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My disability benefits have been taken away from me again… | TW all caps, swearing, anger, feeling unseen

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Honestly, what the FUCK! I CAN’T FUCKING WORK! What is it that they can’t seem to understand?! My anxiety is a disability, damn it!!!

It’s been 3 FUCKING TIMES ALREADY, 2 FUCKING APPEALS, and I POORED ALL OF MY FUCKING HEART OUT ABOUT WHY I CANNOT FUCKING WORK, THE EMOTIONAL TRAUMA, THE EPISODES OF DEPRESSION, THE FUCKING HYGIENE ISSUES, MY SEVERE SOCIAL GENDER DYSPHORIA AS A NON-BINARY INDIVIDUAL AND AVOIDING MOST SOCIAL SITUATIONS OUT OF THE PURE FEAR OF BEING MISGENDERED, HATE BEING UNDER PRESSURE, HAVING MANY TRIGGERS! I was receiving payment for 3 fucking months, and NOW they’ve decided that my FUCKING STRUGGLES AREN’T ENOUGH?!?!

Honestly fuck everything. I feel like I’ll just never be truly seen by this US government. I’ve only just wasted my fucking time with them, and so really don’t feel like HAVING TO EXPLAIN TO THEM FOR THE 50TH TIME THAT I’M NOT MY BIRTH GENDER AND I AM NOT A BINARY GENDER!

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #MYANXIETYISADISABILITY #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #FeelingIgnored #thissucks #Trauma #angry #disappointment #LGBTQ #Loneliness #sad #Vent #venting

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It’s not like anyone’s going to care, but… | TW invalidated, unintentional exclusionism

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I’m otherkin. I do not identify as a human spiritually. Yes, this is real. Being otherkin is not a pessimistic or degrading identity. It is real, and it is often involuntary. I can’t control how I feel, and I’m okay with that because there’s nothing wrong with it. No, it is not “cringe”, screw cringe culture.

I hate being called human. I hate emotions exclusively being called “human”. I hate being associated with “human”. I hate the idea that emotions exclusively make us “human” because I don’t identify as a human being, and not everyone in a “human”-like body identifies as a human being. It’s act very stressful and invalidating whenever I run into these common ideas and phrases.

It’s why I can’t really read most things mental health-wise. I wish, but I get very dysphoric being called a human 10 times in one article. I understand it may be mostly scientific, but still. I do understand that most of the population is human-identifying, but so are those who are straight, who are cisgender, who are in the gender binary (male or female), and who are monogamous, and groups outside of them often get ignored in articles, too, and I’m outside of those groups as well! It’s so tiring… After (still) grieving over what I wrote in the last post, I don’t need to be called a human constantly.

I apologize if any of this sounds rude. I do not mean so in the slightest. I just wish that us otherkin individuals would be more recognized in society, and the dysphoria sucks…

#rant #otherkin #Vent #MentalHealth #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #stressed #ThisHasBeenNotAGoodDay

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TW SA, R*pe (a), swearing (Rant)

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Please bare in mind that this is a very sensitive topic for me to talk about, and is actually very triggering to me as well.

But I find rapists unforgivable (unless they deeply and genuinely regret it) to where intrusive thoughts (thoughts that I don’t believe in or else I’d be way too harsh) come up. I have never faced physical sexual assault, but it makes me super mad whenever I hear that someone has been raped and that whoever raped them hasn’t even been caught. It’s fucking disgusting!!! 🤬

I just heard this morning that one of my friends’ partner (non-binary) was raped two months ago, likely not even 18 yet.

Rapists should not walk free. They need serious help (no, I actually mean that, like please seek counseling), they need to be put away (no, I don’t just mean jail) until they know how to fucking act right. Fuck rapists!!! Is there anyway I can help to get more of their asses in jail (or just get them caught because I know jails can be discriminatory, unfortunately)??

Edit: And how am I supposed to feel any better from that? I can’t think of a single thing that will make me feel better now…

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MentalHealth #Anxiety #SexualAssault #sa #Rape #Vent #EndSexualAssault #EndRape

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TW AI art generators (I hate them), swearing

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As an artist, I’m so fucking sick of so many fucking companies using AI art generators that steal from others’ work without even any permission from artists. Ever since 2023, it feels that everything on the web’s AI this and AI that. My used-to-be-favorite websites started adding AI generators and became greedy and now I hate them more than ever. All of this talk of AI art is pissing me off. It’s actually pretty triggering to even bring up about this because it’s just so immoral, and seeing big companies like Microsoft and Google going even more south is just… 😡

It’s not just human artists struggling. Otherkin (those who don’t fully identify as human non-physically for various reasons (yes, it’s a real and good-faith identity)) artists exist, too such, as I. So I always tend to get very uncomfortable being called a human throughout all of this.

