Bought some clothes on Amazon today
Bought some clothes on Amazon today
I need at least one person to talk to
I’ve never been able to communicate really. It’s always been small talk, casual responses, I’ve always obided by sit down and shut up, don’t speak unless you’re spoken to. I’m 22 years old and finally have made a major breakthrough in my anxiety and self confidence and want to have an actual conversation with someone about something that wants to conversate back. Anyone, let’s just be friends? #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #Depression #BipolarDisorder #schizoaffective
Presume it one. Presume it the other.
So, like Lyndsay Wagner in the Bionic Woman I have a remarkably attuned sense of hearing that can pick up frequencies that others can’t, catching voices upon the wind even though they are some distance from me. This being so, oh how I am loathed! I wonder why anyone could have the inclination or the time to trip around someone else’s life, picking it apart so meticulously. It’s deeply disturbing to accept the notion, that I have no true sense of privacy because people who are completely alien to me and are hell bent on my downfall have ravaged through it and ripped it to shreds.
Or, my lucid imagination repeatedly sparks into creative overdrive bringing me a most unwelcome manifestation. Of course I’ve know such a thing for most of my life, although nothing as complicated as this - one voice after another with yet more and more still, all engaged in detailed conversation regarding me, all much to the negative I must add. Why my brain would play such torturous trickery upon me is a mystery.
They’re real! They can’t possibly be! No, they are, and the threat is real. Shhh, all you need fear is your own shadow.
Was super depressed and suicidal, mainly from PTSD stuff. It was attempt suicide, go to hospital or try ketamine. I picked ketamine. It was amazing! I went in thinking it wouldn’t work! Unlike ECT (over 20 treatments) the Ketamine actually helped!! The Crying stopped. Agitation went away. I was excited to do things. I wasn’t sleeping All the time. I did a deep IV treatment. I’ll do another in 2 weeks when I get back from family trip.
I’ve been battling mental illness since I was 5 years old… I am now 41. Tried over 30 meds. Finally got On clozapine and that saved my life but it can’t make the trauma go away…I take only 4 psych meds daily (when I’m and out of hospitals I was on 7-9!). After 41 hospitalizations, so many years Of treatment and therapies, ketamine has been most helpful.
So today I went to my gastroenterologist and found out I need further evaluation to rule out conditions before settling on ibs and treating that with antispasmodics they said I definitely am a zebra with the complexity of issues autoimmune cardiac mental health and so forth And though I said it in jest it's actually covering up insecurities and paranoia that I'm a fraud and my illnesses are not valid despite true symptoms and extensive meducstins and hospitalizations and procedure ice come to doubt myself because of doctors initially saying fibro and myalgic encephalitis don't exist as a teenager when I just wanted to feel better regardless of it's was mind or body driven but with the schizoaffective this has be become a deep seated paranoia that my doctors are out to expose me as delusional for there own laughs reality testing tells me this isn't true but feelings hard to shake the tests are producing a lot of anxiety like are they giving me placebo is this all a test I know it's just my diseased mind conjuring up these thoughts but his do you other "mighty warriors" cope and quell the obsessive tape of uncertainty playing in your head #schizoaffective #POTS #ChronicFatigueSyndromeampME #granulomaanulare #Zebra just want be back on the Oregon coast so ill try to meditate on that to get to sleeo
Alone in this World
I am a 29 year old with no friends and no best friends. I have never been in a relationship or knew what love was like. I’ve never experienced genuine care and love from people outside my family. My 20s have been lonely, dark and painful. At 20 I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder and my life has been downhill from there. I don’t know what it’s like to be a normal 20-something. I don’t have friends that like to hang out with me or come over to chat or just like being around me. I’ve been kicked out of friend groups, sent long messages about why I’m not a good friend and became a recluse after college. I didn’t make any bonds or real friends in college and was so alone there too.
I am constantly depressed because I don’t know what a healthy life is. Being open about my mental health has pushed so many people away from me because they think I’m “weird” or “off”. Just seeing people go out for drinks with friends or shop for their new apartment with their boyfriend is soul crushing because I’ve never experienced it. I don’t have people who speak life into me, encourage me or even like me. My head is filled with sad thoughts on a daily bases and it just keeps getting worse. I haven’t felt happy or genuinely smiled in months. I’m addition to my diagnosis, I have also been diagnosed with OCD, severe social anxiety, panic disorder and anxiety. I hate to even think I’m that messed up. Even my coworkers misperceive me as an angry person when it’s really just a cry for help. Life seems so pointless when all you have is yourself. #schizoaffective #Depression #Anxiety
Learning to foster Patience
I have struggled with Schizophrenia and bipolar disorder together which is called Schizoaffective disorder. I also struggle with Anxiety. The pattern has been that I relapse with schizoaffective disorder about 1-2 times a year. I have an amazing psychiatrist and am on Abilify and Trintillex witch work really well for me. I have more recently gone to therapy for my Anxiety and done CBT which has worked quite well for me as well. I also have a twin sister that struggles only with Schizophrenia and now takes monthly injections for it. It helps having a twin sister to do stuff with that otherwise I would avoid due to my Anxiety. I try to approach situations that cause me Anxiety head on as I know from therapy and experience avoiding it makes it worse. Tomorrow I have to take the bus to the hope house all by myself to join in on a session that their doing on Beating Anxiety. Hope house is a place for people with mental illness to go and meet others with similar health issues and get educated about their mental illness. Taking the bus by myself usually causes me to get so anxious that my body will get sore. I have already looked at the bus APP for tomorrow to see what time I have to take it in the morning to the Hope House and then what time I need to catch it at the transfer station. It helps that the hope house is right within walking distance of the transfer station. Lets hope I survive getting to and from the hope house tomorrow. Ugh! I'll let you know how it went after I get back. #Anxiety #schizoaffective Disorder
Cleaning to know I can adult well
I just went on a new medication that makes me depressed but at least it calms my mind of hallucinations and helps me sleep better. In high school I broke my leg while being recruited to play college football and the following year I had PTSD after witnessing my friend get put into a coma in a fight. This triggered bipolar symptoms where I would scream and act out. Later I just coped with hallucinatory drugs like mushrooms and LSD until I became homeless. My parents helped me out and got me into therapy. I struggled with living on my own and taking medication for years until getting put on disability benefits. Now I'm 30 and I have a volunteer job walking dogs. I have my own place. I also have section 8. Life is still really tough. I've been coping using marijuana lately and sometimes it helps but then I get really lazy. I talk to my mom a lot on the phone which makes me feel guilty and depressed because I'm the only one of the siblings with problems. Also she thinks I'm on the wrong medication because she's noticed how depressed I've gotten since going on this invega injection a couple months ago that she wants to send me to rehab or have me see another doctor which is really stressful. I'm just really stressed out. And I'm starting to think when I was predisposed to the manic symptoms I would get on the prior anti psychotic medication that I was better off than being this depressed. I don't know. Please tell me your thoughts. Thanks for letting me share. #Depression #schizoaffective #Bipolar #Anxiety #PTSD