Medical Care Team Frustration
They tell me that knowledge should bring peace.
That your spirit will settle, your journey will map it’s way through the volcanic paths, show the pattern in unique rocky landscape of your disease. They give you a lovely speech about arming you for the responsibility of your own life and the potential they see for your recovery.
They tell you that control is a fantasy, the fogged future nothing but brushstrokes of color against a canvas of compassion. That learning to loosen your grip on the unspeakable desire to be who you were, who you dreamed of being, will make the roller coaster of life’s twists and turns much more bearable.
They say that you can be an alchemist, that you will take the junk they hand you and transform it into a feast fit for something more than the monster that stands before them.
They tell me this, that I will do these things. I do not know how. The map they hand me bleeds ink in languages I cannot understand; the paint they offer me is dried on the palette. The operator of my park ride confused the controls and we race at breakneck speeds to a picnic made of too-hot coals burned to soot and ashes.
I scream, I beg, I pray, and from me, there is nothing but silence.
They tell me knowledge should bring peace.
#ChronicIllness #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Migraine #FND #PNES #Schizophrenia #BipolarDisorder