Getting over you
It's been months since me and the girl I loved broke up, it became long distance when I had to leave America but I really thought it could work but I was wrong. Today she messaged saying she missed me after seeing something I shared and it just made me feel so confused about everything, I want to be able to move on but in her I saw everything I ever wanted, I saw a friend, a number one supporter, an adventure buddy. With her I saw a future and I lost it. We are now in completely different hemispheres and talk about as much as you do with old acquaintances, I want our spark back but I don't know how. Last month at my birthday I was stupid and slept with a friend I was into hoping something might come from it but no just got told she wanted to be friends and now she's stuck in my head "what did I do wrong, she said all those nice things about me, why talk about being into me if you wanted to stay friends". She now has a boyfriend and this shouldn't hurt me because we were never a thing but why can't I get over her when I'm still in love with my ex. I've been talking to this girl for ages and recently invited her round a few times in the past week just so i don't sleep alone and i feel so trashy just having her as a distraction and fun but I just don't see the point in trying, i either fuck it up or doomed from the start so might as well have someone there that makes it feel like I'm wanted even though I'm not interested in them at all and just want the attention. I feel awful doing it to her but she knows i don't want anything serious. I just ruin everything by always rushing it and now i can hardly sleep on my own or have the energy to do anything. I don't understand myself.