open heart surgery

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Grief, Struggles, Depression (Wash Cycle Doesn’t End)

I started my #Recovery journey in 2014 and I found a new way of life immediately. No one warned me the NEW was NEW Chapters of Life, Chapters which would not finish before the next starts….
In 2014 I had to have a #lumpectomy from my right #breast .
In the beginning of 2015 I was served #Divorce papers. By the end of the year we reconciled.
In 2016 when I should be excited my eldest is graduating from High School, simultaneously my second born had to have #OpenHeartSurgery .
In 2017 second born lost his first grandmother and I got to fly him from CA to ME to see her take her last breath.
In 2019 I was the proud #homeowner with my #husband of 10 years. We were finally making the #americandream .
In April 2020 I get a phonecall my father has had a #brainstemstroke I had to come home to Maine to assist with #lifeendingchoices .
In May 2020 my Mother is diagnosed with #OvarianCancer .
I am now temporarily living with my mother, being a #Caregiver , yet my #husband #mycaregiver #Abandoned me and then requested to take #fullcustody of #ourdaughter via the #Divorce .
In July 2021 my Mother sadly passed away. I have become an #Orphan too quickly. #Grief and #Depression is all too real now.
In March 2022, My second son has now come down sick. Doctors spend months trying to figure out why. It takes until July 2022 to diagnose him with #Sepsis #Endocarditis he spends 2 weeks #hospitalized and another 8 weeks on a #PiccLine at home.
In Dec 2022 he is given a clean bill of health and decides to come live with me in #Maine .
In Feb 2023 he starts to become tired easily, slight cough, and finally passed out in March.
March 10th he passed out at home. We called #911 and the #localer #Misdiagnosed him.
March 13th I took him to #mainemedicalcenter where he was hospitalized for 7 days with #Pneumonia and possible #Endocarditis where he was then transferred to #boston .
March 19th upon arriving to #brighamwomanhospital - #shapirocardiovascularcenter he underwent dozens more blood testing, procedures, exams, etc.
Today March 27th he is having #OpenHeartSurgery Number 2 to replace the pulmonary valve, pulmonary conduit, remove large vegetation.
In a couple of days as scheduled I am also supposed to exchange visitation with my daughter so I can visit with her for Spring Vacation. However my ex is trying to knit pick about my schedule and if I have ample time to spend with our daughter while my adult son is in ICU. Our daughter is 11 years old.
I really feel in the last multiple years I have had one catastrophic event after another without time to process.
I have other things like major moves, loss of therapists, and other medical mental health issues. I am so exhausted today scared sick for my son.
I am so annoyed how some people enjoy kicking others while they are down.
I don’t even know when I am going to sleep again right now. I have so many thoughts, concerns, to do’s in my head - I can’t sleep it is going to drive me crazy.
I am so sick of being in a chapter book that doesn’t let the chapters end.

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Unlucky? I don’t think so. #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #Relationships #Hope #OpenHeartSurgery #MentalHealth

Yesterday I had to see my cardiologist urgently because of new symptoms following my recent triple heart bypass. It seems only an adjustment to medication is needed and surgery in 4-5 years.

He said to me, “I am not going to bill you for today because you are the unluckiest person in the world “.

He was referring to my recent open heart surgery and then recently suffering compartment syndrome. Now it’s true I had to spend an extra 2 weeks in hospital after complications with the heart surgery. And it’s true that the compartment syndrome has and still is very painful.

However, him not billing me saved me $400, that’s lucky. My heart condition was picked up in a routine exam. The first symptom is often a fatal heart attack. That’s lucky.

If my doctor had not insisted I go straight to hospital and not delay until the following morning there was a high likelihood I would have had my leg amputated. That’s lucky.

Now I am not a great believer in luck the way many people do. I learnt many years ago that the harder I worked the luckier I got. I also believe that luck is L.U.C.K - Labouring Under Correct Knowledge.

It’s been a challenging few years. Yet I am absolutely convinced I am a blessed man.


I'm new here!

I'm here because I have a few rare diseases 1st was a congenital heart defect #ScimitarSyndrome which lead to 3 #OpenHeartSurgery and 1 #stent after I was diagnosed with #PulmonaryHypertension and now testing is in the works for #Scleroderma non skin so here I am figuring it all out !!! Hello 👋🏾

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Going home #Depression #Anxiety #Hope #OpenHeartSurgery #Relationships #home #Suicide #MentalHealth

After 5 weeks of hospital I am going home. I am so excited. Home, a place where you can let your guard down, enjoy familiar settings and spend time with people who know you better than anyone else.

