apathy

I had been doing so much better with my energy and interest in pushing myself forward, but from Friday to now (Tuesday) I have been dragging horribly.

The previous week was unusually stressful even for my stressful life, as I announced to my husband’s family that I can no longer be his caregiver and need help finding him a care home. That’s technically “good” stress, I think, but it was still hard. Then my younger daughter-in-law visited for five days with her beau and that wiped me out even though they are both sweet people.

When your life is full of a situation that makes you anxious plus you have chronic illness, chronic pain, and are undergoing intense therapy for cPTSD, it is difficult to not be on an emotional roller coaster.

I don’t think I will have any real relief from what holds me down until I am no longer a 24/7 caregiver to someone who has no short-term memory, no ability to steer his brain and dementia. I have become so super-sensitized to his every little sound and cannot help but react. It isn’t much wonder that I want to hide in bed and lose my mind in games on my phone.

I “comprehend” why I need to hide in self-defense of my health, but cannot fix it until I can get my husband a new diagnosis to qualify for entry in a care home we have not yet found. That all takes time and energy that is hard for me to manage.

Please share your reaction to this quote and tell us how it relates to your situation.

#apathy #Depression #Anxiety #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #PTSD #PanicDisorder #Fibromyalgia #Selfcare #Caregiving #Dementia #ShorttermMemory

So I reported recently that I have made great progress combating my apathy and depression by getting off meds known to have a side effect of apathy, and by finding out my brain was oxygen-starved from undiagnosed sleep apnea. But I still have fibromyalgia, generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), cPTSD, and I am still overspending myself as a 24/7 caregiver to my husband… so I still have daily struggles. I know that if I am not very careful, I could lose my progress and return to an unhealthy state where I am “frozen” hiding in my Nest all the time again.

Here are some things I have been doing to keep myself from slipping back into depression and inactivity.

- 30-minutes of sun lamp therapy within the first hour after waking (makes a huge difference for me regarding how alert I am and how energetic I feel)

- Taking a shower no less than every other day early in the day—even when I don’t want to (This is HUGE for me and I use it to mindfully transition from sleepy to awake by focusing on how wonderful the warm water feels on different parts of me.)

- Eating protein, fruits and vegetables for breakfast BEFORE having coffee, dairy, sugar or grains (I hard-boil eggs 18 at a time so they are easy to grab in the morning, and I put them in a bowl with 2 tablespoons of basil/kale/cashew pesto from Trader Joe’s, with a small handful of raw almonds and a piece of fruit on the side. If I feel hungry later before lunch I have a small bowl of healthy grains, like meulsi. This helps a lot to provide energy

- Never skipping morning meds and trying to take meds at the same times every day to better regulate my body/brain chemistry.

- Less screen time and more looking out of the windows. I have my face in a screen a LOT as a way to escape, so I really need to ask myself what else I could be doing when I am tempted to scroll on my phone. So I look around the room to find one small task to do instead, like straightening or dusting—something that will help me move forward toward a happier, healthier life. On days this is especially difficult, I make deals with myself that I can justify some screen time after I accomplish a task.

There are lots more of these small habits that end up having a powerful positive impact on me over time. I have them on a note on my phone so I don’t forget any. Please share some of your strategies too.

#apathy #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Depression #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Fibromyalgia #ChronicFatigue #SleepApnea #PTSD #BrainFog

WHAT A JOURNEY! I have been AWOL from here for five months! I have been pretty ill for most of that time. My doctor put me on two new meds in late September and it has taken me this long to get out from under such nasty side effects that I was literally debilitated. My doc wouldn’t hear me. All she saw was my weight.

I finally did some research on the drugs’ common side effects and took myself off of them, tapering the dose carefully to prevent shocking my body and reduce withdrawal symptoms. In addition, my doctor had encouraged me to taper off pregabalin (Lyrica) because it did not seem to be helping the way it used to and I believed I was suffering from side effects from this drug as well.

It turns out I was right on both counts!
Once off the first two meds, my anxiety and several other side effects vanished. But here is a celebration: when I got off the Pregabalin my apathy was gone! I mean that when I stuck to my routine of hiding in my nest, I found I no longer wanted to stay there. I sincerely wanted to get up and do things. I started organizing myself, cleaning, doing a LOT of healthy self-care. I started walking again.

I also finally got an appointment with a therapist after a six-month wait list. I felt at ease with her right away and shared my story. In our second session she told me I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and complex PTSD. What?!

After 57 years of suffering, she validated my traumas. She heard me and said I’m making sense and it looks clear to her that I have suffered. She wanted to discuss how we are going to rewire my feelings around the trauma. What?!

I let my tormentors (family members) know about the news that a professional had validated the trauma they caused and to please leave me alone while I heal. It felt like I put down all of my “baggage” and was free. Free of all of that self-doubt, free of confusion, of shame, of grief, free of depression, of guilt, and of even more of the physical pain I had grown used to.

It wasn’t my fault! I’m so happy it is amazing! I still get triggered, but I’m managing pretty well and will be starting EMDR therapy this week. And I still have chronic physical pain from fibromyalgia, but it is much easier to manage since I felt validated.

