Upset

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I’m so mad at my preferred clinic for STILL not having the flu shots! Are you freaking kidding me?!

That means that we most likely have no other choice but go to the company where shit has hit the fan for my dysphoria…… Walgreens. 😢

Just so that I can get this over with.

My mom said that she’ll explain to them for not calling me anything feminine and my pronouns and that everything has been updated in their system (as male, not nonbinary though.. stupid U.S. IDs making me choose binary options, and my preferred clinic has a nonbinary option!!!)… it’s a different Walgreens because fuck the other ones.

But still, going there makes me feel like hell. I’m already crying from the thought of having to go to one again. Walgreens has made my dysphoria horrible while I was there (I was misgendered in front of everyone!!). Not to mention that one of my other triggers will be brought up because of the signs for the vaccine shots (please no one say the name).

I’m not okay 🥲

/vneg

#GenderDysphoria #SocialAnxiety #sad #anger #IsThisTrauma #Upset #Anxiety #FluShot

So I went to look up how to decrease suicidal ideation, then found this app. Since I've been having suicidal ideation a lot for the past few months. Mostly passive but they were really high yesterday. I have a lot of trauma, have been emotionally abused.

I'm in a PHP program and I just wanna get better, even tho I constantly feel awful about myself since I've been with a narcassitic abuser for 5 years. I cut him off a few months ago, so my mental health just spiraled. I also thought I was over him since we broke up in 2019, but remained friends until recently. But I wasn't over him, I still loved him. I just suppressed it. Was pretty obvious too since I got jealous, constantly wanted to please him and was obsessed with him. Was not healthy but I was able to cut him off.

I really just wanna be happy with myself again after dealing with all his invalidation for so long. I just feel worthless. Like nobody is gonna want me even in a platonic relationship.

So it affects me a lot. I just hope I can fully heal from it. I wish one day I can find someone who makes me happy in a healthy relationship. #Abuse #Upset #New

As far back as I can remember many things have gone wrong. In recent years I’ve often considered that I’m the common denominator. Maybe I’m the one that attracts destruction and those who would likely cause harm.

Does anyone else experience things frequently going wrong around them? Problems in relationships and at work? People getting hurt or suddenly dying or their life falls apart?

#Depression #frustrated #Upset #AnxietySymptoms #Relationships #Work #Problems #Guilt

In the last six years of my life I have lost my fiancé, my dream career, my health and my independence. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to describe how devastating it is to experience not just one, but ALL of these.

I’m an avid reader - often getting lost in my books for hours and hours. I’m a gamer - I’ll immerse myself in an MMORPG (Massive Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game) for hours and hours. I’m a writer… And I’ll lose myself in my notes, or in the paragraphs I write.

My family often poke fun at how easily I disappear into a completely different world. If they lived with the pain I feel every single day… If they lived with my misery and depression… They’d do absolutely anything they could to forget about the real world. I used to think that hyperfixating was a pain in the ass - I’d never get anything useful or meaningful done. But now? It’s my lifeline. The only thing that keeps me sane. And I’m sick of people judging me for doing whatever I can to stop myself from feeling like I just want to fade out of existence. I’m so very tired… So weary. I’ve had enough of them.

#chronicillnesswarrior #ChronicPain #POTS #AutonomicDysfunction #EDS #NAFLD #BPD #Diabetes #InterstitialCystitis #Migraines #Depression #Hyperfixation #Hyperfixating #sad #Upset #exhausted #tired

I wish I could erase such intense feelings. I wish I didn’t feel anything at all. I wish I never existed. #venting #depressed #Upset #resentful #Jealousy