dontcareanymore

i went from feeling good to crashing. litetalky what is the fcking point?! why do you keep going? ppl say you will
find the motivation. BS. no motivation...

I’m currently laying on a pile of laundry after a day of work because i can’t convince myself about the point of life. Even feeling awful physically and I don’t care because what’s the point. Nobody fucking loves me anyway and isn’t that the whole point of life and connection. But who the fuck wants a connection with me cause I’m psycho so it’s kind of like, what’s the point.

I’m in the depths of a pit at the moment. No one sees or maybe just doesn’t want to deal with the intense pain, I feel I am radiating to the world.

I am an extrovert who loves life, or I should say I used to be. Now, I have no joy within me. I’ve searched the synapses of my brain it for days; however, it’s like the pilot light to the positive existence I was once a part of, has been extinguished.

Where is my life long ability to push through? Why do I not leave the house? Who turned off the music? I need the DJ to turn the music back on.

#Iwantmylifeback

I am on a downward spiral! I’m not suicidal, but my own life has no value to me personally anymore. I don’t care if I live or die. I spend EVERY SINGLE DAY in pain. I spend every day pretending everything is ok. I don’t sleep, I’m constantly trying to function in a fibro fog, and I just don’t care any longer. I have tried explaining to my husband, my family, and my doctor how I feel (even physically and I get treated as if I’m a child that just needs to suck
It up). I suck it up every day! I’m so angry anymore that I isolate myself to prevent myself from picking fights that are uncalled for, but I’m not sure how much longer I can continue before I snap!
#CheckInWithMe

#Fibromyalgia

#schizoaffective disorder is a "new" diagnosis but apparently only new to me. I'm 51, diagnosed at 15 Manic-Depressive #Bipolar and #Anorexia as a result of amphetemine use called a #dual diagnosis. Meds, hospitals, psychiatry, therapy, rehabs, ups, downs, wife, children...etc. Point is I can't make a point anymore. #Confusion #hopeless #apathy , #Isolation . My kids are gone and grown and I've been told "I'm used to how you are now so I can handle talking". Well I don't want to be the guy people have to get used to or treated with kid gloves and tiptoe around. This is the least I've cared my entire life about getting better. I don't care about myself, I'm alone, and since I don't like myself how could anyone else? I ramble, I'm socially awkward so I bring nothing to a relationship. I feel less hope then any other time of my life that it's possible to feel better. That's why I'm here is cuz I don't know why I came or if I should stay. #hopelessness . I don't feel very good so I'll end here cuz I don't think I even made sense let alone a concise thought. Back to solitude and currently visual psychosis that I'm told isn't real but I still am in the middle of seeing disturbing images and trying to pretend I'm not. I was about to say something but realize I couldn't explain my reality in a way that makes sense. #Sleep #dontcareanymore . End