My therapist went on holiday for two weeks. Now she's back I feel like quitting therapy. There have been a few times I've felt worse afterwards as we talked about heavy issues. I think we could do with setting some goals in the present.
I want to go back I just feel really awful this week from medication side effects and pms which makes me shut people out. #PMS #CPTSD #Depression
My therapist went on holiday for two weeks. Now she's back I feel like quitting therapy. There have been a few times I've felt worse afterwards as we talked about heavy issues. I think we could do with setting some goals in the present.
I want to go back I just feel really awful this week from medication side effects and pms which makes me shut people out. #PMS #CPTSD #Depression
Hi-
I tried posting last night
I am still having a hard time understanding what happened but I am not doing well. I don’t feel real. There has been so much that has happened the last couple of years that people truly don’t believe me when I try to get help. I have had to refer them to my therapist to give them the “she isn’t making this up” affirmation in order to establish the belief in my story.
She can’t be my therapist anymore. She switched jobs recently and she doesn’t take the insurance I just switched to so I could finally get my migraine medication covered after over a year of not having it
It’s been years. No one has believed me.
Now people see all of the problems and obstacles and deny me help and blame it on me. I just started feeling safe advocating for myself again but I keep experiencing more trauma.
It hasn’t stopped
It sounds like an exaggeration. It’s not.
I don’t want to be told I will find someone else who believes me. I know that is the case. But what am I going to have to go through to get that person? My rights have already been very boldly disregarded by another agency and I am currently trying to get help/awareness for that. I already have tried to ask for help/access services for seven years. It has caused me unbelievable trauma to just try to access help. I haven’t been able to make progress because I have spent years trying to get people to just let me talk without interrupting me to redefine my reality. Or to tell me how to solve a problem they haven’t fully heard.
I have never felt so incredibly alone. I have never truly been this alone
It doesn’t feel like it can be real
#WritingThroughIt #CheckInWithMe #ADHD #ChronicMigraines #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #CPTSD #Agoraphobia #PanicAttacks #Anxiety
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2 comments
Hi-
I tried posting last night
I am still having a hard time understanding what happened but I am not doing well. I don’t feel real. There has been so much that has happened the last couple of years that people truly don’t believe me when I try to get help. I have had to refer them to my therapist to give them the “she isn’t making this up” affirmation in order to establish the belief in my story.
She can’t be my therapist anymore. She switched jobs recently and she doesn’t take the insurance I just switched to so I could finally get my migraine medication covered after over a year of not having it
It’s been years. No one has believed me.
Now people see all of the problems and obstacles and deny me help and blame it on me. I just started feeling safe advocating for myself again but I keep experiencing more trauma.
It hasn’t stopped
It sounds like an exaggeration. It’s not.
I don’t want to be told I will find someone else who believes me. I know that is the case. But what am I going to have to go through to get that person? My rights have already been very boldly disregarded by another agency and I am currently trying to get help/awareness for that. I already have tried to ask for help/access services for seven years. It has caused me unbelievable trauma to just try to access help. I haven’t been able to make progress because I have spent years trying to get people to just let me talk without interrupting me to redefine my reality. Or to tell me how to solve a problem they haven’t fully heard.
I have never felt so incredibly alone. I have never truly been this alone
It doesn’t feel like it can be real
#WritingThroughIt #CheckInWithMe #ADHD #ChronicMigraines #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #CPTSD #Agoraphobia #PanicAttacks #Anxiety
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2 comments
I am really scared. I don’t know how to describe everything that has happened in the last few years but it has been truly unreal. I’ve only had my therapist for stretches of time. She has been the only one who has helped me get through.
I’m not doing this justice. Just, something… happened and idk if I’ll be able to see her anymore but I thought I will
I need help but I can’t get this out right. I’m really scared
#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Agoraphobia #PanicAttacks
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2 comments
This is a poem I found. ( it's not by me. But a lady called care at mind)
SLOWING DOWN.
means you're back in my head again.
Means your controlling my moves again.
Means I'm not safe again.
Means I am confused again.
Means it all comes back again.
Means I struggle again.
Means I am angry again.
Means I can't stop again.
Means I fear again.
Means I am lost again.
Means why me again.
Means I have to be strong again.
Means I got through this before again.
Means I can do this I know I can again.
It just means again.
