Vent

A lot of my trauma happened the most throughout my life in the evenings. So now whenever that time of night rolls in, it hits hard. I currently live in another state than I did before so I have yet to find insurance or a trauma therapist. I have done emdr which helped tremendously but then I had another attack which happened right before I moved.

Now I do my best to cope but it's hard to keep the mind and body stable and not to let them stray into depression spells in the evenings and sometimes it feels like all the progress I made on the previous abuse sort of came undone? Which I know isn't true Soto speak but it's just a little diffcult to keep on keeping on, but I know at the end of the day I just need to keep living and taking things day by day.

#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Depression #Abuse #AbuseSurvivors #Vent

Trying to finish my high school diploma at 23 because I couldn’t in my teens I was only a few courses away from graduating, but had high family conflict and my mental health was very bad I have a few courses left to graduate math 11 being one of them, wish me luck!
Doing online school but such bad communication between the teacher/ person that enrolled me and now apparently they expect you to do a whole chapter in 2 weeks

Or they kick you out. It’s already hard enough to learn math and more so if u struggle with anxiety. But wish me luck hope we can come to an agreement, and if not I’ll do my very best to finish up so I can finally graduate.

#math #School #Anxiety #Headache #sucks #Vent #confusing

I finally vented to someone about what I’ve been through. Turns out we have stuff in common. A sibling or we ourselves were late talkers, we both know some level of ASL, we both have been or are going through some form of hell, and (judging based on the fact that her other friend I know trusts her) I feel I can trust her. Due to said hell I am going through, I don’t trust people right away. So it really takes a lot of guts for me to trust people I meet. She sounded like she needed someone to listen, and I needed someone to listen. I showed her a song I wrote about the hell. I know I am not being too specific about the hell I’ve been through, but every time I posted something before like this on any other website, I have gotten messages days later from perverts and bad people in general. I have no where else to share and I can’t talk verbally about it because I’m too scared. Boys teased and bullied me, so I’m scared to trust boys because they’ve taught me by experience that all they will do is just be jerks and make you feel awful. I am sorry I wasted your time with this rant. Not like anyone would except this person I mentioned would understand any signing I do when I’m too upset to speak. Also, I am tired of having to keep my anger to myself and curse everyone out in ASL in private so that they don’t realize how tired, irritated, sad, and frustrated I am by my situation. I wish I could trust easier. I wish people were not jerks who scar people for life. But aye! I have no professional to talk to and no one in my family who would understand what I say about it so I have to pretend that I’m fine even though I am dying inside. It hurts inside so badly and it is so saddening. I wish I could fix myself. I feel broken, but I don’t know how to fix me. I wish I could stop feeling like shit, like it is somehow wrong to need fidgets. I hate it all. Why did they have to do what they did? Why did anybody do what they did to make me broken inside and need therapy. I know that help is coming soon, but it feels like it’s taking forever. But what do I know? I feel like I don’t matter and it hurts even more. I wish I could just forget everything that was done and said to me. It hurts inside. And, btw, fuck off you shitty perverts who screwed me up online in the first place. Fuck off and rot in goddamn hell like the ass wholes you bitches really are. Don’t make me quit another thing. I hope I explained it sufficiently enough, as I don’t have any other words to explain all of it. #ADHD #PTSD #Vent #Trauma

I am 17 and I think I have did. I know I have a system, there are 24+ of us. I constantly deal with having to controlling my emotions or I'm in trouble and I'm screamed at or ridiculed, I tell my parents what's wrong and I'm playing make believe. When I was younger I had to look after my autistic brother like a 3rd parent, to the point my parents joked about how I'm little mommy. I don't remember much from 8 to 11.

I tried telling my therapist about this and they told me that it's all fake. I just want to know is it? Am I just Imaginative or is this real.

This Thanksgiving sucks. Normally it’s my whole immediate family getting together all day. Well this year, my fiancé, whom I live with, has tested positive for Covid earlier this week. I am luck, so far, in that the tests are coming back negative. I still feel like my body is fighting something but they’re running tests as I MIGHT have a blood infection due to my port. So yeah, if this year could just hurry up and be over that’d be great! I just want some hugs and cuddles and that’s a big no from anyone right now. Anyways, thank you for letting me vent! #Vent #ventsession #Thanksgiving #holidayssuck #ChronicDepression #ChronicIllness #

Lately it doesn't seem to matter how much sleep I get - ya girl just wants to sleep more. It's been pretty busy these past few months and I've been stressing - maybe the upcoming mini vacation will help. #tired #Fatigue #Vent

So i was given the wrong information and help for Ontario Disability Support Program. (In Canada). I was told i needed to have y family doctor fill the forms out. (Which i had problems with & not getting forms back). So i got a phone call this morning. So because I'M with developmental services Ontiaro. So anyone who has a Learning disability will get easy approved with being in that program. Which means i don't have to get the doctor to sign/fill out part of the damn form. Wish i knew that before, So i'll have help on thursday to re-do the forms again. *Yay*. So have you ever had trouble with anything @ given a bloody hard time? Some people do go out of the why to help you. Just so frustrating when you do things the why you are told to. Anyways just needed to vent.

#Depression

I wasn't sure what else to title it (but I still wanted it to have one).

For the longest time, I've had this strange lump on my leg - I don't remember when or how it came to be, either. It started off relatively small (though a bit painful). I never brought it up to my doctors because I had been afraid of them and I figured the lump would go away on it's own. After I got diagnosed with EDS, it got a bit bigger and more painful (but I dismissed it as an EDS thing, cause what else could it be?). It wasn't until last month that I caved and brought it up to my ortho, who checked it out. "HUH. That's interesting." He seemed perplexed - worried, maybe? "Yeah, I have no idea what that is." He ordered an MRI (that's actually coming up next week), and I'm pretty nervous about it. I went through best and worst case scenarios with my husband, and even joked about getting a hamster if it turned out to be a bad thing.

I have PT appointment in two days (apparently I had a few tiny tears in my hip), so that'll be a fun thing to take my mind off of my leg.

#Vent #Anxiety #EhlersDanlosSyndrome