narcissistabuse

I have struggled with suicide ideation off and on for the past 20 years. It doesn’t happen every month of every year . The same goes for waves of low points and during those low points thoughts can be very dark. I don’t know if any of you dissociate for no reason even when you’re not under stress. For me, it happens randomly, and I feel like I am observing myself just go through the motions. Do any of you relate?

Why did you decided to pick fights over done laundry? Or when you broke up with the women you just married, and tried to leave the hospital with out her? Or when your ruined her 40th birthday? You left her broken after she did everything she could to keep you alive. She loved you so much and discarded her like trash. Then, you chose to make up lies about her. You are a narcissist who used her. You told her "I only married you because I thought I was going to die". That is a horrible thing to do to a person who truly did love you. It shattered her heart. She has no want to try to love again.

How can you claim "Teach with love" when you physically restrained her and screamed "LEARN TO EAT SHIT!" in her face. You are such a narcissistic control freak.

What about the time your daughter was asking you to be a better Mom, like her deceased Step-mom. Your response to your daughter "Well, look how that turned out for her!" You were purposely spiteful.

Why did you choose to replace a woman who wanted to do better, and be better? You choose your X (who you are never going to divorce now). Your X went to jail for domestic violence and now you want her back in your life. Why do you lie to yourself and the ones who want to love you? You punish them because you cannot love your self. Why can't you love yourself?

You put up a false narrative to everyone here. You choose to be a victim in your life. (Your health issues are real, you just treat the people who love you horribly)

You claim everyone leaves you. No one left. Each of us had to put up a wall to protect ourselves from you and your anger.
#narcissistabuse
#I am not okay
#Depression

I just made the realization a few days ago that because of my healing journey from narcissist abuse, I kind of see my life ahead of me as a “clear, open road”. Not in a sense where I don’t know what to do next, but in a way that I can explore my options with what I want to do next and not be overly concerned with the “outside voices “. I’m beginning to feel grateful for the rejections I went through with people of my past. It really does feel like I’m growing up and starting over at the same time because I just now realized that I missed out on a lot over the years, but I feel that I am in a different place from the road that I felt that I was supposed to be on. The ptsd aspect has been on the uptick recently which is strange. I’ve been having multiple ptsd nightmares and on Saturday, something was said that made my whole body just tighten up. Hopefully, I’ll have an appointment with a therapist soon because I still have a lot of questions. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #CPTSD #Nightmares #Healing #narcissistabuse

I am at a loss. I live with my son (18) and his gf (17). I am on disability due to mental and physical illness and feel like I am trapped in hell. I stay in my room and she still verbally attacks me. I stood up for myself tonight and she had my son turn off the power in my room. She calls me a bad mother, lazy, irresponsible, abusive and a pushover. My son won’t leave or stand up for me. She tells people I don’t pay rent and eat all her food which is a complete lie. She is only nice to me when she needs something. She has a 9 month old that I fell in love with and to ‘punish me’ she won’t let me near him. I am almost 50 and have been on my own since I was 18. I have worked a stable job for 31 years and only recently gone on disability. I pay my bills (as much as I can on my limited income) and do not sponge off anyone…ever. This girl is a master manipulator, a professional victim at 17. At my lowest, she attacks where it hurts the most. I have to get out. Anyone out there experience this? #narcissistabuse

Hi I'm new here. 👋
#PNSD #PTSD #CPTSD #MajorDepression #SeasonalAffectiveDisorder #SeasonalDepression #generalizedanxiety #Childhoodtrauma #ChildhoodAbuse #NF #NM #narcissistabuse #complextrauma #traumasurvivor

My ten-year-old dog had been very ill the last few months before I made the move to live with my parents, and two weeks before I moved, he died in my arms. I was devastated. My parents and oldest brother rushed down to be with me, for the day, and arrange to bury him.
After making the move to my new town, I was Baker Acted twice within a month. The second time, I was put in an excellent psychiatric hospital, where for the first time in my life, they treated me, instead of just housing me. I was reassessed and re-diagnosed with numerous mental illnesses, PTSD, and several personality disorders. I was overwhelmed, but at the same time very hopeful to finally KNOW what was wrong with me and slowly started learning how I could be treated, I started working on myself, and having hope that I was capable of having a meaningful life.
I was in the hospital 19 days. Upon release, I again became unstable, but with my team, who I kept thanks to zoom, and because of the support of my family, I was determined not to give up.
My story is ever evolving, but my purpose for writing it was to say I’m still here. I was in a long term relationship with a narcissist. I was totally isolated and dependent. I was able to gain the courage to leave. I’ve had a very rocky time the last year. I have had to go on food stamps, go to food pantries to ensure I have enough food to eat, I’ve been in need of soup kitchen’s at times. I buy a few clothes here and there at thrift stores. I don’t have my own transportation for the first time since I was 16-years-old, but I am here. I am a stronger person than I ever knew. I have the strongest team and supporting people in my life than I ever could have dreamed for. I have found resources on zoom which have helped me immensely, including staying in close touch with my religious group back where I lived, and gaining new very supportive and selfless people in my life through my SKY meditation class. The SKY meditation program and the Art of Living Foundation with Guradev Sri Sri Shankar’s guidance has proven to be a game changer. Right now, I still am struggling terribly, with my illnesses, my emotional landscape, and my not yet regulated emotions. I get severely depressed and “feel” hopeless. I have intrusive thoughts and images. I have nightmares. I finally feel I am at a turning point. I am starting to trust people. I am reaching out for help. The LEOS are my friends, and go way beyond their job description to aid me both in living and in my recovery. My team never quits. My family loves me. I am in the process getting a service dog as I am on waiting list. I am currently still unstable, but I feel a definite shift. I can’t say I’ll never be baker acted again, because of the nature and severity of my illnesses, but I can say that I believe radical change for the better is about to take place. I should say, radical change is already taking place, but the path to success definitely has peaks and valleys up the mountain, but UP!