emotionalblackmail

I've been feeling really stressed out lately about some family relationships where some people basically demand my attention.

One person will repeatedly message me via different apps or email addresses about the same topic if I don't respond when they want me to.

Another one unconsciously uses emotional blackmail ("I know your work is more important than me...") to try to force me to respond.

And another just outright states the reasons why they deserve my attention.

It makes me never want to communicate with them again! The thing is that before the past couple years, I was always the sweet and compliant family member who would keep the peace and smooth things over and act like the middle man. I'm tired of holding in my own reactions and I don't want to be that person anymore. It's exhausting and demeaning.

With Christmas coming up, there is even more pressure from these family members and I feel sick at the thought of having to spend time with them, pretending to be happy and joyful. This is a new experience for me this year, as I've never felt so strongly about this before. I'm just not feeling the holiday magic this year at all because it means being with them.

#Family #emotionalblackmail #Holidays #Christmas #Communication #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety

I found an apartment to rent! The possession date is July 1. And I'm already second-guessing myself.

I've gone out on a limb and rented a place that is a bit of a reach at present, but that shouldn't be a problem once I actually get full time work. In order to get full time work, I can't continue living with my elderly grandmother because of the covid-19 risk, though. So I'm doing this a bit on faith.

Now my grandmother is emotionally blackmailing me for moving out (I've been living with her for six months and it was never meant to be permanent). My cousin came over yesterday and she told her in a quavering voice that I was "leaving her". I've been waiting for the financial stability to move out and now that I'm finally here I want to be excited and optimistic. Instead, I have this guilt heaped on me. (trying not to let it stick)

I don't really know for sure that the job market is going to open up enough that I will be able to get a full time job in my field within a couple months. It hasn't happened in the past four months...

I'm looking at the cost of bills that are not included in my rent and realizing my estimate was too low. It's hard when I've been living outside the country - I just don't know how much things cost here anymore.

I'm worried about upkeep and being a decent neighbour and taking out the garbage regularly (for some reason, so hard for me...I get anxious about it and I don't know why) and buying a vacuum cleaner because the bedroom is carpeted, but I hate the sound of a vacuum cleaner.

And part of the point of getting my own place was so that I could have privacy and finally start on a therapy journey. Now with anxiety about the cost, I'm worried again that I won't be able to afford therapy.

I'm sorry this is so rambly, but my thoughts are all over the place and I don't know what to do. I feel sick to my stomach that I've made a huge mistake. And if I have really made a huge mistake, it just proves after all that I can't function as an independent adult. I know that statement is too strong, but it's where my thoughts are going tonight. I'm stressed and scared.

And so anxious.

#moving #Housing #Adulting #emotionalblackmail #money #Aloneandscared #Anxiety #Depression

I have endured life in a dysfunctional family since I can remember. I began cutting as a teen, and when I turned 18 I moved away for college. I never had a problem maintaining a job, home, or friendships. I was involved in an unhealthy romantic relationship from age 19 until 30. I ended up being hospitalized (thr.1st time) due to feeling homicidal rage and cutting myself. When I left the hospital, my stepdad and mom had already rented a place in the country miles away from a street light. I was out there a couple of years so I became close to friends of my parents. My stepdad closest friend took advantage of me one night and I got pregnant. My daughter is now 5. I live with my mother and stepdad and my daughter (I share 50/50 custody with her dad. As my child gets older, I see the damage being caused to her. My mom constantly puts down on my parenting and she nor my stepdad will allow me to leave the house because I'm "an idiot." I have been with a great man for years, but we went through a rough patch a while back but we are stronger now from learning how to overcome hard times together. I am 38 years old but I am forbidden by my parents to pursue a future with him or even see him. I dont know what to do, but I have always been TOLD what and what NOT to do or want or love. I have been searching for family therapists but I haven't had any luck at all. I can't live as an abused prisoner for much longer. Please help me.
#MightyTogether #