Agoraphobia

Just I Have Severe Agoraphobia and Social Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder.

Also bipolar

Just I Have Difficulty Leaving My House at Times.

If I Stay Outside My House too long I Get Panic Attacks.

People look at My Outside Appearance and Assume I don't Have these issues.

And it kinda makes me feel more Alone.

Because I feel these Feelings In my Body.

But People Can't See What I Feel on the Inside.

Only The Outside.

Just I Joined a Group with similar interests.

but I Be feeling like Since I Struggle to leave my house and do meetups

People don't feel like a member of the group

And I be feeling like people be upset At me Because I don't Leave my house.

Just I'm a hard person to understand I guess.

Just be feeling Bad and more alone feel like nobody understands me.

Just I can't convince many people in real life to understand me.

If anyone has been following my posts - things are weird. I have been in EMERGENCY mode because I was told I would be displaced again. I have been trying to a pack/manage panic/figure out how to sleep in my car with my dog in Ohio in February all at the same time.
I just left an unsafe place. I’m not even in survival mode anymore.
I hardly eat
I hardly sleep

I was on the phone sobbing with some crisis person (who could only say “if you need to cry you can cry” because when she told me to take deep breaths I was like “if I relax I have a panic attack”) and my friend’s husband walked in and was like “don’t listen to her. You don’t have to leave.” I mean… that’s not really something you say off handedly. It’s kind of your best friend’s life at stake.

There were other things too. Like he said “you never know what you’ll get with her. She may come in today and be fine.” And “she might be upset that you’re helping clean up [as requested]” like… I’m walking on eggshells with this person. I don’t understand how I am the sick one. I have panic attacks, dissociate, and cry. I’m not mean. I don’t say things that can devastate a person with such callousness, especially not someone I have cared about for so long.

She is volatile and it is psychologically dangerous for me stay here.

#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Agoraphobia #PanicAttacks #Migraine #DomesticAbuseSurvivors

Everyone has the solution but no one knows the problem.
#CPTSD #DomesticAbuseSurvivors #Agoraphobia #PanicAttacks

Hi friends,

First of all, I want to say thank you so much. I have been thinking through so many things the past few days. Posting on here the last few months has really opened my eyes to the way I was being treated.
Once I know it’s not me, I fight back.
I’ve posted reviews on Google for the agency I’ve been fighting with- one original review and then an updated one when they responded with their scripted response to “call the agency with any concerns”
I am posting more on my social media so I can tell people what I am experiencing and that I’m done with it. I’m not tolerating it anymore. I feel like it was a good step for me to take.
I met with the new agency yesterday and I’ll be doing an intake next week.
The draft of the story telling thing has been sent to me so I’m going to try to read that today.
I have been journaling- it’s so messy and chaotic. But I think I have been working things out in my head. I truly thought the things that were happening were because i was annoying or that I did something wrong to warrant that treatment. I honestly didn’t even realize that was how I was seeing it.
I have felt kind of okay for a stretch of time that has spanned hours rather than minutes and that has me hoping this time I can really see actual movement.
More to come, hopefully continuing on this upward trend 🤞🏼💗🥰
Thank you all so so so so so much for all of your support the past few months. I know I’m going to need it as I keep going; it’s reassuring to know it’s here. I hope others see this post and it encourages them to speak up too.
#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Agoraphobia #PanicAttacks #ChronicMigraines #DomesticAbuseSurvivors

Hi guys,
Idk what to do.

The person I’m staying with just said “I’m going to run an errand and the kids don’t want to come so I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

Ummmmmmm
I have been having SEVERE panic attacks and dissociative episodes- which everyone is aware of. I don’t think they believe me. I’ve been experiencing a lot of #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Agoraphobia and #PanicAttacks all day.
I don’t feel like it’s safe and I didn’t even agree to it. Yet I’m at their whim so I couldn’t say no.

Am I making too big of a deal out of this?

I have to rely on others to even exist because I am homeless and disabled and just need help in general like we all do. I try to be as minimally intrusive as possible.

I watch the dynamics change at break neck speed when they have to actually see how bad things have gotten. I talk and no one listens or responds or acknowledges I spoke. This has been a problem for awhile. But I’m seeing it so much more now. People don’t make eye contact with me.

I am constantly telling myself “stop talking, stop talking, stop talking.” I’m reminding myself my survival is completely dependent on being as small as possible. This is destroying me and my potential. I cannot stand my own existence any longer. The self loathing is new. I have zero confidence.

I am a burden and unwanted by the people I have loved most.
Even me talking about my very real problems is too much for them.

I have tried so many different ways to help this- changes in myself, my expectations, my boundaries, how I communicate. I have tried countless ways of trying to meet new people or get support in other ways. It hasn’t gone well and now I’m in an even more precarious position because of how much in crisis i am.

And my friends all work with kids with disabilities. So it’s not like they don’t know how.

I want to disappear.

#CPTSD #Agoraphobia #PanicAttacks