Join the Conversation on
1.1K people
0 stories
66 posts
Note: The hashtags you follow are publicly viewable on your profile; you can change this at any time.
  • Explore Our Newsletters
  • What's New in
    See full photo

    Shopping Addiction. When #Shopping is beyond #retailtherapy and Breaks the Bank 👀

    This cat in the image gives me the face I make when my husband sees me reaching for something to put in the cart and tells me to put it back. I feel like I am so wrong or about to do something that will #hurt me. When things are #Wrong or #IAmStruggling it doesn't feel like I have #power . I feel #powerless .

    #shoppingaddiction is real. My mother has it worse than me right now, whereas I have people telling me "No!" And "Put it Back!" Holding me accountable. It still feels hurtful.

    I no longer go to stores just to "Look." I cannot go to a store just to "Look around." Especially an issue if I see something and cannot buy it. We are all experiencing some kind of #financial issues. #Medicine is so dang expensive, and that often causes us to fall into a pit. I do not know what to do, but I have been trying things other than talk #Therapy .

    I decided to click online "Add to Cart" or "Add to Wishlist." This is common for websites like Amazon or Bath & Body Works. Especially now that the Christmas season is here.. I see things I want to #Buy for other people, or things I want for the #home or for #Myself . It feels #bad .

    Have you experienced #shoppingaddiction ?

    If so, what do you do?

    I need #Advice .


    A want to move on..

    My last post about being rooted in the past, is still speaking to me. For some reason I feel a drive to move from my current town and home that I’ve known for 36 years! It won’t be easy, moving all our possessions and uprooting to the East Coast of the U.S. I’ve lived in the East though, for 19 years of my life. I’m quite certain I could do it again. My husband says he’s ok with it. He’s someone who grew up in California. Really, he vacillates on moving..I dislike the changes that have happened in our neighborhood..More ADU’s more traffic, people not taking care of property, people infringing on our property..I know there would be a whole set of new things to get use to in a new place, but Hopefully, overall it would be a change for the better. I’d like to be closer to my children (-even though one has written us off!) I’m just antsy for a new start, a new beginning, some where else..I could do this! My husband, not really. He’s too rigid in his ways, even though he’d move for me, he just can’t step outside the box or color outside the lines…#PTSD #change #Comfort married to a non-practicing alcoholic still causes #confrontation #freedom need a #New way, a new place to call #home I just feel I need this before I’m too old…


    Unwanted #Family Contact

    I have been avoiding contact with nearly all family members for the past couple years in order to better cope with my mental health challenges.

    I got an email from my mom a few days ago saying she and dad would be in town today and would like to "repair our relationship". So that email had me feeling suffocated and trapped and even a bit angry. It got me planning out how to pretend no one was home in my apartment so that if they stopped by without notice, they would accept that I wasn't here and just leave.

    So, yesterday, I decided that I would try being brave and open my blinds (which I rarely do in general) since my parents wouldn't be in town yet. About an hour after this decision, I had a knock on my door. I thought it was my landlord, so I did open the door. Instead, it was my mom's cousin. She is around 70 years of age and her mother just passed away in the spring (I have previously written about that funeral). She was standing at my door holding a huge bouquet of flowers and a white bag. Note that I have never given her my address (on purpose), so she has to have gotten my address from my mom.

    Anyway, so she gives me the bouquet and the bag of veggies from her garden and asks several times if I'm ok. Then she invited me on a walk in a nearby park, but I declined because I was in my pajamas (and because I absolutely did not want to go). So then she offered to wait while I got changed. I declined again, and then she asked me to drop by and visit her any time.

    As soon as she left, I viciously shut my blinds and felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt sick to my stomach and my mind started racing with the likely fall-out of this visit, especially how it would likely embolden my parents to force their way into my life. Now it's a day later and I'm dealing with acid reflux due to the anxiety.

    Is it so much to ask for my wishes to be respected? Situations like this make my fantasy of running away and changing my name feel more and more like a good option.

