Upset

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So I went to look up how to decrease suicidal ideation, then found this app. Since I've been having suicidal ideation a lot for the past few months. Mostly passive but they were really high yesterday. I have a lot of trauma, have been emotionally abused.

I'm in a PHP program and I just wanna get better, even tho I constantly feel awful about myself since I've been with a narcassitic abuser for 5 years. I cut him off a few months ago, so my mental health just spiraled. I also thought I was over him since we broke up in 2019, but remained friends until recently. But I wasn't over him, I still loved him. I just suppressed it. Was pretty obvious too since I got jealous, constantly wanted to please him and was obsessed with him. Was not healthy but I was able to cut him off.

I really just wanna be happy with myself again after dealing with all his invalidation for so long. I just feel worthless. Like nobody is gonna want me even in a platonic relationship.

So it affects me a lot. I just hope I can fully heal from it. I wish one day I can find someone who makes me happy in a healthy relationship. #Abuse #Upset #New

4 people are talking about this
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When everything seems to go wrong around you

As far back as I can remember many things have gone wrong. In recent years I’ve often considered that I’m the common denominator. Maybe I’m the one that attracts destruction and those who would likely cause harm.

Does anyone else experience things frequently going wrong around them? Problems in relationships and at work? People getting hurt or suddenly dying or their life falls apart?

#Depression #frustrated #Upset #AnxietySymptoms #Relationships #Work #Problems #Guilt

4 people are talking about this
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Does anyone else hyperfixate?

In the last six years of my life I have lost my fiancé, my dream career, my health and my independence. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to describe how devastating it is to experience not just one, but ALL of these.

I’m an avid reader - often getting lost in my books for hours and hours. I’m a gamer - I’ll immerse myself in an MMORPG (Massive Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game) for hours and hours. I’m a writer… And I’ll lose myself in my notes, or in the paragraphs I write.

My family often poke fun at how easily I disappear into a completely different world. If they lived with the pain I feel every single day… If they lived with my misery and depression… They’d do absolutely anything they could to forget about the real world. I used to think that hyperfixating was a pain in the ass - I’d never get anything useful or meaningful done. But now? It’s my lifeline. The only thing that keeps me sane. And I’m sick of people judging me for doing whatever I can to stop myself from feeling like I just want to fade out of existence. I’m so very tired… So weary. I’ve had enough of them.

#chronicillnesswarrior #ChronicPain #POTS #AutonomicDysfunction #EDS #NAFLD #BPD #Diabetes #InterstitialCystitis #Migraines #Depression #Hyperfixation #Hyperfixating #sad #Upset #exhausted #tired

3 people are talking about this
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October is Tough

<p>October is Tough</p>
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First post. I know it’s not much, but I don’t want to exist anymore.

I wish I could erase such intense feelings. I wish I didn’t feel anything at all. I wish I never existed. #venting #depressed #Upset #resentful #Jealousy

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Anyone else keep things to themselves in hopes it won't upset others?

<p>Anyone else keep things to themselves in hopes it won't upset others?</p>
20 people are talking about this
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My dog says hello and he wants everyone to know if anyone is having a hard time he will give as many kisses as needed to help cheer you up.

<p>My dog says hello and he wants everyone to know if anyone is having a hard time he will give as many kisses as needed to help cheer you up.</p>
22 people are talking about this
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Genuine (unrestrained) Laughter Sends (dysfunctional) Mom Running

That moment when you and your sister are genuinely laughing hysterically for the first time in so long and your mom comes running in and shuts it down because she isn’t used to the sound of your unrestrained laughter and it “scared” her. Needless to say laughter was replaced by sadness/upset quickly.
Kind words, or anything would be very appreciated.
#Toxic #DysfunctionalFamily #dysfunctional #sad #Upset

Community Voices
Community Voices

Ruby ink

I’m an artist. Arms relaxed, lines precise. I know what I want and I can achieve it. It’s easy. Second nature.

They kept going, their words dagger. They still aren’t listing. This is all my fault. And now they’ve told me no one even cares about me. They don’t even bat an eye. It’s John John care about, they screwed him over, they did him dirty. I’m lucky, I should be thankful. I’m just a third wheel.

Then I realized I have a blank canvas, one I carry everywhere. So I used the talents and began to draw, the lines hard at first. Hand shaking, my tool different, catching the light. Holding my breath it becomes easier, faster the blend together. Ink the only color it comes in, ruby. So dark against the pale color of my canvas. My canvas isn’t complete, but it’s beautiful.

No, they won’t see. Not this art, this is for my eyes only. The lucky and thankful one.

A reminder.

#CheckInWithMe #self -hatred #Selfharm #Depression #Anxiety #GriefWork #Upset