I also was diagnosed with sleep apnea and use a CPAP machine to make sure my brain gets sufficient oxygen all night long. This has done wonders for my brain fog, lack of energy and general sluggishness.

Do NOT go off any medication without discussing it with your doctor first. But DO look up it’s side effects and make a list of any that you experience… and think about asking for an alternative if you think those side effects are holding you down from living.

If trauma is what keeps you down, ask your doctor for trauma resources.

If you wake up tired, get a sleep study. You can do it remotely right from home. You deserve to breathe all night long.

Get the help you need and FEEL BETTER!

Drug Info: www.drugs.com

#apathy #Depression #Anxiety #Fibromyalgia #GeneralAnxietyDisorder #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Caregiving #SideEffects

I just learned that in students who are dealing with a low amount of challenge become apathetic but when skill is not applied they become anxious.

I'm apathetic. Day after day. I have reasons to live and I practice gratitude daily but I often lack motivation because I'm not being challenged and can't develop skill.

Does anyone else experience or are currently experiencing being stuck?

#apathy #anxious #challenge #Bipolar #euthymia

I won’t sugarcoat things: This time of year can be rough.

From dredging up both good and bad memories to being pressured by society to feel renewed and excited for the new year while also setting goals that aren’t exactly self-esteem boosters, it’s easy to find ourselves overwhelmed by conflicting emotions. If you’re anything like me, this inner turmoil might lead you to feeling emotionally numb. In addition to this already stressful time of year, a couple of my loved ones are dealing with new health crises that have brought up emotions I’d rather not deal with at this time. While I’m usually a bit annoyed when I experience emotional numbness, I think I’m OK dealing with this round of numbness until my therapy appointment later this week.

Now I want to hear from you: Do you ever experience emotional numbness? What are your triggers? How do you, for lack of a better term, feel about feeling numb?

#CheckInWithMe #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #letstalkdepression #apathy

I was struggling with serious brain fog every morning for awhile there and trying to rage against it with no luck. Then I got Covid-19 and spent 11 days (so far) unable to do anything. I will do an at-home test again today to see if I am officially over it, but my energy level is as low as ever. The only good thing I can say about it is that since testing positive I can at least allow myself to be in a state of rest all day without feeling guilty about it.
I hope everyone out there is being kind to themselves!

#apathy #Depression #BipolarDepression #Anxiety #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ChronicFatigue

…but I’ve currently got NUTHIN. No energy. No ideas. No inspiration. No initiative. Nothing but apathy and exhaustion at the moment. I just saw my new doctor yesterday and believe she is going to fix this problem. I will soon do a sleep study and my meds is being reviewed to figure out how to reduce or remove my apathy side effect issue.

Cheery bye!

#apathy #Depression #Anxiety #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Fibromyalgia

I’m pretty sure that I posted this image before, but it is so helpful to remember—especially with chronic illness, I think. For my various ailments, I continue to learn so much from reading about what other sufferers experience. This is from someone who has health issues of different sorts for over 25 years. The unknown is so much more difficult and uncomfortable than the known. This is why it can be easier to walk in the boot prints someone else has already made in new snow.

In addition, my strength, patience and determination to survive seem to get a significant boost in growth when my symptoms are validated by others who are making the same journey. It’s like magic to recognize myself in a description of someone else’s symptoms. Then I feel like saying, “Oh good. Other people experience the same thing. My case is recognizable to the experts. Not unknown.”

Something else that feels magic is when I reach out to encourage and validate others, or when I share part of my story. When we give back to a community of our fellow sufferers, we have no idea how many we may have helped. The ripples of our sharing might keep going and going. It is a lovely feeling to experience feedback that part of my story resonated with others. So kudos to you if you know this kind of happiness and satisfaction already. And gentle encouragement to others to stretch yourself a little farther out of your comfort zone to reclaim your day/life from apathy.

Hey, don’t let your symptoms isolate you more than you can bear. Once you let yourself get too used to lack of socialization, it can be a struggle to go back. I speak from experience. Keep challenging yourself to claim or reclam more of the life you want for yourself. You deserve it!

#apathy #BipolarDepression #Depression #Anxiety #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #PTSD #ChronicFatigue #SleepApnea

But that means at least half of the time I’m doing ok! I’ll take it!

I took a walk today and I hated it and it was glorious. Both are true. It was a beautiful day in spite of a smoky haze blown here from a wildfire. (I am not in danger.) I loved seeing more of my new neighborhood. When you walk you see so many delightful details that you miss when in a car or even biking—sculpture, gardens, architectural details, decorative tiles in the sidewalk. There are unfamiliar plants and bugs here, which is amazing. But my feet hurt. A lot.

After the walk I sort of glowed with heat radiating off of me and a sheen of sweat, which is not my favorite. And I glowed on the inside too, which I love! I have resisted walking when I have forgotten that it is always a net gain. So silly of me.

Go walk. Go laugh. Go do that thing you know is good for you but you put it off anyway. Go do that. You’re worth it. ☀️🌻

#apathy #Depression #BipolarDepression #Anxiety #Fibromyalgia #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness