Barelycoping

So I'm in the process of being interviewed about ritualistic abuse I lived through as a child (I'll try to avoid going into detail of actual abuse and just stick to talking about my situation now)

Basically due to covid (an other reasons) the interviews were put on hold..
the second I wasn't being interviewed more and More memories started coming back again, then I found out they are angling the case Just towards my biological father and Not the ring of powerful child killers he 'worked' with, this leaves me very afraid for my long term safety.

Well now my brain undug at least two other perpetrators I was trafficked to.
it's like the police saying they are just going after him meant my brain had to release memories of everyone else that it Knows need to be held accountable for the things they have done!!

My biggest concern with them saying that (,well there are Many!) Is that the information that I gave them that they Don't want to ask me any questions about.. is the bit that includes all the murder crime scenes I was at or taken to at..
It's the bit that includes all the rich and powerful people, but it's also the bits where my bio father and others killed children!

I'm worried he will end up with just a slap on the wrist and his name on the a register.. when he and at least 15 other 'men' should be going down as mass murderers!!

How can they call this justice?
How can they try and make this Just a historical family abuse case?
How can the system hide such horrors?
How am I meant to battle this All alone?
How can the police put my life in danger and protect serial killers?
What is actually wrong with the world!?!

#Barelycoping #childhoodabusesurvivor #Nojustice #MeToo #Childhoodtrauma #helpme #NeedSupport #warriorsurvivor #WritingThroughIt #emotionalflashback #somaticflashbacks #scared #tired #stillfighting #twistedworld

I have had horrendous anxiety spells majority of my life. I have struggled with it so much but one thing I have never tried is medication. I was in therapy for 2 years through the worst period of my life with my anxiety. During this time I really thought this was the end for me. I couldn’t carry on with this every single day. I struggled with every inch of life.

My main side effect of my was nausea and sickness so much so I stopped eating for roughly 8 months and was relying on sugar hits from fizzy juice to being me through the day. Walking would make me dizzy but I sort of liked the feeling. I used to do 2 40min walks each weekday to school. It felt liberating but so draining. And as soon as I reached school, I’d throw up. I’d spend my day running to the bathroom to spill my guts (which where empty).

My mum took me to the doctors over this period of time. I became obsessed on an unnatural level where I was calorie counting of loss and intake. I was always under 300-500 cals per day.

I was told if I had visited my GP once more with no improvements, I’d be hospitalised as my weight was so low. I never went back.

Christmas time hit and it was horrible. All I did was sleep and walk. Skipped breakfast, lunch and had a small dinner.

I managed to get it all under control. Like a miracle. This was a few years ago.

My flares up often but I can often cope with it without it being a huge issue for me but sometimes it gets bad. My eating takes a hit and I see the weight fall back off me. I’m trying to keep a handle on it in my worst moments but sometimes it’s so difficult and draining.

I didn’t want to try pills as I wanted to try the therapy techniques which seem to work for me. I also know they have many side effects. I have contemplated them several times. Researched a few, but don’t really know much.

Anyone have any opinions on meds for ? #Anxiety #Broken #Barelycoping

New childhood trauma memories #CPTSD #AbuseSurvivors

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