    #Family #Relationships #Parents #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Respect #Trauma #home



    Nothing beats getting home and putting on a pair of joggers and a comfy top after being all dressed up for the day. Might take a nap too 🙊 #Depression #Anxiety #Pregnancy #home


    Not cleaning my apartment is keeping me alive #SuicidalIdeation

    A few weeks ago, I shared with my therapist that I was feeling a lot of shame about the state of my apartment. If I'm doing well, I clean the bathroom once a month. I am usually somewhat tidy in the kitchen. The rest of the apartment is a mess. My landlords don't provide recycling facilities and I can't bring myself to put my recycling items in the garbage so they just pile up. I have bags of non-perishable groceries sitting in the middle of the entryway from three weeks ago because I just haven't cared to put them away.
    So as I cried about how ashamed I was about my apartment in my therapist's office, she asked if having a messy apartment was helping me in any way. Frankly, I thought that was a stupid question and told her that of course it wasn't.
    However, I had the realization a few days ago that it is actually something that a part of me is doing to keep me from ending my life. I would feel so terrible for someone to have to clean up my apartment after I was gone. By keeping it dirty and messy, I am also keeping myself alive.
    I definitely have a significant battle between the part of me that feels ashamed in the present and the protective part of me that is stopping me from cleaning up, but it is really good to know that it might actually be a good thing to have a dirty apartment.

    #tenant #apartment #home #Cleaning #SuicidalIdeation #MentalHealth #Therapy #Depression #Anxiety #CPTSD #Shame

    See full photo

    Going home #Depression #Anxiety #Hope #OpenHeartSurgery #Relationships #home #Suicide #MentalHealth

    After 5 weeks of hospital I am going home. I am so excited. Home, a place where you can let your guard down, enjoy familiar settings and spend time with people who know you better than anyone else.

    It still amazes me that 3 years ago I begged God to give me a fatal heart attack. When he didn’t I took matters into my own hand and attempted suicide.

    Now after having major heart surgery I have been in the same hospital I was admitted to after the suicide attempt. Today I am grateful to have survived the heart surgery and grateful to be going home.


    How do you keep your household going with multiple illnesses and only 1 other member in the house?

    If I rest nothing runs smooth and if I don't rest, I run out of energy or the nerve pain gets too intense.
    #chronic pain, # multiple health challenges #Pain , #home , #Sarcoidosis , #Cataracts

    See full photo

    Maybe this is just how life is...

    I've been back in my home country for two years. When I was planning my return, I made a plan to stay here for two years before going abroad again because that seemed like a reasonable length of time in which to access mental health supports and save up some money.

    In reality, I feel like I'm in exactly the same place I was two years ago - no further ahead and with no vision for the future. Is this just what I should expect of my life moving forward?

    I'm not in crisis, so I need to just deal with the trauma, depression, and anxiety as everyday parts of life. Just keep working part time because I'll never get back to a point of being able to work full time without crashing. Just stay isolated and avoid triggers as much as possible so that I can cope well enough to be able to keep my part time job. Just accept that I'll never be able to cope with a romantic relationship or being a parent. Just go to work, come home and sleep for 10-12 hours, and then go back to work. Just keep feeling disconnected from my self. Just continue being unable to find effective therapy or medication to treat my mental health needs.

    It just feels like all the effort I've been putting in has had no result and it's hard to want to keep trying.

    #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #EmotionalAbuse #Relationships #home #tired #CheckInWithMe

    See full photo

    Going home #Depression #MentalHealth #Hospital #Healing #home #Anxiety #PTSD #Relationships #Hope

    After 17 days in hospital I am finally going home. I probably underestimated how much pain would be involved with a total knee replacement. The pain meds take the edge off it and at least this pain is time limited.

    I am learning how to walk again and have even learned how to self administer anti clotting injections.

    I will have twice weekly outpatient treatment for months but the worst is over. Being in hospital so long has strained my mental health but I am sure going home will fix that. In a strange way I am happy.