Is our government even doing shit about this??? This is extremely unfair that so many individuals would now rather shit on artists and use and AI art generators than requesting or do commissions to artists. Yes, I know some commissions are expensive (some too expensive, in my opinion), but some do art as a job and that should be respected!

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #NoToAIArt #MentalHealth #ActualArtist #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #artist #anger #fedup #Vent #otherkin #Art #StopThis

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I want to start a protest.. or at least encourage one | Rant about inflation and ad abuse, TW for some all cap text and mention of parent

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Look. I completely understand that individuals out there need to make money. Especially after that year and event that shall not be named (it’s actually very uncomfortable when the names of worldwide events in 2020 are brought up), but this crap has gotten too far and bigger businesses are taking this for their greedy advantages. And I’m starting to feel like this is just an American thing here.

In my city, no matter where you look, there’s ads. Everywhere. We already had ads on buses, but now ontop of that, we have ads on a whole side of buses. I have to look down like 5 more times than usual just to avoid things that could possibly be triggering.

Google, an already billion dollar company, makes it a big problem for adblockers to work permanently, which is a problem for me because the exact reason I have an ad blocker is mainly to avoid ads that could possibly be triggering and uncomfortable to me, especially when I already deal with anxiety and other specified trauma disorder. And I hear that they’re about to make it even MORE harder, too this year (then again, they said that about last year)…

Some of my favorite websites are now declining their own reputations. One used to have one or two ads that lets you use its content for free, but now there’s literally 6 ADS everytime I go to an character maker page!! It is WAY too distracting to even focus on who I’m making…

Oh, and let’s not forget about inflation rates here being stupidly high. A bottle for allergies, for example. They have different tablet amounts for different prices. My mother bought me the largest amount of pills (100) and said that they used to be a lot cheaper, but now they’re $50. $50??? I couldn’t believe it until I looked on Amazon. $50 for allergy pills??? I get that it’s the highest amount, but 1) none of the other pills are close to that amount, and 2) it’s still a small bottle.. just with a larger amount. I could go on and on about so many other things being affected by how cheaper things used to be…
(Edit: They are now $38 as of March 22, 2024, but what a crazy price to boost up to for a temporary time.. and their list price is literally $49.99)

To those who argue that they just need the money, I get that. It’s not always easy especially if you’re running a smaller business or going solo, this rant is really towards the bigger companies. And to those who are mad at me for using an adblocker, please don’t be mad at me, as I mentioned before, some ads are very triggering for me to see. I will say that if you’re able to handle the ads, then please do go without an adblocker to help support those who need it.

But this has gotten too far. It’s like this American society and the internet is being brainwashed by this whole thing of money. “See this ad, pay this for that, oh guess what this item has a higher price now and you have to pay for it!!” Many big companies and websites are showing their true colors and are becoming more and more greedy as I speak, which is pretty sad. Smaller businesses are struggling because of this. This society has forgotten about the poor and making it much easier for folks/folx to get in poverty, especially for those who are non-white and LGBTQ+ (like me)! I thought we were supposed to be solving these issues, NOT ENCOURAGING THEM!

I want to start a protest. Or at least encourage one, because I don’t think this is right. This shouldn’t be happening as much as it is right now. It’s TOO much. But with anxiety, autism, and a trauma disorder, I’m not a fan of going outside to bring up the message, and social accounts I’ve stopped due to witnessing lots of cyberbullying and just drama nonsense, so I’d rather avoid posting on those sites, either. Is there any other way for me to spread this message, maybe similar to Change.org?

#inflation #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Trauma #Poverty #rant #Vent #Allergies #TooFar #SocietyIsBecomingTooGreedy #MoneyInflation #AmericanProblems #Protest #ThisIsNotRight #Capitalism #money

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TW hopeless, exclusionism, swearing, vent

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What’s the point of being here?
This world just hates anybody who is different. Why am I here? I don’t want to be here… I want my old home. This planet was never my home. I don’t want this home. It just hates anybody who is different. This “home” was meant to put me and others in misery. This “home” was meant to make us feel ignored. I didn’t deserve this shit. There’s absolutely no community in this world that I feel completely safe in anymore, including the LGBTQIA+ community with all of the constant bullshit gatekeeping and invalidation. I’ve given up on any form of social media a year ago (I guess except here) - it’s just always filled with drama.

I don’t want to be born here. Not in this sad place. I hate it here. Why was I born here?!?!

