Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)

For me this has actually been a lifelong lesson. Amazing how 8 words of advice have been so hard for me to put into practice at times. Sadly in my life sometimes its taken for my body (and/or mind) to scream so loud that its been deafening enough for me to pay attention, yet I have found that even this can ebb & flow.

These days I'm pretty proud of how I’ve been taking care of myself. Its been basically 3+ years of very serious physical and mental struggles and I've learned that in the big picture no one else can take care of me and only I can deeply feel it when I don't.So I guess you could say I’ve been falling in love with myself!

*I've been eating much better (lots fruits, veggies & nuts especially...yet I love my milk and chocolate!)

*I’m exercising &/or doing home PT religiously. My spinal injuries have been part of that screaming voice quite a bit although its getting quieter, and as I told my first PT “I’m only going to get out of this what I put into it!” I've been at the gym regularly which is so empowering (plus its a really social place with great staff & members and I find it soooo mentally uplifting when I leave…knowing I'm taking care of myself)

*I actually was counting ounces of water I drank for a long while however now I'm doing great with that and carry bottles everywhere

*My holistic practice dropped off...then I found Box Breathing which I did before bed for awhile and I'm trying to get back to that, however I’ve found just stopping to breath and ground even for short moments throughout the day really makes a difference

*My spiritual practice is earth based and simple and so my church is nature and I pray to Great Spirit…my level of gratitude and reverence are stronger than ever!

*Now sleep...I will have to plead the fifth if I want to make other people happy about when I sleep, when I turns screens off, how much sleep I get etc…my stretch now is getting ENOUGH sleep and I'm exploring what my body can best function off with less meds. I've been very surprised how much less, yet in doing so I have maxxed myself out a lot recently! (its 6:00 am now, the birds are chirping as my music is lower. As a musician and deejay in college I never stopped being nocturnal. When I worked at the beach I always saw sunrises!!!... Then I went to sleep😉

Bottom line…

Life is a beautiful blessing, its a glorious day today, I got to see Mom & family for four days and that was good for my soul….and I'm going to keep smiling

Listen to your favorite music for a bit today
Go outside and wiggle your bare feet in the dirt
Eat a scrumptious piece of fruit or rich chocolate
HUG A FRIEND OR LOVED ONE…  or many…all day long!
(or a tree if you get out there and don't want to take your shoes off!

#MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #Bipolar1 #Bipolar2 #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Disability #Selfcare #COVID19 #AddictionRecovery #Addiction #Arthritis #Headache #Migraine #Anxiety #Eczema #InsideTheMighty #Trauma #ADHD #Cancer #RareDisease #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #BrainInjury #BackPain

In February 2022, I received my third COVID vaccine shot, the Moderna booster, within 7 days I began having neurological issues that increased over time and it never went away. I went to multiple specialist to go through test and figure out what was going on. I was diagnosed pretty quickly with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, I also have Chronic Fatigue syndrome, Persistent postural perceptual dizziness, vestibular dysfunction causing severe migraines, and a multitude of other weird symptoms. I go to physical therapy and I’m in a long term clinical trial for people with long COVID at the infectious disease clinic at Stanford. I went from running 3 miles a day to not even being able to stand or walk to the bathroom without having tachycardia, breathlessness, hypotension, full body numbness, extreme fatigue, not being able to verbally speak at times, choking on my own saliva and a plethora of other very strange symptoms. There seems to be a lot of skepticism in the medical field and our immediate communities due to the divide from politics, about vaccines causing injury. I just feel like it’s gotten to convoluted and derailed because of this and we can’t even focus on trying to find out why some of us have reacted to the vaccine. And people like me, which there is actually a lot of us, are being vilified and mocked for political gain.

Vaccines are supposedly safe, but yet there is a compensation act in place just in case and like anything else, there is always a risk. So to me, that means they are not completely safe if there is a potential risk. If that’s the case then why is it so hard to believe that some peoples bodies can’t handle a vaccine as well as others? Don’t you think that the healthcare system should not be providing a “one size fits all” treatment?

I’ve been researching since I got sick because I was ostracized, gaslit and abandoned by our medical system and government. Left to pretty much figure out myself what I was experiencing. I was on waitlist for almost a year to see most specialist and when I had to go into the emergency for desperate moments, the hospital would run standard tests on me and send me home with either a tachycardia diagnosis, asthma, migraines or anxiety. It wasn’t until I saw a cardiologist and my current neurologists (yes, plural) that I was given the diagnosis I have now.

At first, there was conflicting information regarding what caused my Dysautonomia. I had nothing else happen to me besides the vaccine. So I asked doctors, specialists, family, friends and people in my support groups about what I was experiencing, could it of been the vaccine. The doctors at first said it’s a possibility but highly unlikely. Now, they have confirmed it was from my booster shot and the likelihood was greater than initially expected. Meanwhile, I was called an “anti vaxer”, even though I have all my vaccines. And the only way to learn about my illness was to read and join support groups on social media. In which, I was censored and anything regarding vaccine and injury in the same sentence was removed. In my opinion, this is what caused people to be skeptical of vaccines. Especially the ones negatively impacted by the vaccine.

It has been very difficult to find full clinical trial studies on Covid Vaccines that have not been summarized. The summarized findings are performed and because they are summarized, it’s missing information that I would love to see, like how long were the patients monitored for and so on, or even a follow up years later.

Before all of this, I was not political at all, and I never questioned the science behind vaccines, I still don’t. But I do question the scientist and their motives since there seems to be a lot of incentives coming from big Pharma.

Going through all of this and being treated the way I was treated has really put a bad taste in my mouth. I no longer trust what I’m being told by the medical system or the government. And I still continue to be ostracized by my community, strangers, the medical system and the government. I’m tired of it. Not only am I 42 years old and disabled but I’m also dealing with being gaslit by everybody around me which is absolutely infuriating. You will never know how someone feels unless you walk a mile in their shoes.

Right now a lot is coming to light about people who have been affected directly by the vaccine but politics of course are taking precedence with naive people all over the board which is reopening the wound. I’m feeling completely defeated, sad, anxious and angry. Raw emotions are on high, I just needed a place I could write it all out.