Have you ever stopped to think about who you were before the laundry list of diagnoses? I have and still yet I see nothing. I don't see myself struggling to breathe, walk, talk, or even get out of the bed. My therapist, the second good one since 6 years ago, doesn't understand how I can't remember memories before the age of 14. He says it's interesting...I say who does that? Which Me remembers and when will she clue me in and not just with these flashes? Have you ever wondered if you could stay in your safe place and not have to live in the world? I have because living in this world, as an adult is scary and stressful. Question...? Who are you today? Idk yet...am I supposed to define myself through the tasks I'm supposed to do (even when I'm having a flareup and have been swollen for over a month, it hurts to even move...burns at my ankles when they have to bend to go down the stairs and meds seem to not work for me anymore)? The jobs I used to have (since medical/mental won't let me keep a career...I was a Case Manager..I used to help people [they magically progressed] even though I couldn't help myself...but now I have to focus on me..whatever that means because it sucks to have to look/work inward while expressing out)? Do I classify myself as "Mom" because my son depends on me (though he's been the one taking the dog out and bringing me cereal to my room and also helping me up after I choose to sit down somewhere..smh...it's embarrassing to say the least but I'm grateful to be raising this young man right) to instill value and morals and to follow God and treat people well even if other people don't do it...Yep I'm Mom but what else? Am I the woman who it seems like every few months gets another diagnosis? S/O to my Me's for looking after me all these years because without them, I'd surely be dead. I'm making sure yall just don't replay the bad stuff by finding ways to express yourselves. Who are we after self-discovery and peace from our Father [God]? We are kind. We are nurturing. We are caring. We are good even when people don't think so. We also can flip that switch, when triggered, even when/how someone phrases their words...written or on paper. We don't need validation anymore from anyone else but selves. Sometimes it's like a board meeting in my head lbvs however whatever works out even if I was asleep. We are....We can own us and the crap we may recklessly get into...nope we've survivors not victims even though we've been hurt [sometimes we say damaged]. We are strong even when weak. We are not the doormat nor any garbage that've found it's way to the ground. We are capable. We are alive. We are diamonds...even through the ashes...we shine.  #Depression   #MajorDepressiveDisorder   #PTSD   #DissociativeIdentityDisorder   #GeneralAnxietyDisorder   #SocialAnxiety   #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder   #Fibromyalgiabattle #sunallergy #weshine   #ChronicIllness   #Thoughts   #Therapy   #question   #GodInTheMidstOfSuffering   #Godislove #god #notlazy