurosis. Me puse a llorar al relatar mi historia de 7 años de sufrimiento físico y mental... reviví de nuevo todo lo mal que pase y me pregunto si tengo solución, me pregunto si algún día puedo salir de esta. La verdad es que mi comportamiento no ayuda, reincido en las mismas fallas y ¿cómo puedo esperar así resultados distintos?... pido perdón a Dios por los mismos pecados que cometo una y otra vez, prometiéndome que no lo volveré a hacer, y por cierto tiempo lo logro, hasta que me descuido, dejo de poner límites y “creo que podré decir NO” a lo que daña mi relación con Dios y me daña a mi, pero pasan meses y años, pero sigo en las mismas. Hoy me confronto la sesión con el Doctor, y después de eso hice algo que me causó daño, ahora siento que no tengo solución y que hasta mi fe se cae por el suelo... me duele hasta el alma y no puedo dormir. No sé si alguien me entienda, pero me canse de esta lucha

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bullied because of mental illness #Broken #feelingdiscouraged

So every time I'm in a manic state and I'm up all night and really hyper I get accused of being back on drugs even though I've been clean for 4years. If I sleep all day and barely get out of bed I get called lazy and a bad mom. If I cry or get upset I'm told to stop being a crybaby, if I have a panic attack or my anxiety is through the roof I'm told to get over it and suck it up. I come from a family that's never dealt with mental illnesses, I'm the only one of my moms kids that has anything wrong so of course I automatically feel like the black sheep of the family. All 3 of my kids have a mental health disorder my 2 oldest are bipolar (my oldest son also has psychotic tendencies) and my youngest son is autistic and has adhd.
#TiredOfTheseILLNESSES #familydisappointment #Familytroubles #amitheonlyone


Insomnia #Ensomnia #Anxiety #sleepless

I habe been awake for the past 5 hours. My insomnia was created by my anxiety and bipolar. I have an inspector showing up at my house in 3 hours. My house is spotless because I am worried about what he might of me. And since #Anxiety is in OVERDRIVE I'm worrying about stuff I don't normally think of except when a stranger is involved. I'm worried about my appearance to the point I was in the shower with boiling water scrubbing my skin raw afraid a patch of dry flaky skin will make him think negative of me, washed my hair 6x while in the shower, washed my face 4x while in there, I even shaved my legs 3x, even though he won't see my legs. I have styled my hair 10x to find a style, because I was afraid he would make fun of it. I am now on my 8th attempt on my makeup. My boyfriend knows how I get, he knows when I need space and when I need a hug. He knows when to intervene so that nothing gets broken. I'm new so I though I'd just layout my morning. #TiredOfTheseILLNESSES