It still amazes me that 3 years ago I begged God to give me a fatal heart attack. When he didn’t I took matters into my own hand and attempted suicide.

Now after having major heart surgery I have been in the same hospital I was admitted to after the suicide attempt. Today I am grateful to have survived the heart surgery and grateful to be going home.

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Day 6 from the hospital #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #Relationships #MentalHealth #Hope #OpenHeartSurgery

Day 5 of post surgery.

I want to try and discern ideas and tips share them with you. I can’t focus solely on being detached from the recovery journey but I don’t want to waste any opportunities to share.

I was warned that around day 5 that the “cardiac blues” would arrive. And they have. I am pretty teary today. I am in a lot of pain but fortunately the heart arrhythmia is starting to settle down. I was surprised to hear concern about my weight. I am 2 kilos heavier than pre-surgery. It certainly nothing to do with my eating as I am eating only 5 spoonfuls of food at meal time. It seems fluid retention is the issue.

What I have learnt on this journey so fa?

1. Ask for help. Doctors and nurses are great at knowing what the typical symptoms and recovery is but if we don’t speak up they are somewhat flying bad.

2. Ask questions. I have been scheduled so many new and additional drugs. Knowing what I am taking and why I need it helps me understand the process much more.

3. Don’t judge the journey on an hourly basis. The change and healing can be subtle but when you compare the days you realise that progress is happening, just not as quick or seamless as I would like.

4. Don’t discount the link between our psychology and physiology. The two are so intertwined. Both need to be cared for and demand equal attention.

I am holding my heart pillow. The pillow is essential for holding against your chest when standing up or sitting down. I have been getting the nurses, doctors, porters and cleaners to sign their names. I want to have a permanent record of the names of these people who have cared for me and ensured the surgery succeeds.

The encouragement and support from the Mighty has been incredibly comforting and appreciated.

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Hospital update 3 #Depression #anxiey #OpenHeartSurgery #PTSD #MentalHealth

Just a quick update. It’s been 3 days since the surgery . By all accounts it went well. One of he biggest challenges is getting the pain meds right. The doctors said the iv of drugs was making me too drowsy. Which I think is code for you were hallucinating about an apple juice alone, quite loudly it seems. The drug induced hallucinations have been very rugged. I am too weak to answer posts I am sorry,

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Update from the hospital

It’s been an eventful 48 hours in my hospital stay. 2 days ago I started to get extreme pain in my hands that progressively started to progress up my arms and into my shoulders. It seemed my blood flow to these parts was becoming increasingly restricted.

The nurses and doctors tried various treatments with limited success. Today it got progressively worse so when my surgeon arrived to brief me and my family about the surgery he took the problem on and ordered an IV of heavy duty blood thinners. The relief was immediate. So grateful.

The surgeon explained my surgery has been moved up in priority because he has examined my angiogram and some of the blockages are 95% not the previously thought 80%. He explained I will be in ICU 3 days, not the previously advised 1 day.

He could not have been more gentle, kind and informative. Despite being in theatre for 16 hours he answered all our questions and assured us he has done 3500 bypass surgeries and we are in good hands. He said going to the hospital and not waiting to consult him next week as previously planned has saved my life.

I am so grateful for incredible nurses and doctors and my family who have been beside me in this up and down journey.

#Depression #Anxiety #OpenHeartSurgery #Relationships #PTSD #Hope #MentalHealth

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Emergency hospital admission

#Depression #Anxiety #Hope #OpenHeartSurgery #PTSD #Christianity #MentalHealth

I am scheduled to see the cardiac surgeon next week to set a date for my quadruple bypass surgery. I am still in shock to get the diagnosis 2 weeks.

Last night I started experiencing serious chest pain and pain on my left extremities. So I am now in hospital and it looks like everything will be moving forward quite quickly now.

I am at peace but I might be MIA for awhile.

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Heart surgery #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #OpenHeartSurgery #PTSD #ChronicIllness #Hope

I am sitting in a hospital bed typing one handed. Thank God for predictive text. I had an angiogram this morning due to some shortness of breath and abnormal scans.

Seems things were more dire than anticipated. I will have to come back in a few weeks for quadruple bypass surgery. A 12 day hospital stay. The thing I am pleased about is my determination to live. It wasn’t many years ago I would have welcomed death. Those days have passed. I am glad it’s been caught early.