borderlinepersonalitydosorder

Hi guys! I’m new here and have already found so many relatable topics. I’m having a rough time communicating to my husband and family that I need time home to reflect on every horrible, HORRIBLE situation I’ve put myself in and work on getting some control over my emotions and responses to those emotions. I’m moving slow in this process because I’m really paying attention to my thoughts/emotions and I really am becoming more self aware and craving the feeling of growth and accomplishment. However, there is so much more to this than becoming self aware and taking accountability for impulsive actions triggered by such intense emotions. I was at the same job for 7 years so I know me being home now is of course concerning to him because we have never been in this situation before. He is patient with me and I know it’s very hard to understand what I go through. I just need to figure out how to make him understand that this is crucial and on top of it, it’s exhausting! I’m drained after sitting there evaluating things, looking at myself and saying yes, you did cause a lot of pain to the people you love and to yourself. Then you factor in anxiety and all the negative thoughts about how this isnt how you contribute to your family and every worst case scenario possible. Ive never been afraid like this. I am afraid of myself because I never know what I may do to myself or who I’ll be when I wake up in the morning so I’m just trying to get a hold on this and figure it out but I feel it’s going to take a lot of time and I just need my family to understand this. #borderlinepersonalitydosorder #Anxiety #Guilt #Depression #atwarwithmyself

Arguing continues... as I can't figure out the words exactly for what's been bothering me. I guess that's one of the #bpdsymptoms . Just asking my husband why he can't offer to watch our baby a few hours each week so I can focus on some hobbies. he says your home all day and the baby doesn't need held all the time. A new mom and friend of ours works from home right now because of the quarantine. My husband asks, "How does she work from home, have a baby and still get things done?" The unspoken words are that I don't do enough as a wife especially since I'm a stay at home mom... glad it took me getting depressed and starting an argument for him to admit it. I feel like something just died in me.  #SuicideIdeation #majoredepressivedisorder #Borderlinerelationships #borderlinepersonalitydosorder

Ok. Before I start, let me say that I am in no way, shape, or form judgmental of anyone, especially for how they look. I am a thinner Caucasian female. 5’7” and 155 lbs. It might sound a lot but I carry my weight odd so I appear skinny. I also don’t have any boobs. I never used to care about stuff like this. I always just figured oh well, this is what I have, and you either take it or leave it cause it’s not gonna change. After 2 verbally and physically abusive relationships, I’m now with another guy. We are fine except for the fact that he doesn’t understand nor care to understand my disorders and hates when I’m “negative” or having a depression episode, etc. His two exes before me were both chunky girls with boobs. The girls he used to talk to and like pictures of on fb are chunky girls with big boobs. That was before me, but I can’t help but think that I don’t have what satisfies him. I don’t like myself and he isn’t the type I can tell that to without him flipping out and not want to talk about it, so I don’t know what to do to get myself through this. I never had a problem being on the tinier asset side. But how I feel like I’m not good enough in his eyes. Like I said, I never felt like this before especially not to this extreme so please don’t be harsh with your words.

In my town, I feel like my generation of guys (20s-30s) only want thicker women. That’s not a problem. Except I don’t fit into that category.

Ok. Before I start, let me say that I am in no way, shape, or form judgmental of anyone, especially for how they look. I am a thinner Caucasian female. 5’7” and 155 lbs. It might sound a lot but I carry my weight odd so I appear skinny. I also don’t have any boobs. I never used to care about stuff like this. I always just figured oh well, this is what I have, and you either take it or leave it cause it’s not gonna change. After 2 verbally and physically abusive relationships, I’m now with another guy. We are fine except for the fact that he doesn’t understand nor care to understand my disorders and hates when I’m “negative” or having a depression episode, etc. His two exes before me were both chunky girls with boobs. The girls he used to talk to and like pictures of on fb are chunky girls with big boobs. That was before me, but I can’t help but think that I don’t have what satisfies him. I don’t like myself and he isn’t the type I can tell that to without him flipping out and not want to talk about it, so I don’t know what to do to get myself through this. I never had a problem being on the tinier asset side. But how I feel like I’m not good enough in his eyes. Like I said, I never felt like this before especially not to this extreme so please don’t be harsh with your words.

In my town, I feel like my generation of guys (20s-30s) only want thicker women. That’s not a problem. Except I don’t fit into that category.

What are some tips for coping on days where when you get up you feel tired, low energy, unmotivated etc when you have to go to work. How do you get through the day when you feel like this?