I’m a Registered Mental Health Nurse, I work as a CPN, and I have bipolar disorder.
They do say, patients are experts by experience. I also have a first class honours in Mental Health, what level of expertise is that?
Imagine the internal conflict, the sole purpose of my job is to teach people skills to help them manage their own internal conflict. But, you practise what you preach and it doesn’t work? Insight is such a thickle concept, I’m trained to assess a persons capacity, but fail to see when my own is diminished.
Apparently, according to research those diagnosed with bipolar tend to be ‘intelligent and creative.’ So do I have grandiose beliefs or are the articles lying?
I started writing this when I was depressed. I’ve since experienced both mixed and manic episodes. I have found the diagnostic process extremely destabilising. I’ve had several flashbacks, ‘light bulb’ moments. Those traumatic events I buried and thought were ‘poor’ life choices, were in fact textbook episodes of mania.
I’m tired of this rollercoaster, the mania no longer feels like an aspirational state. I seem to find myself in an even bigger hole each time depression hits, I’m not too sure what to do, or where to turn to.
Photo credit @flexibleartsofficial