I was with my boyfriend this weekend and we wanted to try something new during sex (anal) and I screamed and dissociated. I have never dissociated before and was finally in a good place to trust him with everything. I dont really know how to handle it or what it means. Anything would help please. I sent my journal entries of the incident to my therapist already and we have an appointment on Friday morning. #dissociate #SexualTrauma
Do you ever wonder how did I get here? How is it possible that we are living on a floating rock? What happens once you pass? How are people even created? Am I real???
I honestly think these thoughts every day and it makes me panic for some strange reason. It’s like I know I’m alive and I’m living a good life but it feels fake - it feels like I’m not real and I’m not really here. Majority of the time I’m fine, but when I’m feeling like an alien it’s the worst thing ever and so hard to describe. It’s like my soul has took a step back from my body, everything is so cloudy. Im watching other people move but I don’t feel like I’m there, in the present. I feel like I could just become this vegetable that can’t move or speak any minute of the day and it’s scary.
But, I’m getting through it. Life is so beautiful and we are all supposed to be enjoying ourselves - I need to start making the most of it and push these negative and stupid thoughts away from my brain, I mean it is MY brain, I control it and im in control of how I feel and act so the real journey starts when I wake up🤍
Sending all my love and best wishes to you all xx #Anxiety #DPD #dissociate
I am a mother and have missed too much of raising my now 2 young adult daughters and wasnt emotionally available for them. I cant let it happen again. My child hood and half my motherhood journey is now blacked out. Only flashbacks to go on...
1) I walk into oncoming traffic.
2) I get on the wrong bus.
3) I try to pay bus fare with a credit card instead of a bus card.
4) I appear as though I am staring at a person for an uncomfortable amount of time.
5) I forget where I am and what I am doing.
6) I bump into a pole.
7) I walk into the wrong building.
8) I lose something important.
9) I forget some basic vocabulary.
10) I have an internal conflict with an old memory.
11) I miss important parts of a conversation.
12) I read the same paragraph over and over again.
13) I miss important lines when watching a movie.
14) I don't realize someone is talking to me.
15) I leave something in the oven for too long.
I really hope I don’t #dissociate again tomorrow. Twice was enough today! I have to keep working as a delivery driver and I’m running out of Kolonopin. I see my psychiatrist in 3 weeks.
#BipolarDepression #Anxiety #ADHD
I found myself dissociating on my drive to work this morning. I listen to music as much as possible because it undeniably makes me feel better. So, of course, I listen to it whenever I'm driving. However, I sometimes end up focusing on it too much.
On my drive this morning, "The Killing Type" by Amanda Palmer started playing and I got so focused on listening to it that I dissociated. When I came back to, I couldn't remember where I was. I looked around and nothing seemed familiar. I remember that I'm driving to a job site on the east side of town, but can't remember the road I'm on or where my next turn is. Thankfully, when driving I have sort of an automatic pilot mode, so I somehow still paid attention to the road.
My depression has been rather bad lately and I'm also very much not a morning person, so I'm not sure if those 2 things combined made it easier for me to dissociate or just my morning brain. When I say I'm not a morning person, I mean that it takes me 45 to 90 minutes to come to terms with the fact that my reality, the universe, and everything exists. I'm completely on autopilot until I've had at least a cup of coffee. People don't usually understand what I mean until they've witnessed it for themselves, and then they usually say something like, "Oh, this is what you meant, and you really meant you're not a morning person."
Anyway, I dissociated this morning and it scared the crap out of me. I have to get to work, but I know driving and dissociating do not mix. Though, I feel like I've just been in a dissociative state for the last week or so because I've started to feel numb.
#dissociate #DissociativeEpisode #Depression #Music #Escape #numb
“When you can’t wait for the day to be over with and the worst struggle you had is your own mind.”
#Randomthought
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