Agoraphobia

Since this is a Practice, and in a practice, we must build upon our knowledge—here, I am going to expand upon my 1st post about the Beginner’s Mind, the first post of this new group - click to join and not miss the interconnected 9 attitudes of the wellbeing mindset of Mindfulness.

There is an emphasis on the importance of cultivating this mindset in all aspects of life.

Has anyone practiced this Beginner’s Mind or think that you will give it a try?
Any thoughts about this particular part of the whole?

Let’s break it down again:

Holding onto a particular belief limits the mind.
We accumulate a lot of conditioning along the way.
We tend to create a world where our opinions and beliefs are fixed.
As soon as we are attached to that one side, we shut off the other side-we don’t see it or hear it.

Only when we are willing to show up in each moment with a fresh, curious mind, willing to listen, knowing that possibly everything we believed and thought -that perhaps that’s not true. And, if we can maintain that freshness of mind, called a beginner’s mind—

then we can create a space where the mind can absorb, can respect the way other people think— take in new perspectives, and all of a sudden, we start to see not only a transformation in our mind, but a greater sense of calm, of clarity, and also a positive change in our relationships.

By letting go of preconceived ideas, expectations, and attachments, we can fully engage with each moment, experiencing life as it truly is, rather than through the filter of our thoughts and beliefs.

Key concepts:

Openness to possibilities:
The mind of the beginner is empty, free of the habits of the expert, ready to accept, to doubt, and open to all the possibilities.

No attachment to outcomes:
By approaching situations with a beginner's mind, one is less likely to be fixated on achieving a specific result, allowing for greater flexibility and adaptability.

And, the extremely critical skill of learning How to focus on the present moment:
This mindset encourages a deep awareness of the current experience, without getting caught up in past regrets or future anxieties; which we all know the negative consequences this has on our mental health.

We have to help ourselves to not be stuck dwelling on either the "what could have been" or the "what might happen", so that we can instead stay living in and fully enjoying the actual present moment. This is all a part of our role in managing our depression and anxiety and not letting these win and take from us and our potential and our lives that we can have.

It’s important to remember that all of this is not an achievement to be attained but rather a continuous process of self-discovery and self-transformation.

#MentalHealth #ChronicIllness #Mindfulness #MajorDepressiveDisorder #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #MoodDisorders #Depression #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Cancers #ChronicFatigue #AnorexiaNervosa #Selfcare #Addiction #Fibromyalgia #ChronicPain #Selfharm #Grief #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #Suicide #Trauma #Agoraphobia #ADHD #SocialAnxiety #SocialAnxietyDisorder #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Headache #Migraine #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Disability #IfYouFeelHopeless #EatingDisorders #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #MightyTogether #Caregiving #CheckInWithMe #DistractMe

It was 5 AM, and I hadn’t slept all night. Until 2 AM, I was scrolling through reels on my phone, but after that, I didn’t even feel like using it anymore. This was because the day before, October 25th, I had slept through most of the day.

This has now become a habit—sleeping during the day and staying awake at night. Staying up all night does bother me sometimes, but I don’t know what to do about it. I avoid taking medication because I fear I’ll get addicted to it.

I have a condition called schizophrenia, which is a complex mental illness. It involves delusions and hallucinations. I hear voices—a problem that began three years ago when we were living in Gwalior.

It was Diwali, and there was a heated argument between my father and uncle. After the lockdown, my uncle started a grocery business similar to ours, likely instigated by a neighbor. Ever since then, he tried to harm our business by badmouthing us to customers and spreading false rumors. While I was managing the shop, he would make comments aimed at undermining my confidence, and my aunt supported him.

Our family tensions escalated after my grandfather passed away, leading to a physical wall being built in our house, splitting it into two halves. On that Diwali afternoon, I heard my uncle loudly badmouthing our shop to a customer. My father initially confronted him, but the argument intensified, and I had to step in. I’m usually an introvert, but at that moment, I screamed at him with all my frustration built up from days of humiliation. My aunt joined in, and in front of the entire neighborhood, she called me a "psycho." People watched and laughed, enjoying the spectacle.

This moment deeply impacted me. My outburst wasn’t just about the insult that day but a response to the countless insults and frustrations I had endured. Being labeled a "psycho" in front of everyone was unbearable, especially when people knew the real culprits were my uncle and aunt.

After that day, I stopped leaving the house and interacting with others. It felt like people were mocking or laughing at me. This marked the beginning of the voices I started hearing.

Despite several attempts by my father to resolve family issues, we were stuck in Gwalior because our shop was the only source of income. We even tried relocating, but legal issues and frauds caused financial losses, leaving us with no choice but to stay in our divided house.

