Agoraphobia

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CW: Trauma, Sports, Mention of symptoms of mental health issues - please don't read if you're currently struggling and seek help. In the UK you can text shout to 85258 at any time.

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I became mentally unwell because I was systematically encouraged to push down my feelings whilst experiencing trauma through competitive sport. This meant that I sought other ways of expressing that inner child (usually self destructively with substances, self harm and general bad behaviour). Now I am on a waiting list for ADHD diagnosis (which would explain a lot about how I reacted to that time, like some of it was the coaches and then some was how *I* processed the coaches) and diagnosed with GAD, panic disorder and intermittent agoraphobia (which I have learned to manage with applied art, spotify and a strong sense of when to push myself I am sat here trying to work out how I get sober for my health. Ideas? (That won't try and make me talk in front of people straight away - panic disorder didn't help when they tried this in a meeting).

My (who I suspect to be a Narc) mom had 6 kids and she left us when we were little.. all of us are heavily mentally ill and diagnosed. But she has threatened to leave all of our lives since she's been back in our life since 2015.

Anyways, my mom knows I have Agoraphobia, BPD, and everything else and has never cared. I spent my time allowing her to cross my boundaries by throwing my things away because we don't share the same beliefs...and she treated me very coldly when I had COVID.

Anyways, I live with her and I've been in therapy trying to help myself and working with a case manager to eventually get on my own feet. However, I finally stood up to my mother. I didn't disrespect her but instead I finally expressed how she made me feel and she couldn't handle it.

She started packing her bags and threatened to leave my autistic brother and my agoraphobic sister, (who also has physical health issues) to fend for themselves because she can't stand me.

She said either I am going or she's going so I decided I am leaving because I don't want them to suffer. I have nowhere to go. I'm going to be on the streets of Seattle and I'm terrified. I have a month or less.

I'm just venting because I'm really scared. The shelters here are hard for single women without kids to get into. I feel like I am out of options.

Thanks for reading.

#NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #Depression #Abuse #Agoraphobia

When Death comes,
Will I be ready?
Or, will I shrink away
Remembering all the wishes undone
All the conversations I never had
The loves never met
When Death comes,
Will I embrace it,
As I often want to do?
Wishing I was undone
And unmade
For the remainder of the pain
When Death comes,
Will it be painless?
Or a horror?
I chant to my body, my cells
Live and be well
Fight against free radicals
And the dark things
Lurking deep within that have no names
When Death comes,
I will bring an apple for his horse

Hi, my name is bushy01. I'm here because I have a hard time traveling and being away from my home.

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #Agoraphobia

Hi!

I used to post a lot on here and I’ve been pretty quiet lately. I have had a lot of things happen recently that made my life feel a lot more stable and I hope they continue.

I’m seeing a really good trauma-informed therapist who does IFS and EMDR. I have a new psychiatrist who listens, believes me, and is very supportive. We are trying new combinations of medications to help me manage my symptoms. I am starting art therapy. I also go to an art center where I attend groups, which helps me feel social and helps me occupy my time in a healthy way. I am being seen for ovarian cysts which randomly happen. I have a neurologist appointment in October. I also am being tested for POTS in a month and a half; which I never even thought to bring up, especially when I couldn’t get my basic needs met for years. I even have a dentist appointment!

Things are finally starting to get on a track but, of course, I’m still terrified I will end up without support again. Last night, I had a really vivid nightmare I was homeless again last night and that I was trying to get help but no one would help me get connected to resources or support.

I’m hoping things continue to trend upwards and I continue to feel safe and remain in a place where I am supported.

Thanks for reading ❤️

#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Migraine #PanicDisorder #Agoraphobia #MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe

Recently I felt offended, trampled on.
It was the new job I got, and well, I had never worked before and I don't know how some things are done.
The manager made me do something I didn't know how to do and even worse, the work he made me do had to be done quickly so that the people who had to finish it wouldn't be late.
Honestly, it was taking me a long time and everyone around me was looking at me, soon they started laughing and making fun that I couldn't. My nerves betrayed me so much to the point of sweating too much, my top started to get wet and that made them make fun of how I looked even more.
I felt so stupid and embarrassed, I wanted to cry right away, I was angry, embarrassed, sad, worried, nervous, but I didn't cry right away, I held it together until I got home during the break.
Although after the break they started teasing and laughing so hard again.
On the way home I realized that one of the boys who were making fun of me followed me but without attacking. I left that place so traumatized that I even swore that everyone was pointing at me and talking about me, people I didn't know. #Agoraphobia #Anxiety
The saddest thing was that now even though a few days have passed, even when I go out into the street I feel like people is making fun of me.

Now I just need some advice from someone who has social anxiety and has had panic attacks or anxiety attacks.