transgender

So, I'm a #Transgender person in a sense of being #genderfluid . But, my family is kind of weird about it sometimes. Does anybody know where I could find affordable (or even possibly free) chest binders for plus size #Ftm transgender people??

My back is really hurting this morning. I took 2 percocet 10 minutes ago. The only chore I have to do is cleaning my kitchen counter. It's pretty bad. But it shouldn't take me long to clean it.

I ordered some new clothes and a few pieces of jewelry. The jewelry was 5 bucks total. Super cheap and really cute. I told my mom and she said "boys don't wear jewelry" which made me laugh. I know she wouldn't understand what genderqueer means so I just tell her I'm a boy. I wish she'd just accept that I am a boy. She acknowledged it but she still deadnames me and uses female pronouns. I've been out of the closet for 14 years and she still doesn't get it.

#LGBT #MentalHealth #Transgender

When I saw this image, it really resonated with me. Part of my denial as an egg, and what consistently plagued me to this day, is that I have been conditioned by the patriarchy to believe in the Beauty Myth. As a transfemme, I thought I wasn't good enough because I would be an ugly woman. I must overcome this inner criticism and grow my confidence, by assuring myself I don't owe anyone passing. I'm good enough as I am. In fact, I should love myself as I am. #Transgender #Dysphoria

I don't get to be a son, brother, or uncle. I didn't get to experience boy scouts or little league tee ball. I didn't get to make a boxcar for racing. I didn't get to wear pants during grade school. And it might seem silly to want those things but I was forced to be super girly. I got dolls that I never played with. I got a toy kitchen because I was expected to be a stay at home mom when I grew up. I got ugly girl clothes. I never learned from my mom how to do my hair or put on makeup but I used magazines to learn how to do the costume of girl. I tried so hard to fit into the role but I never felt good in my skin. I felt like an alien.

I knew I was supposed to be a boy when I was 5 and my mom tried to beat it out of me. I didn't have a word for how I felt until I turned 16. I read a book titled "Luna". It changed my life. Suddenly I knew that there were others that felt like me. Suddenly I found myself. And I made plans. I was gonna transition as soon as I moved out of my parents house. I was gonna do testosterone, get surgery, change my name, the whole thing.

But that's not how my life went.

I got pregnant and was a stay home mom. My fiance was cheating on me with my best friend. So we split. And a year later I came out of the closet. Suddenly everyone hated me. I bucked the status quo. I made decisions that cost me everything I had.

I chose to live authentic. I knew I was sick and I wasn't willing to live a lie anymore. I deserved to feel good in my own skin. So I made sacrifices. I lost everything. I was homeless for much of 12 years. I floated from shelter to shelter. But I never gave up being who I truly am.

I told myself integrity was worth my sorrow.

It's hard being trans. There's a lot of hate in the world. My family doesn't understand it and call me by my legal name even though I've been out for 14 years. They probably won't ever get it. I made my peace with it. They are hundreds of miles away anyway.

My chosen family accepts me as I am, warts and all. Momma calls me her son. My siblings call me their brother. I don't have to worry about them deadnaming me. I'm safe with them. And I'm loved. That's made a huge difference in my life.

And it's all I could have hoped for.

#Relationships #Transgender #CheckInWithMe

#Migraine #ChronicHeadaches #postconcussivesyndrome #SleepApnea

my neurologist was very kind and prescribed me some vitamins and rescue medications. She also wants me to have a sleep study to rule out sleep apnea as a cause of worsening migraine and tension headaches.

I'm having less headaches and migraines this week which almost makes me feel like an imposter. Does anyone ever feel that way?

#BipolarDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #ADHD #Transgender