Anthropophobia

I might be doing fine, but it just feels terrible. My anxiety is through the roof. It's been at excruciating levels for over a week.

I woke up around 5am, went to the bathroom, and then went back to bed. In the following hour, my dream included dark, icy ocean waters, which caused me to wake up in a panic. This is probably the most common representation of my trauma in the dreamspace.

This past Saturday I attended Christmas at my mom's house. It was more pleasant than usual because I was able to bring 3 of my chosen family members for the first time. Everything felt more balanced.

This winter I started a couple new projects that are very important to me and bring meaning into my life. I have had to make new connections with others in order to move these projects forward and I find this to be terrifying, despite having had only positive interactions thus far.

Related to these projects, I made a mistake and communicated a falsehood to someone close to me. I have since corrected this mistake and apologized for neglecting to fact check the information before sharing it with them, but the guilt and shame I feel is overwhelming.

Recently I completed a writing project where I describe the physical abuse of my childhood. Through this I gained an even more clear understanding of why the freeze/collapse/fawn/submit responses were the only ones I learned to access. It feels really helpful and productive to participate in activities that exercise my fight and flight responses, like sports and combat based video games. I also need more practice with negotiation, and general interpersonal conflict skills.

These are the things bouncing in my head. If you feel led to share any advice or experiences, I know that this community has valuable insights. Regardless, thank you for reading. ❤

#MentalHealth #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anthropophobia #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #ChildhoodAbuse #Christmas #Community

Anthropophobia - the fear of other people

"Anthropophobia can be part of a social anxiety disorder, but the two terms are not exactly the same. People with social anxiety disorder feel intense distress in social situations, such as going on a date or speaking to a waiter. People with anthropophobia feel afraid of people, regardless of setting.

Their fear is specific to people, not specific to social settings."

This is me!! This is why "social anxiety" as a term doesn't resonate! It's not about the social, it's about the other humans. The terrifying, terrifying humans.

#MentalHealth #Anxiety #PanicAttacks #SocialAnxiety #Anthropophobia

I've always struggled with fear when interacting with others. I struggle with: what people say & don't say and what it means and when, how much eye contact is too much, why can't we just come out and say things (I am blunt to a fault). I feel better interacting with someone who comes across as insensitive than I do interacting with someone polite. I feel like I'm too old to still be trying to figure this out.  #alien , #strangerinastrangeland ,