I’m trans nonbinary, I’m black, I’m overweighted, I’m non-romantically polyamorous, I’m nonhuman (aka I hate being called human, not in a pessimist way, just self-identification for personal reasons), I’m on both aromantic and asexual spectrums. I have plenty of triggers thanks to trauma and honestly how stupidly problematic some individuals can be. And I do not want to be on this stupid planet any longer. Sometimes I wonder if being dead would be worth it, honestly, if it would solve my problems. I’m trying to keep going, but I just cannot fucking stand this world. It feels so fucking hopeless at this point: I swear, one more cyber-bullying raid online, one more transphobic political bill, one more misusing autistic as “weird” or “quirky”, one more misuse of the word “triggered”….

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MentalHealth #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #SocialAnxiety #LGBTQ #Exclusionism #Vent #Trauma #triggerwarning #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #hopeless

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Valentine advertisements are the worst /vneg | TW exclusionism/amatonormativity, some all caps, almost breaking something

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I freaking HATE them, especially if you’re in a non-monogamous non-romantic relationship (but NOT FRIENDS). They are meant to be love-exclusive, heteronormative, and monogamy-exclusive as much as they possibly can and it makes me sick and drives me crazy to the point where I almost broke my computer screen this morning because of seeing another stupid advertisement (no worries, it’s fine)! I hate the alternative title “Single awareness day” because it further proves the belief that Valentines is “oh so romantic” and plus while many single individuals don’t really care, some are making themselves and others feel bad because of the standard belief of “being in a relationship” when they are valid with OR without a partner(s).

Valentine’s Day does NOT have to be a romantic holiday. Plus, not every experiences love, whether that be romantic, platonic, familial, or whatever. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be for everyone because it isn’t even FOR everyone, so society needs to STOP PUSHING IT DOWN OUR THROATS AND LEAVE US THE FRICK ALONE!

#Anxiety #anger #ValentinesDay #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #SocialAnxiety #valentine #Love #DearSociety #Stress #Polyamory #Vent #StopThis #Exclusionism #amatonormativity #LGBTQ

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How to even have more faith in society? | TW mentions of exclusionism, some swearing, some all caps

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I'm LGBTQ+. I'm transmasc non-binary. I'm otherkin (not human). I'm Black. I have autism (please don't call my autism a disorder/disability/syndrome) and anxiety, and someone with trauma. I cry very easily. I am overweight. I am a part of a plural/collective. I am non-romantically polyamorous. And every damn day, I feel like this world called society is just here to for the sole purpose to shit on others, betray others, or just to secretly judge others, including me.

Every day, it is getting much harder and harder to believe that there is a single damn individual out there (other than my current therapist, all of my partners, my dad, and a few friends) who has common sense, is open-hearted, is open-minded, and doesn't like to discriminate or invalidate others for being different or for experiencing different things, or labeling themselves differently. Sometimes, the anxiety gets to the point where it seems like going out is stupid for me. What's the point?

It's like almost every damn community I've been a part of (and left) and witnessed just LOVES to INVALIDATE OTHERS SOMEHOW?! It's so annoying and stupid and it's just like... why can't you just fucking accept someone for who they are??? All of this just makes me so fucking angry and just...!!

...Sigh. Now that that's off my chest... may I ask for advice on how to go about this? I already currently seeing a therapist, luckily. Right now, it is very very hard for me to get off this mindset because I believe it's true, sadly.. this society and all of other individuals' opinions is tearing me apart..

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MentalHealth #helpme #Vent #venting #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #SocialAnxietyDisorder #anger #help #Society #Advice #triggerwarning #Neurodiversity #LGBTQIA #plural #otherkin

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I’m scared and done with this society… does anyone even care…? | TW mentions of police, family, swearing, some all caps, possibly ableism?

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Being autistic feels like a fucking crime these days.

I was staying at a hotel because was about to lose my fucking mind staying at home with my youngest nephew making a lot a noise constantly throughout the day. What my dad said earlier about check-out, I’ve misinterpreted, but he fully apologized and takes full responsibility as he should’ve made it clearer.

I was getting ready to check-out, but it was an hour later because I was getting ready to check-out. Security came to my door and said that I needed to come out, and I told them that I was just getting ready to leave. Packing as fast as I possibly could, they came back again and threatened to call the police on me if I didn’t get out of there soon. I literally told them that I was packing as fast as I could and that I had an appointment an hour after the check up time (and I couldn’t reschedule or else my mom would have to pay over $100 for canceling ,and I didn’t want to do that to her!) … and of course they did care about that last part.

Pissed off, I left the hotel in tears and placed the card keys at express check out. I wanted to complain, but I didn’t bother because I was just so mad and honestly scared for my life.

