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Fairly new to accepting dissociation...
I'm Kade, and in May, we started writing a lovely fantasy story and drawing pictures to accompany... then one day we finally had to accept it wasn't fiction.
The discovery of The Rivers Fam system, and we'd love some help with good conversations, good sources that are useful for self-help, and anything that we might be able to explore because we are not currently diagnosed DID, but we are in therapy and under care of medical professionals. But we are also a teacher and want to sort out as much as we can prior to going back to work full time at the end of the month.
The long part:
We were originally diagnosed Bipolar II in January 2020 after what we thought was a psychotic break in Fall 2019. After better coping skills, management of moods, and some good life changes, our therapist continued to ask "So do you think you have bipolar disorder?" We chuckled and said that it should be called Tenpolar Disorder in our case because of the specific moods we had identified and cycled throughout the three years since documentation of moods started. We thought we had ultra rapid cycling moods.
So after we created the Enchanted Forest and the chatacters grew in number, they started to develop their names, identities, memories, purposes, and we even joked about who we were "channeling" and when they felt like they were working in teams. We even started processing some trauma we didn't know we had!
Then we visited family and friends from our past in June and July.
We noticed that we weren't in control of who was out (mainly the absence of Kade and their confidence and calmness) and we were repeatedly triggered into the same "character(s)" for the same things. We started needing our anxiety medication around the family that was triggering and later we realized that Kade didn't get to take their vacation at all in July because it was not folks that Kade was friends with. It was free spirited Sage on the road, Brian from childhood, and Teacher Katie (who has not fronted long enough to get her own name since this all came about as Katie is the OG. We often made names of Little Kid Katie, Teacher Katie, Musician Katie, Waitress Katie, etc... long before any of this came up. 😬)
After the shocker of Brian having his own breakdown that he would never be "Brian" when looking in the mirror, on the drive home, we spent time working through acceptance that this is happening. (and from the memories pulled at this point, it's probably been happening since we were around 3) We felt grief for oh so much, an almost a calm understanding and relief for so many puzzling things over the last few years of panic attacks and medication increases to no success.
As lovely as it is to feel less panic and less "crazy", it's also quite lonely because I've built up some bipolar friends, but the final veil lifting on this dissociation is so far out from anything I could have ever imagined happening when I tried to stay in my bipolar box.
I'm new to this. I'm undiagnosed, but I actually have the help of two therapists and a psych NP to try and figure it out, but I'd like some actual systems that maybe like to chat sometimes.
So I guess I'm hoping for any of the following:
*things that helped when you first accepted this was happening and your mind felt like it was melting most of the time due to overload --I can't journal 24/7 and that's what they would probably have been doing if I could handle it. Lol But journaling seems to be my only full-system communication so it's necessary.
*any resources that were helpful to the function and order of your system
*anyone who wants to chat about arts and crafts, making music, teaching/education practices, etc... along with DID and systems.
Thanks if you read that much. Lol We have a very difficult time shortening things down now that we can work together at times. 😂
Going cold Turkey #Bipolar2Disorder
I decided to go cold Turkey about a month ago on my depression pills right after they took me off of it for 2 weeks. #BipolarDepression is not easy to deal with alone and specially not with a baby on hand. I started to gain allot of weight and was having really bad heartburn so they stop my medications for a while. #Depression kept coming in and out of my mind without a time or date unexpectedly. I hate, I really do but I started to feel insecure about my weight. I went cold Turkey on my meds and it’s been about 2 plus months now and all I’ve been doing is writing on a journal. It’s helping after all and every day right after waking up I read or write over them. I’m sure if it helps me then it helps you. #BipolarDisorder #Depression #PTSD #Trauma #Suicide #MentalHealthAwareness please if any of these you have talk to professional people. I know we all have different ways of coping but we can all find ways to help one another if one doesn’t work then there’s more tries. Thank you
I am on a mix of five different medications for my bipolar disorder and none of them are covered by my medical aid. I'm spending a decent chunk of my salary on medication and I still feel like I shut down whenever I'm not in a situation I'm forced to be 'on'. Is this normal? You'd think at this point I would be in a better place mentally, especially given the full on pharmacy (I feel like) I'm carrying around.
Why I chose Bambooandoak as a username
To live with #ChronicPain , #Bipolar2Disorder , @depression you have to understand when to be flexible within your environment and when you must have boundaries that stabilize you and let you stand firm. Today chronic pain at level 10 is pressing me between those two states. I took the reins and called my pain management Dr to start the process with insurance to get an intervention started to get myself back to a state that I can live within.