Over time, the city road-widening project took away a part of our shop's land, reducing its value. Eventually, we sold the house for a much lower price than its worth and moved to Mathura.

After that Diwali, I avoided interacting with my relatives and neighbors. I could sense people judging me. I was unaware that these feelings were early signs of a mental illness. The chaos in my life from 2017 to 2021 became the root cause of my condition.

Even as a child, I grew up in an environment of constant conflict. My father, being the eldest, took on responsibilities to support the family, but my uncle, with a completely opposite nature, never took anything seriously. My father’s grocery shop was successful because of his hard work, while my uncle flitted between various businesses without much success.

During the lockdown, my uncle and aunt started their grocery shop, creating unnecessary competition and conflict. They would open their shop earlier than ours, close later, and constantly try to steal our customers by spreading false information. This behavior tarnished the reputation of both shops.

No matter how hard my parents tried, peace was unattainable. The ongoing disputes left an indelible mark on me. I longed to escape, to find a job and avoid the shop entirely.

By 2020, I started hearing voices—a symptom of my growing mental health struggles. My family’s internal strife, coupled with the external pressures of societal judgment, had taken a toll on me. The conflicts weren’t limited to our family; some relatives and neighbors added fuel to the fire, making the situation worse.

These years of turmoil shaped my struggles, and I’m still trying to navigate through them, hoping for a day when I can find peace and regain control over my life.

#story #Agoraphobia #Schizophrenia

But, first a quote from Jon Kabat-Zinn who introduced these principles

“It is only when the mind is open and receptive that learning and seeing and change can occur.”
Kabat-Zinn, 2005, p. 31

Beginner’s Mind -The attitude of intentionally seeing things around you as if for the first time, by shedding our expectations and preconceptions and welcoming the possibility of a new moment, one that has never been seen before.

Curiosity, simplicity; Rather than coming to a situation with the weight of past ideas and experiences, the beginner’s mind asks you to arrive knowing that you do not know everything. As no moment is the same as another, every moment allows you a chance to learn. Being open and curious can help save you from being stuck in a rut.

#MentalHealth #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #Depression #ChronicIllness #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Mindfulness #BipolarDepression #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Trauma #ChronicFatigue #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #BipolarDisorder #Selfcare #Selfharm #Grief #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Suicide #CheckInWithMe #DistractMe #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Cancers #ADHD #Fibromyalgia #ChronicPain #Caregiving #MoodDisorders #Addiction #PostpartumDisorders #Agoraphobia #SocialAnxiety #Loneliness #Headache #Migraine #AnorexiaNervosa #RareDisease #EatingDisorders #IfYouFeelHopeless

When we break down our goals into smaller chunks, it can help us reframe and get those goals met!
What's a goal you want to add into your routine?
I want to incorporate daily exercise and increase my water intake.
#PTSD #MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #Agoraphobia #Anxiety #ChronicFatigue #CeliacDisease #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Addiction

I have agoraphobia so I don't leave my apartment unless it's to go to doctor's appointments, tests, procedures, etc. My home aid brought me grocery shopping today. Usually I order them & have them delivered but she wanted me to try. I have only gone grocery shopping 1 other time in the last 5 years so I was very overwhelmed but I managed to get through the whole store. There were quite a few other people there too. I didn't even know all this new food existed. I couldn't believe it. I am so proud of myself for making it the whole way. I was very overwhelmed at first but once I focused on getting what I needed & talking with my home aid it became a lot less stressful. I don't know how often that's going to happen but now I know I can do it. The holidays are really difficult for me. My family always invites me & I always have to find a way to get out of it because they don't understand why I have such a hard time. I wish it was easier to explain & that I wasn't constantly trying to find valid excuses that make sense to them. I'm sad if I'm not invited but I don't want to go at the same time. It doesn't make sense to me either. 🫤
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Agoraphobia #Anxiety #PanicAttacks #PanicDisorder #PanicAttack #Journaling #Addiction #MentalHealth #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorderBPD #SuicidalThoughts #SuicidalIdeation #Suicide #Selfharm

The picture is of my sweet boy sound asleep cuddling with me right now 🖤🤍🐾

This is my baby & my best friend. He is always there for me & loves me unconditionally. I got him 5 years & he basically saved my life. I was in & out of mental health inpatient programs because being lonely was making me not want to keep moving forward. He's such a cuddler & loves stealing my pillows to sleep on. I have a responsibility to make sure that he's living his best life. We are very close because I am disabled & have #Agoraphobia so we are together 98% of the time. I was meant to be his mommy. ❤️❤️