My dad told me that the police part is just something they say to get others out. If this is a fucking neurotypical norm, I want to let you know: 1) I HATE being pressured or someone trying to rush me and 2) I HATE being FUCKING THREATENED, especially regarding something TO DO WITH THE POLICE! Are you kidding me?!?!

Society SERIOUSLY needs to know how traumatizing and/or stressful that is to hear for neurodivergent individuals who 1) completely misinterpreted what check-out restrictions mean, 2) are trying their fucking hardest to do something in time, and 3) LITERALLY MEAN NO FUCKING HARM!!!!!!!

Now, I’m fucking scared to even go outside anymore. I feel like society just doesn’t want me. I feel like society just sees me as a criminal, or just sees my autism as criminalistic.

I know I was overstimulated earlier with my younger nephew, but I’d rather deal with this and possibly lose my mind than be FUCKING THREATENED TO HAVE THE POLICE ONTO ME!

#IsThisAbleism #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #NeurotypicalNorms #StopThis #Police #overstimulated #Norms #scared #Stress #Society #venting #Vent #triggerwarning #MentalHealth #Ableism

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Emotionally exhausted and need to #Vent

It’s been a rough six months since I found out I was pregnant.
I wrecked my favorite car in a snowstorm and it was unsalvageable was a gift from my dad before he untimely passed. Moved in with my significant other who doesn't want me to work during pregnancy (which I'm fine with) and quit my longtime job so I miss my friends and feeling like I'm good at something. Was told by my therapist she could no longer provide me services so I was off my meds for a couple of months until my ob-gyn gave me the clear to restart them. This was an unplanned pregnancy and I was not ready for the hormones to quite effectively turn my brain into an emotional mush. And I'm still dealing with the grief of the death of my best friend that happened a little over a year ago. During the first few months of pregnancy, I was a wreck my environment was new and I wasn't working and I was always always always exhausted and emotional. I was basically a couch potato and had absolutely no motivation for anything I isolated myself a bit and felt very scared and alone. Scared to be a mom really, I wasn't sure I was capable of it and it riddled me with anxiety. My depression got worse and it was hard for me to take care of myself. Simple things like washing my face, finding something to eat, and showering felt so incredibly taxing. Since restarting my meds I have gotten a lot better and a lot of my energy has returned but I still feel like I need lots of rest. I try to get outside a few times a week and that helps. I am starting to feel pretty good about myself and I'm trying to restart my self-care and begin light stretching and working out. However, there are certain individuals who don't seem to believe in me. They keep worrying about me hurting myself or the baby when I have never shown signs of that. Even in the bouts of my depression all I did was cry. I never spiraled so far into myself to cause such alarm and it's hurtful. But I know they are only projecting their own past traumas onto me I just wish they weren't coming from a place of fear all the time and saw how far I've come from being an emotional wreck. And it's also hurtful for them to constantly tell me how bad I'm “probably going to get” after the baby is born. I'm doing everything in my power to take control of my mental health and the people who truly know me see that and aren't worried at all and I do love their support. I just wish I was getting more encouragement than all this fearful negative talk from the others I'm close to. I'm not naive I'm aware having a baby is hard but I believe in myself to know when to ask for help and keep me and the baby safe. I'm doing my best to help out around the house more and try to cook for myself so I'm not a burden or called lazy. I'm trying to stretch more and be active. But as soon as I have a hard fatigue day or days it seems like all that work is thrown out the window and they're worried about me again. And it's hard for me to stay strong with all this lack of faith in me. But I am trying. I am trying so hard. They keep pressuring me to find a hobby or play video games when I just do not have the energy for it.
I am doing just fine with getting outdoors, spending time with my family, and having meditation. I am aware of what's good for my mental health right now. And I wish they would just respect that. It's exhausting being asked all the time to play video games when I've communicated I don't have the energy for it right now. And I don't appreciate the guilt trips about it. I haven't played video games for seven years and this really isn't the best time to start my mind is always tired and I constantly forget things. I'm still struggling with depression and honestly, that has a lot to do with my lack of motivation. And it's not fair for them to constantly overlook that because “why would I be depressed”? It's not fair for them to say “what reason do you have to be tired” when I explain my emotional exhaustion. It makes me feel like maybe I'm just being selfish and need to try harder. But for the sake of my mental health I need to rest when I am tired and relax when my anxiety starts going and I just wish someone understood and didn't make me feel so guilty for being pregnant.
Tonight these thoughts are weighing on me as Im trying to make a plan to do better I just wanna be a good mom.
I'm going to keep trying. Keep doing my best despite the lack of faith that often surrounds me. And that in itself is hard but it's not just about me anymore and that is the only thing motivating me right now.

Anyway thanks for listening to my rant.
Please send good vibes and may all of you be well and staying strong in your own silent battles.

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