Why did you decided to pick fights over done laundry? Or when you broke up with the women you just married, and tried to leave the hospital with out her? Or when your ruined her 40th birthday? You left her broken after she did everything she could to keep you alive. She loved you so much and discarded her like trash. Then, you chose to make up lies about her. You are a narcissist who used her. You told her "I only married you because I thought I was going to die". That is a horrible thing to do to a person who truly did love you. It shattered her heart. She has no want to try to love again.
How can you claim "Teach with love" when you physically restrained her and screamed "LEARN TO EAT SHIT!" in her face. You are such a narcissistic control freak.
What about the time your daughter was asking you to be a better Mom, like her deceased Step-mom. Your response to your daughter "Well, look how that turned out for her!" You were purposely spiteful.
Why did you choose to replace a woman who wanted to do better, and be better? You choose your X (who you are never going to divorce now). Your X went to jail for domestic violence and now you want her back in your life. Why do you lie to yourself and the ones who want to love you? You punish them because you cannot love your self. Why can't you love yourself?
You put up a false narrative to everyone here. You choose to be a victim in your life. (Your health issues are real, you just treat the people who love you horribly)