#CPTSD #Depression # pmdd #Anxiety
3 reactions This is a poem I found. ( it's not by me. But a lady called care at mind)
SLOWING DOWN.
means you're back in my head again.
Means your controlling my moves again.
Means I'm not safe again.
Means I am confused again.
Means it all comes back again.
Means I struggle again.
Means I am angry again.
Means I can't stop again.
Means I fear again.
Means I am lost again.
Means why me again.
Means I have to be strong again.
Means I got through this before again.
Means I can do this I know I can again.
It just means again.
#CPTSD #Depression # pmdd #Anxiety
3 reactions I have been in a manic episode since November. If I sleep I have nightmares but most nights I don’t get much sleep. My brain and body is pure chaos right now. My
Thoughts are all over the place. My family tries to understand. I tell them if I notice a change in moods and they try to understand but they just don’t get it. I feel the fall fixing to happen. I see the black cloud hovering over me. Waiting to cover me. I had a really bad depressed episode 2 years ago where I withdrew from anything and everyone and stayed in bed for 1 year. I’m petrified that’s what is going to happen this time. I know from experience that I’m going to come down from this manic episode but does anyone know how to keep me from going To a really dark place? Is there something I can do to even my moods out? I’m on medications for mood stability and antipsychotics to help with my visual and auditory hallucinations Any suggestions would help. #Bipolar #BipolarDepression #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #CPTSD #Anxiety
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2 comments
I have been in a manic episode since November. If I sleep I have nightmares but most nights I don’t get much sleep. My brain and body is pure chaos right now. My
Thoughts are all over the place. My family tries to understand. I tell them if I notice a change in moods and they try to understand but they just don’t get it. I feel the fall fixing to happen. I see the black cloud hovering over me. Waiting to cover me. I had a really bad depressed episode 2 years ago where I withdrew from anything and everyone and stayed in bed for 1 year. I’m petrified that’s what is going to happen this time. I know from experience that I’m going to come down from this manic episode but does anyone know how to keep me from going To a really dark place? Is there something I can do to even my moods out? I’m on medications for mood stability and antipsychotics to help with my visual and auditory hallucinations Any suggestions would help. #Bipolar #BipolarDepression #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #CPTSD #Anxiety
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2 comments
#CPTSD #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #MentalHealth #Recovery
CW: child abuse, suicidal ideation
She knew before I knew.
Long before the diagnosis came, she knew.
Stealthy emotional flashbacks bound and throttled me.
I didn’t know I was frozen in time.
Freeze and flight were twin captors that caught hold of me when I was born.
Generational trauma. Immediate trauma. I was in a prison I didn’t understand, much less realize that I was a resident of it. I was told to forget the violence that terrorized me. A photo taken when I was about five shows the desire for death in my eyes. That was the girl who opened the door while the car was in motion, long before child-locks and car seats were common. I understood the contempt that loomed over my existence.
A chance offer to adopt a ballerina of a dog arrived as I was getting divorced 20 years ago. She was demanding, peculiar, and needed to be tucked in just so every night. If her bed wasn’t perfect, she’d toss the covers back, come find me, and stare until I followed her back to her bed and tucked the blankets around her perfectly. The princess and the pea, only with dog beds.
As I self-medicated and dissociated for years in my fortress of solitude, she clung to my side when I was shutting down to the core of my soul. She rested her chin on my shoulder when I cried on the floor. She lay by my side after I had knee surgery, resting her face next to mine.
Her rare barks were reserved for squirrels and moments when she sensed I was regressing and needed protection.
Her spirit left me years ago. I’ve lived in a dogless house for 15 years. A new companion has arrived. He’s older and set in his ways. He too is peculiar and demanding, and he likes his blankets just so. He has his own emotional quirks, so we get along just fine.
He prefers rabbits to squirrels. The rabbits tease him on the other side of the fence, popping up and bouncing away at a leisurely pace. He's a real-life Scooby Doo, a big brown dog with a blue collar who’s mostly a chicken and is a thrall to scooby snacks.
He doesn’t have her extrasensory power to sense I’m upset before I realize it myself, but he does ground me to the earth. We go for our walks and immerse ourselves in nature by keeping a sharp eye out for bunnies in the back yard.
They see into us in ways that aren’t obvious, but they’re true. Sometimes they know us better than we know ourselves, and it’s healing to think that my ballerina of a dog was reassuring me when I needed it the most.
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3 comments
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