#schizoaffective disorder is a "new" diagnosis but apparently only new to me. I'm 51, diagnosed at 15 Manic-Depressive #Bipolar and #Anorexia as a result of amphetemine use called a #dual diagnosis. Meds, hospitals, psychiatry, therapy, rehabs, ups, downs, wife, children...etc. Point is I can't make a point anymore. #Confusion #hopeless #apathy , #Isolation . My kids are gone and grown and I've been told "I'm used to how you are now so I can handle talking". Well I don't want to be the guy people have to get used to or treated with kid gloves and tiptoe around. This is the least I've cared my entire life about getting better. I don't care about myself, I'm alone, and since I don't like myself how could anyone else? I ramble, I'm socially awkward so I bring nothing to a relationship. I feel less hope then any other time of my life that it's possible to feel better. That's why I'm here is cuz I don't know why I came or if I should stay. #hopelessness . I don't feel very good so I'll end here cuz I don't think I even made sense let alone a concise thought. Back to solitude and currently visual psychosis that I'm told isn't real but I still am in the middle of seeing disturbing images and trying to pretend I'm not. I was about to say something but realize I couldn't explain my reality in a way that makes sense. #Sleep #dontcareanymore . End