I'm sort of functioning borderline and my bf is full blown borderline but in treatment. His recent trauma made it worse . We are identical in stuff which helps. We have the same traits but the opposite ones where it compliments.
Usually, but he was falling for me, saying he was terrified; I didn't know his diagnosis only "issues" - didn't know what "I'm terrified" meant. I overwhelmed him trying to talk to him and he broke up over text. I told him I agree and he flipped out and now won't talk to me ever again. I'm blocked and basically pure evil... Do I reach out and reassure him or wait?
If I don’t laugh I’ll cry. I go full blown borderline rage often though, little things set me off. This page has helped me so much it’s unreal.. BPD is the worst- I think I’d rather have bi polar to be honest- at least there is medicine for that, there is NOTHING for BPD. And there is such a negative stigma around it like we are suicidal homicidal stalker maniacs and we are not. We just have trouble regulating our emotions and it spurs from childhood trauma and abuse, which I had more of than I’d like to admit. I could blame it on one person but truthfully it was a handful of people except my mom. She tried to bandaid the damage they were causing but the cuts were too deep. The damage was done and I never thought this would affect me like this as a adult, but it did and now my poor husband, kids, friends and family have to understand it order to understand me. It’s unfortunate but every day is a battle because I don’t know who I’m going to be for that day. Normal? Borderline raging? Afraid of abandonment? Scared of death? Clean-a-holic? Angry for no reason? Crying for no reason? It’s like playing Russian roulette. I’d say 60% I’m normal maybe more. But it makes me afraid for the next day. And the next and the next. That fear eats me alive. I just want to go to sleep without fear of SUDEP (Sudden Unexpected Death during Epilepsy) and fear of the next day and wake up without the same fear. That would be fantastic. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder#BorderlineRage
Breaking up while having BPD or Emotional Instability
I’m having the hardest time getting over a breakup right now. I feel that I can’t live without him and I’ll regret losing him for the rest of my life. We were engaged and recently even had our families meet up and everything was going great. We talked so long about getting married, having children and growing old together. We’d also done so much together travelling the world and lived together. Until shortly after we decided to break up. Or rather he did. I was diagnosed with BPD during our relationship and was in line for DBT treatment. But my rages (lashing out, throwing things, shoving him, scratching him, yelling at him, spying at him on his phone...), impulses, self harming and uncontrollable jealousy throughout our relationship have pushed him to his limits that he doesn’t have anything to do with me anymore. I understand him, I’m a destruction to everyone close to me.
I’ve spoken to therapists (professionals), family and friends who all tell me to move on, focus on myself and that time will heal. I need to focus on being better. But it’s been weeks and months and my entire existence is fighting to get him back and be with him. The thought that I’ll never get him back, I’ll never see or hear him again makes me want to stab myself to numb the pain and the sadness. I haven’t reached out to him or anything but I miss him. But then I think that he’s already moved on and he’s happier and relieved to be rid of me. It makes me hate myself even more and want to stab myself. I can’t seem to get any closure and let go. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder#BorderlineRage#Borderlinerelationships
Little triggers turn me in to a completely different person. I admit that I am Satan when I am in a rage and I cannot stop even though I recognize I need to. I wish that I could stop it. I have lost everyone in my life because of this: no one is capable of loving me and everyone has left me. I am alone and it is my fault. #BorderlineRage
How do I tell the Prosecutors that it’s not only him. That this is not the Same thing as Abuse/ Assault. (He’s plead guilty to 2 Domestic & is now facing a 3rd FELONY charge on No Contact) -got picked up NewYears -We had matching outfits adorned w/ Christmas Tinsel-
He can’t walk away He can’t I grab I pull and rip. I wrap my arms and legs around him like a Crazy, Drowning, Monkey.
It happens without warning; my heart begins to palpitate so fast and I can feel my entire body seem to wrap in a blanket of heat. Not the warm, comforting kind, but the type that makes you feel like your skin is clingfoil and you just want to tear yourself out of it. I didn't know that what I was experiencing was borderline rage until much later. #BorderlineRage#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder#BorderlineThoughts