Hi! I like to write poetry and especially spoken word poetry because it helps with communicating how I feel. This is a spoken word piece about my depression:
My Depression Writes Me a Letter
I open it.
In it, I note that there are listed 12 reasons to hate myself, and 13 things I am currently doing wrong.
In the letter my depression has written anecdotes about embarrassing moments in my life, and I read them all, slowly, making sure I am embarassed by them.
I feel uncomfortable, but I can’t stop reading. It's like watching a car crash, I can’t look away.
In the letter there are 3 sketches.
They show me in various unflattering poses which only show off my bad features.
So in other words, you can see all my scars, my stretch marks, my stomach, how skinny I am, and how yellow my teeth are.
What you can’t see are my favourite parts of me. My nose, eyes, shoulders, legs, the shape of my jaw, anything I like about my body is not visible.
It is uncomfortable looking at those sketches, but again, I can’t look away. I fixate on them, take them to heart, and only then do I move on.
See, this letter is not to make me hate myself, no.
My depression knows I already hate myself, it just needs to...confirm it every once in a while.
And I don’t actually have issues with my body image. Which may confuse you because I just listed things I hate about my body, but notice how I only listed the parts of my body that have been affected by my illnesses?
I don’t have body image issues, I have body issues.
Its like having daddy issues, but with my body and way more complicated.
I hate my scars because they are a daily reminder painted across my healed body that I am still traumatised. I hate my stretch marks and my stomach and my yellow teeth because they are a physical reminder of how irresponsible I am concerning my health. I hate how skinny I am because it reminds me of my disordered eating habits, even when I’m not eating.
So. My depression writes me a letter. I read it. Because I know what it contains and I know it can’t hurt me anymore than I’ve already hurt myself.
#Depression #Poetry #MightyPoets #CongenitalHeartDefectDisease #chdwarriors