#Bisexual #LGBTQ
Today I participated in an online trivia game hosted by the honour society I'm a member of at my college. Being the progressive organization that we are, the theme was PRIDE Jeopardy. Several members identify as LGBTQ-PA . Also, many, actually all of them, are younger than me. As these trivia questions came rolling out, and the younger generation of forward thinking leaders answered quickly and accurately, I realized that there is a lot about the community that I've been a member of since 1999, that I don't know. With each wrong answer I submitted, I could feel the eyes of my fellow students roll with disappointment. I feel like a sham, a fake, a wolf in sheep's clothing, all because I don't know the current colours of each flag, or the proper terminology, or pronoun, or any of the myriad of important issues that relate to this community. And it's not that it doesn't matter to me. It does! It's not that I don't care. I do! But I just feel so out of the loop, behind the times, and honestly, a bit ostracised. I don't feel like I belong anymore...I fought so hard to find a community where I felt safe to be myself, to love whomever my heart chose, heck to love myself for once. But now I feel like an outsider, both looking in and looking out of the perverbial closet with no sense of support or communion from either side. I just want to be loved and accepted for who I am, not rejected for what I'm not. Isn't that what we all want? A place to belong? A place to feel safe? A place where we don't have to pretend anymore? And yet, here I am, feeling rejected like a traitor by the only community I've ever been able to identify with because I'm certainly not straight, but suddenly I'm not gay enough either. Where do I go now? Standing in the closet doorway - unwelcomed and uninvited....
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