Blue

I recently dyed my hair blue for the second time. Having blue hair often gets people’s attention and many people ask me why do i have blue hair, for the first time i did it, my only answer was because it’s fun and it’s my favourite colour. That answer didn’t really have any meaning to me and i’ve been trying to figure out why I liked having blue hair, why did I dye it again, after it had all grew back to my natural brown hair. Today I realized why and i feel like I learned something about myself and this is something I am proud of since i often don’t understand myself.

I realized I loved having blue hair because as a person I am shy and it’s hard for me to go talk to people and make friends. Having blue hair makes it easier. People come talk to me and compliment me and I like the attention, I like that it creates a conversation topic and that since i’m shy and don’t stand out in a group, it helps me make an impression gives me a push start at getting to know people #Blue #StandOut #Selfesteem

My feelings are like the color blue. Like the ocean, or the sky. It's deep and goes on forever. The deeper you go through Blue, the darker it becomes. Some days I am blue with beautiful, white, puffy clouds. It's a perfect day. Other days, I am drowning in the ocean. I am falling below the crystal blue water, and sinking to the darkest parts that nobody has yet explored. I am lost. Then, just like that, I am found again. Floating and flying and going so high. It's a roller coaster ride that I cannot escape. I am forced to sit, and try to enjoy the ride that has gone on for years and does not look like it will stop. It has taken other passengers, and they have gotten off quickly because they cannot take in all of the Blue. I am here still though. Blue will not continue to keep me stranded by myself. I will win.
#thecolorblueisnotjustacolor

A heart, dark as death, itself disguised by laughter. It started out innocent.

But then out of the blue came your attack. Fast and quick forever leaving a scalding burn of embarrassment upon my identity. Who would have guessed that in just one simple movement you could degrade someone so spitefully. Though your only weapon may have been the pen, paper couldn’t lesson the pain of each well timed blow.

Years have passed but I shall never forget the scalding pain of your daring glare, forever inviting me to just give in. I was living life in the light of day but after you I was pulled into the darkness of the never ending nightmare that now consumes my every other thought.

I blame myself and only myself for my naive nature forbids me still, to blame anyone other than me. I wasn’t always like this but now it’s all that I am destined to become. Out of the blue you launched your trap, capturing me in a deadly web of lies.

I tried desperately to escape but ended in the blue itself. I watched you spitefully laughing from the outside. While I struggled to stay afloat, willing myself just to find someone in whom I could confide. In the end I couldn’t stand it, I released the overwhelming tide of emotions that for so long had threatened to overcome me.

Out of the blue the sheer ferocity of your actions hit me with a startling and painful realisation. Relief hit but then the crushing weight of reality and shame revealed itself to me. It was then the understanding dawned upon me,

I would never truly be … out of the blue.
#Anxiety #AnxietyDisorders #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Depression