Agoraphobia

I’m not sure if an Iep is normal I believe so, but they specifically had me in special education because I was behind my peers constantly, and behind grade level, meaning I was intellectually at a disadvantage, just playing neurologicaly slow. Now as someone in their early 20s (22) I’m trying to figure life out without the constant support of a team of people there to help guide me. To be honest it feels like they realized I had massive difficulty’s in many areas then they helped me get through k-12 and as soon as that cap and gown came off it was like I was booted into the world without people knowing of my intellectual disability’s and giving me the same support I had in school, I mean is it just me or does that sound kinda f**d up, please please comment down below your thoughts, I really need help with this one my friends #DevelopmentalDisability #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Agoraphobia #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Depression #dissability #sad #Family #PanicAttack

I take more medication then I’m supposed to sometimes, I plan on passing in my youth I’m 22, 28 is the date though maybe it’s just fate, people wanna play I’m finna have the last say, I forgive those who’ve crossed me and for my life’s atrocity, I just wanted to live in a world without violence it got to me, how do you expect a person to live in this monstrosity and carry on like monotony, other people terrify me but I’ve got the lock and key, at least the key to my heart, where do I start, born with a whole that never filled it’s missing part. #Depression #MentalHealth #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Agoraphobia #PanicAttack #AnxietyAttack #Anxiety #Pain

There are so many things happening right now and that have happened to me in the past six years.
I cannot even begin to explain the level of despair I am feeling. I no longer feel like I am a person. I don’t even feel like reaching out for help any more.
I am not staying in a safe location. I have contacted countless people and agencies for help. But resources are stretched and somehow that makes it okay for me to not access resources to meet basic human needs.
My “friends” and “family” act like it’s okay for me to have to deal with it. I have had complete ptsd meltdowns and they have just stepped over me (sometimes literally) and continued on with their lives. When they tell stories, they talk about how they could never go to the hospital alone and how scary it is. But they never connect back with that to empathize with me when I’m in the ER for a migraine. This is one example of countless things that have happened just in the past year.
I am connected with community agencies and I’m not getting services. I have an awesome therapist and she is appalled by everything that has happened and how I have been treated. We are considering filing a grievance because I am about to lose my housing voucher because my case manager will not follow through on her part (I have already switched case managers a couple of times and gone up the chain of command to advocate for myself).
I don’t even know what else to say anymore. I’m feeling really hopeless and I’m experiencing a lot of depersonalization (both of which are highly atypical for me, which indicates the level of crisis I am in)
Can anyone relate?
#CPTSD #ChronicDailyMigraine #Agoraphobia

Does anyone else a debilitating fear of other people due to past experiences and or mental illness? You could call it trust issues but I think it runs deeper then that, I’m scared that people will come after me, I just want to be blissed out on benzos or ketamine so I don’t have to feel constant all consuming anxiety, I mean I just finished inpatient treatment and my family isn’t exactly thrilled that I called it at six weeks even though that’s over a month and a good chunk of time. I do feel like I gained a lot from that time as well. #Anxiety #PanicAttacks #Agoraphobia #Depression #MentalHealth

I’m really hoping that a more sophisticated being is out in the universe watching over us. With the recent news of unidentifiable crafts by the U.S Navy or Air Force I’d say it’s very likely we’ve been observed. I probably sound nuts to some but it would actually give me great comfort knowing that we’re not alone. I just hope that they would be gentle with us mortals more so I hope that we as a species would not destroy or hurt them as we’ve done with our own planet. I’d love to have a dialogue with said sophisticated species but after all I’m just a lowly peasant of a human being. Peace everybody.
#Depression #Agoraphobia #AnxietyAttacks #PanicAttacks #Sadness #lonely #Pain #Life

Part 1 of 2 When I was a little girl, there was talk of a woman who never left her house. I thought to myself, “That’s really weird!” In my 60s, I became that woman.

I began having panic attacks at age 29 during a period of extreme stress. I was working 20 hours per week while taking 12 hours of graduate classes and a 10 year relationship was ending. I managed to cope with the attacks through the years, telling my boss that I had hypoglycemia. I made the regrettable mistake of marrying at age 38 without telling my husband I had panic disorder. I wasn’t having panic attacks at the time of my marriage. However, my husband told me later that he had noted that I often checked my heart rate. In hindsight, even though it’s hard to talk about, I advise being open with those close to you about your mental illness. If you don’t you will regret it later. Bust the stigma.

I have found panic attacks to be cyclical in nature. One can go for a few years without having one, then they come back in full force.

Driving has been difficult since developing panic disorder. I have pulled over to the side of the road many times. Left hand turns when the car must face oncoming traffic were especially difficult for me. Freeways can be terrifying. I’ve popped a Xanax to drive. I’ve kept CDs by Claire Weeks in my car CD player. I finally gave up driving in my 60s.

Once I had a long panic attack in the grocery store. After abandoning my grocery cart half full of groceries, I sat down in the deli area. There was an older man in overalls sitting at the same table eating fried chicken. Somehow, that man’s calm nature helped me immensely; he never knew I was having a panic attack. When I went to the restroom a little while later, the feelings of unreality came. I had a hard time walking to the car and driving home.

Two panic attacks at age 62 were the seminal ones that caused me to become agoraphobic. I was shopping for groceries during the first and taking Prozac newly prescribed by a psychiatrist. I had been reading how SSRIs increase the risk for fractures. I had a panic attack while checking out. I felt the sense of unreality. My heart raced. Somehow I managed to write a check and get my groceries to the car while walking on legs that felt like jelly. The second seminal panic attack occurred while I was sitting in church. I looked down at my FitBit, and my heart rate was 138 bpm. I got up and left, worrying that I might pass out in front of the church members. I had difficulty driving home.

I went to the grocery store once after these two seminal attacks. I walked to the produce department to get bananas and avocados. I was shaking so bad in the checkout line the clerk asked me if I was okay. Somehow I made it home. Another time I tried to pick up a prescription at the pharmacy. I was so anxious that I had to abandon the pickup. The pharmacy clerk said, “but it’s right here, ready.” I said, “I’m having an #Anxiety attack and have to leave.” Again, I pictured myself passing out in the store and had a hard time getting to the car and driving home.

Now, I rarely go into the grocery store, the pharmacy, a movie theatre, a restaurant, a department store, or church now. On the rare occasion I go out, I have a safe person with me. I will go for weeks without leaving my house. If I have a doctor’s appointment, someone drives me.

Not many people know I have agoraphobia. The stigma causes me to stay in the closet about my condition. I am worried what people will think: that I’m weird, weak, or crazy. That is, if they even know what agoraphobia is at all. I admit I have some shame about being mentally ill. I’ve never discussed my condition with my sister or brother.

Agoraphobia is very lonely. Zoom helps with the social isolation. In a sense, I’ve been glad for the pandemic as others have gotten to see what it’s like to not leave the house. I spend my life in a very small space of about 800 square feet. I am grateful that I have that much space to live in.

I also have chronic #Insomnia and #Depression . I take medications that someone picks up for me for panic disorder, depression, and insomnia.

Living with mental illness is very challenging. I wish a social worker could come visit me. Maybe in the future there will be better help for those living with mental illness. I really like the quote at the end of the recently published book, “Healing: Our Path from Mental Illness to Mental Health,” by Thomas Insel, M.D. The quote is by Hubert Humphrey. It is: “The moral test of government is how that government treats those who are in the dawn of life, the children; those