Having a low day today, I’m upset about something, but my mind can’t figure out why. It could be because I’m exhausted. Haven’t slept well in days, weeks even. It could be because my operation failed within 3 days, so my recovery feels like it’s for nothing. It could be because I’m sick of having this endless flare up. The one that every coping method I have, isn’t working at all. It could be everything combined.

I want to be the one most people see. The positive, smiley one. The one that doesn’t show the agony she’s in, and never complains. The one that’s positive all the time, and helps others before herself, no matter what she faces. But the truth is, when I’m not at work, college or with friends, I’m a moody bitch. I’m in bed, in tears, trying to hide them from the rest of the family because I want no sympathy. The one that’s angry, mad, annoyed, fearful of what’s to come next. I’m not always happy. That’s the truth.

#Osteoarthritis #CerebralPalsy #Hemiplegia #ChronicPain #DDH #Upset #sad #SleepDeprivation #Operation #ChronicIllness #Recovery #Bedrest #FeelingAlone #Feelingoverwhelmed #feelingscared #Arthritis