I have had so much trouble with figuring out a work schedule that fits with my illness, particularly my mid day fatigue flare. Hoping to hear tips on how to manage chronic conditions during the work day.
PS I am a Postdoc.
#FibroFog #Fibromyalgia #ChronicIllness #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis
Mental health.
I mean, most people know or realise that people within the community suffer from mental illness. But, for the most part, any feelings are shunned away and hidden. You can't express how you feel without feeling this sense of shame or that you "aren't cut out for academia". There is probably alot of people who feel like this..but they are too scared to admit it. And that is very sad..
Mental health of PhD students are particularly awful. Expected to work very long hours in isolation in the name of science can be grueling and tired-some. This is the perfect fuel for mental illness to develop, let alone if you already have an existing condition.
I want the world to be more open to talk about mental illness, but especially in the places of work and academy. We pretend everything is all ok and refuse to be seen as vulnerable or weak. That just is absurd..we are all human after all.
I hope that all this will change in the future. Ignoring doesn't make mental illnesses go away. They instead shout louder. We could lose brilliant minds in the world, all because of "showing face". In this day, we live in absurd times where image is everything, yet this is less than half of what it means to be human...
Sorry for the long ramble, but this had to be said! And I like to think I am not alone with these thoughts...! While half of these thoughts could be related to never-ending imposter syndrome, I do have deep concerns about how academia handles mental illness.
And it is about time we talk about it.
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Hi I'm Natasha and incase you may not realise from the above ^^^ :
I am a PhD researcher who has lived with depression & anxiety for ~15 years, as well as a diagnosed dyslexic and dyspraxic. I've had my share of rebounds during my PhD..but I am still here fighting on!
For the record, right now I am feeling OK. (:
#Depression #Anxiety #PhD #Academicstress #University #Research #Thoughts
I should never have gone to Mexico.
I should have started earlier.
I should have brought my computer with me.
I should have taken the time to read through my paper again.
I should have added all sources as I used them, instead of forgetting a couple times.
I should have taken the time to do it properly.
I should have talked to her about the date being an issue instead of letting the feelings build up and lead to more procrastination on the paper due to frustration with the situation.
I’ve been crying on and off for almost 4 hrs.
Background:
Friend planned to get married in Mexico, initially I thought she was planning it for reading break (meaning no missed university). Last march(?) she sent a group message to certain ppl in and out of the wedding party, myself as maid of honour included. The message said which works better? And listed a week at the end of January, and one at the end of February; both not on reading break. I fumed, I ignored the message. Later I eventually put “I’ll be in school during both.. I’ll come for whatever I can”. She didn’t reply to my comment at all. And never acknowledged the possible issue/stress it created. I felt I couldn’t “not go” to my Best friends wedding. Booked trip as normal during May. In December when it came time to pay the full deposit I talked to my school and to the travel agent. I could miss all but the Friday and then just catch up. Had to cancel and rebook the trip to make the dates match.
February came around, major paper is due on the Thursday of the trip. I figured it would be okay, I would work on it during reading break (the week before).
I got some sources together, and researched. Monday-wednesday flew by and I didn’t have anything written yet. Thursday I got a couple pages done. Friday I continued. It was 10 pm Friday when I realized I might need to do an all-nighter. I continued through the night and finished my paper at 410am.We had to leave for the airport at 450. I made sure the formatting worked, took off all the highlights I had put, and submitted it “phew” I was done.
During vacation I realized a few errors (had sent it to myself via email just in case), and a friend pointed a couple out. Fixed them and got my friend to resubmit it for me (I didn’t have access to a computer in Mexico). Thought it was sorted.
Present day:
Got my grade back. It was crap, but, the comments are what got me. 22 comments of “citation missing/reference needed”. There’s got to be a mistake I thought, I went through them and 90% were from my own head, 3 were not. They gave me a grade, but there is no way that, with 22 “missing references” as they see it, they won’t call it plagiarism. Comments in the rubric referring to several missing sources, vague comment in the end where my prof says to “come see her if I need clarification of the feedback”.
She didn’t sent me an outright “you’ve plagiarized, you are failed”. And the grade is throwing me off. It does say on the website (see comment ctd)
I feel super super tired. Not sad. Just tired. I had a lot of tests and projects this week, and my teachers are piling more and more work afterwards. It’s so overwhelming that I feel like I’m going to explode or have a mental breakdown. I don’t want to do anything. I just want wrap myself in a soft blanket and eat snacks. I want to be left alone with the people I love and drink tea. So many fun things I want to do, but have only the weekend, which unfairly goes by quick. God, I feel drop dead stressed. #Stress #Burnout #Academicstress
This might be a little dramatic, but sort of just need to vent. This week was a tough week because I had to go to school. I really hate school, mostly because of the workload (I’m in AP and advanced classes for the most part, so I guess you get what you signed up for) and classmates. The kids stress me out; they just have too much energy and it drains me even though I’m not even interacting with them. Every time I do the school work, I feel like I’m getting nothing out of it and I’m only working myself up to failure. It’s become too much of a problem that my mom even gave me the option to drop out if it made me nothing but miserable, and I’m not going to. But then again, I don’t know why I’m doing it. I don’t know why I’m pushing myself to do so much if no one will be impressed. I don’t know why I’m pushing myself past my breaking points. Right now, even though this may not even be true, I feel like everything I’m doing is useless, and that everything I worked for will be for nothing (it probably will be). I don’t know what I’m doing, or why I keep doing it. My mind is just really scrambled up, and it’s hard to stay positive when all my life in the time being revolves around academics. #Depression #Stress #School #Academicstress #Burnout
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